DEAR HARRIETTE: I admit it. I snoop sometimes. My most recent snooping was looking at my sister's online messaging conversation with her boyfriend. I was shocked by what I found. Her boyfriend was verbally and emotionally abusing her. He says she's worthless and stupid, and he calls her vulgar names. He's even been telling her to steal money and food from our parents to bring to him, which I believe she does.

I cannot believe I didn't see this before in their relationship. Admittedly, I haven't spent much time around them. I don't know where to go from here. I want to address this with my sister and maybe my family, but I don't want to get into trouble for looking through their messages. He's been manipulating her into stealing from us, though! He needs to get out of her life ASAP. -- Caught in a Bad Romance, Saginaw, Michigan

DEAR CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE: Here's a time when your crossing the line may help to save your sister's life. Go to your sister and talk to her. Check in with her to see how she's doing and if she will be forthcoming at all about what's going on with her and her boyfriend. Be prepared to tell her what you read.

Start with an apology. Explain that you violated her trust by reading her texts, but since you did see them, you feel that you have to say something to her. Tell her you are worried about her and the way that her boyfriend talks to her. Express your concern that she is stealing from the family. Ask her what you can do to help her.

Before speaking to her, I recommend that you tell your parents. Though your sister will be extremely upset, this seems like a time when she will need a tremendous amount of support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last year, my senior year of high school, a girl got pregnant. I was friendly with her, and I attended her baby shower. Now the child is about to turn 1, and she has sent out a Facebook invitation for the party. Barely anyone can attend because we left our hometown for college, and she did not.

I responded by saying I could not come, as did dozens of other people, and she has begun personally messaging us and demanding a reason why we can't attend. It is not our fault that her decisions led to her staying behind and having no one to attend this birthday party! She probably feels alone, but I can't be expected to drop everything in my life and drive hours back home to go to this party.

I've heard that you don't stay friends with everyone from high school, but I can't believe it is happening so quickly. I feel bad that she does not get to have the typical college experience, but then again, she chose to keep her child when she was 18. Am I making the right choice by not going back home for this infant birthday party? -- Not Babying a Friend, Rochester, New York

DEAR NOT BABYING A FRIEND: If you cannot attend, that's real. You can send her child a gift and sincerely wish her and her baby well. When you do go home to visit, be sure to make time for her. She is feeling isolated and rejected. What she needs is a reminder that she is loved even though she chose a different path.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for a company that provides little opportunity for growth and innovation. It frustrates me because I have some ideas that can really help streamline my company's productivity. I am hesitant to share my ideas because upper management has shot down so many ideas from previous employees. I think my ideas will be helpful to the success of the company. Do you think I should share my ideas even if upper management says no? --Progress to the People, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR PROGRESS TO THE PEOPLE: Don't let others' failures keep you from making your best effort. As you prepare your productivity pitch to present to upper management, pay close attention to what interests them. Notice when they seem interested. What topics grab their attention? What do they value?

As you assess these things, craft a presentation that keeps upper management's style, interests and concerns in mind. Make sure you have concrete stats and projections to back up your thinking. And, by all means, make your presentation short.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been attempting to arrange a visit with my sister for a few weeks now. I haven't seen her in a while, and I feel as though my effort is incredibly one-sided. We've been spending less and less time together, and I would just like to spend a day or weekend with her! But whenever I ask her what's good for her, she says she'll "tell me when she knows" or that she'll "get back to me." Is she trying to avoid me?

We haven't had a fight or disagreement of any sort. I just want to spend some time with my sister, and I feel like she's dodging me. She could come visit me too, and the only reason I've been proposing to come to her is because she lives in a bigger city and she wouldn't have to travel. What else can I do to get her to care about seeing me? -- Little Sister Is Trying, Salt Lake City

DEAR LITTLE SISTER IS TRYING: Even with family, you cannot force people to be close. Your efforts are great. You may want to go one extra step. Ask your sister if there is a reason that she seems to be avoiding you. Yes, it's time to be direct.

Express your frustration. Tell your sister that you have tried many times to connect with her, but that you feel she always blows you off. Probe to find out if something happened that you don't know about that created a wedge between you. Ask if she would rather visit you than have you come to her. Ask if she wants to maintain a relationship with you.

This may seem weird given that she is your sister, but it's time to stop making assumptions. Tell her that you are going to stop asking to see her if she continues to blow you off. Yes, that may be hard, but eventually you need to stand up for yourself. You can check in with her periodically, but stop the desperate pleas for connection. Your distance might actually wake her up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is need of a huge favor. She lives in North Carolina, and she is planning to move to New York City. She would like to send her savings to me in advance of her arrival to New York. She does not want the extra money in her possession because she feels like she will squander her savings before coming to the city. My friend would like to send $5,000 to me, but I am hesitant to say yes because I may spend her money. She really wants to move to NYC, but I need to gently tell her no and come up with an alternative way to help her save her money. Any suggestions? -- Friend in Need, Bronx, NY

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: You can say no to holding your friend's money. Recommend that she put it in the bank. She may want to put it into an IRA or other financial instrument that is not so easy to liquidate. Be clear that you will not be the repository for it. Since you live in New York City, you can inform your friend on everything you know about living in the city, including how expensive it is. Rather than telling her not to come to the city, give her the information she needs so that she can prepare to come responsibly.

Uprooting and moving to a new city is a big task, no matter where you choose to go, and New York City happens to be one of the most expensive cities in the world. Encourage your friend to make a plan so that when she makes her move, she will be well-prepared.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a married man, and I went to the movies with a female co-worker because my wife was not interested in seeing the film I chose. The movie was great, and so was her company. My co-worker told me that she is looking forward to our next outing. My co-worker knows that I am married, and I need to tell her that our day at the movies was a one-time event. How do I tell her without any collateral damage? -- An Innocent Date, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR AN INNOCENT DATE: It is possible for men and women to be friends, but only if everybody is clear about the nature of the relationship. Assume the positive, and let your co-worker know that you are glad that she could join you at the movies. Rather than telling her you will never go out again, define what going out is. Invite her to do something with you and your wife to reinforce the understanding that you have no interest in her beyond friendship. The only reason you would need to end your personal interaction is if the lines blurred somehow and she started to think you want to pursue intimacy with her. If that's the case, apologize for possibly misleading her, and tell her you are committed to your wife.