DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for a company that provides little opportunity for growth and innovation. It frustrates me because I have some ideas that can really help streamline my company's productivity. I am hesitant to share my ideas because upper management has shot down so many ideas from previous employees. I think my ideas will be helpful to the success of the company. Do you think I should share my ideas even if upper management says no? --Progress to the People, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR PROGRESS TO THE PEOPLE: Don't let others' failures keep you from making your best effort. As you prepare your productivity pitch to present to upper management, pay close attention to what interests them. Notice when they seem interested. What topics grab their attention? What do they value?

As you assess these things, craft a presentation that keeps upper management's style, interests and concerns in mind. Make sure you have concrete stats and projections to back up your thinking. And, by all means, make your presentation short.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been attempting to arrange a visit with my sister for a few weeks now. I haven't seen her in a while, and I feel as though my effort is incredibly one-sided. We've been spending less and less time together, and I would just like to spend a day or weekend with her! But whenever I ask her what's good for her, she says she'll "tell me when she knows" or that she'll "get back to me." Is she trying to avoid me?

We haven't had a fight or disagreement of any sort. I just want to spend some time with my sister, and I feel like she's dodging me. She could come visit me too, and the only reason I've been proposing to come to her is because she lives in a bigger city and she wouldn't have to travel. What else can I do to get her to care about seeing me? -- Little Sister Is Trying, Salt Lake City

DEAR LITTLE SISTER IS TRYING: Even with family, you cannot force people to be close. Your efforts are great. You may want to go one extra step. Ask your sister if there is a reason that she seems to be avoiding you. Yes, it's time to be direct.

Express your frustration. Tell your sister that you have tried many times to connect with her, but that you feel she always blows you off. Probe to find out if something happened that you don't know about that created a wedge between you. Ask if she would rather visit you than have you come to her. Ask if she wants to maintain a relationship with you.

This may seem weird given that she is your sister, but it's time to stop making assumptions. Tell her that you are going to stop asking to see her if she continues to blow you off. Yes, that may be hard, but eventually you need to stand up for yourself. You can check in with her periodically, but stop the desperate pleas for connection. Your distance might actually wake her up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is need of a huge favor. She lives in North Carolina, and she is planning to move to New York City. She would like to send her savings to me in advance of her arrival to New York. She does not want the extra money in her possession because she feels like she will squander her savings before coming to the city. My friend would like to send $5,000 to me, but I am hesitant to say yes because I may spend her money. She really wants to move to NYC, but I need to gently tell her no and come up with an alternative way to help her save her money. Any suggestions? -- Friend in Need, Bronx, NY

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: You can say no to holding your friend's money. Recommend that she put it in the bank. She may want to put it into an IRA or other financial instrument that is not so easy to liquidate. Be clear that you will not be the repository for it. Since you live in New York City, you can inform your friend on everything you know about living in the city, including how expensive it is. Rather than telling her not to come to the city, give her the information she needs so that she can prepare to come responsibly.

Uprooting and moving to a new city is a big task, no matter where you choose to go, and New York City happens to be one of the most expensive cities in the world. Encourage your friend to make a plan so that when she makes her move, she will be well-prepared.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a married man, and I went to the movies with a female co-worker because my wife was not interested in seeing the film I chose. The movie was great, and so was her company. My co-worker told me that she is looking forward to our next outing. My co-worker knows that I am married, and I need to tell her that our day at the movies was a one-time event. How do I tell her without any collateral damage? -- An Innocent Date, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR AN INNOCENT DATE: It is possible for men and women to be friends, but only if everybody is clear about the nature of the relationship. Assume the positive, and let your co-worker know that you are glad that she could join you at the movies. Rather than telling her you will never go out again, define what going out is. Invite her to do something with you and your wife to reinforce the understanding that you have no interest in her beyond friendship. The only reason you would need to end your personal interaction is if the lines blurred somehow and she started to think you want to pursue intimacy with her. If that's the case, apologize for possibly misleading her, and tell her you are committed to your wife.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a successful woman in my early 30s. I am single and have been going on many dates, trying to find a husband. I am never sure about who should get the check from dinner, because I am not sure who makes more money of the pair. If it is me, should I be footing the bill? I do not want to grab at the check, but I also do not want my date to think I am ungrateful or unwilling to contribute. Some of my girlfriends insist that I let the man pay to preserve his ego and make it a "real" date, while others insist that in 2015 a woman should feel comfortable splitting the bill without losing the romance of the date. Am I ungrateful or traditional for allowing a man to pay? Should I be grabbing for the check more often? -- First Date Blunder, Gallup, New Mexico

DEAR FIRST DATE BLUNDER: Dating etiquette can seem impossible to understand, let alone follow. Who should pay on the first date is at the top of the list of questions for many people. What you should do first is decide how you feel about this. Yes, the traditional way is for the man to pay for the first date. I used to feel strongly about this being the right choice, but my views are changing with the times. If your objective is to find a life partner, think more holistically about your dating life. Even on a first date, talk about your goals and desires. Put on the table your question about who should pay. Make it a topic of conversation that will reveal how each of you thinks about gender roles in relationships. What you don't want to do is change your opinion based on the man you are dating. Be clear about where you stand and ready to state it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like to send someone a thank-you note via email. Do you think this form of media is deemed proper etiquette or should I just write a handwritten note instead? I would like some clarity on this question. -- The Write Way, Nashville, Tennessee

DEAR THE WRITE WAY: Here's another example of how changing times call for modified rules. Obviously, a handwritten thank-you note is a lovely offering that many people appreciate, no matter who they are. That said, the way to figure out whether an electronic thank-you will suffice is to consider the recipient and the way in which you generally communicate. If the recipient is someone with whom you have an electronic relationship, that is, you email each other all the time, then an emailed thank-you may seem perfectly natural. This is also true, generally speaking, for younger recipients. For people who use electronic media less frequently (if at all), the standard note in the mail is best.

If you are thanking someone for something significant, you may consider sending an immediate electronic note followed by a handwritten note that comes later in the mail.