DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is need of a huge favor. She lives in North Carolina, and she is planning to move to New York City. She would like to send her savings to me in advance of her arrival to New York. She does not want the extra money in her possession because she feels like she will squander her savings before coming to the city. My friend would like to send $5,000 to me, but I am hesitant to say yes because I may spend her money. She really wants to move to NYC, but I need to gently tell her no and come up with an alternative way to help her save her money. Any suggestions? -- Friend in Need, Bronx, NY

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: You can say no to holding your friend's money. Recommend that she put it in the bank. She may want to put it into an IRA or other financial instrument that is not so easy to liquidate. Be clear that you will not be the repository for it. Since you live in New York City, you can inform your friend on everything you know about living in the city, including how expensive it is. Rather than telling her not to come to the city, give her the information she needs so that she can prepare to come responsibly.

Uprooting and moving to a new city is a big task, no matter where you choose to go, and New York City happens to be one of the most expensive cities in the world. Encourage your friend to make a plan so that when she makes her move, she will be well-prepared.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a married man, and I went to the movies with a female co-worker because my wife was not interested in seeing the film I chose. The movie was great, and so was her company. My co-worker told me that she is looking forward to our next outing. My co-worker knows that I am married, and I need to tell her that our day at the movies was a one-time event. How do I tell her without any collateral damage? -- An Innocent Date, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR AN INNOCENT DATE: It is possible for men and women to be friends, but only if everybody is clear about the nature of the relationship. Assume the positive, and let your co-worker know that you are glad that she could join you at the movies. Rather than telling her you will never go out again, define what going out is. Invite her to do something with you and your wife to reinforce the understanding that you have no interest in her beyond friendship. The only reason you would need to end your personal interaction is if the lines blurred somehow and she started to think you want to pursue intimacy with her. If that's the case, apologize for possibly misleading her, and tell her you are committed to your wife.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a successful woman in my early 30s. I am single and have been going on many dates, trying to find a husband. I am never sure about who should get the check from dinner, because I am not sure who makes more money of the pair. If it is me, should I be footing the bill? I do not want to grab at the check, but I also do not want my date to think I am ungrateful or unwilling to contribute. Some of my girlfriends insist that I let the man pay to preserve his ego and make it a "real" date, while others insist that in 2015 a woman should feel comfortable splitting the bill without losing the romance of the date. Am I ungrateful or traditional for allowing a man to pay? Should I be grabbing for the check more often? -- First Date Blunder, Gallup, New Mexico

DEAR FIRST DATE BLUNDER: Dating etiquette can seem impossible to understand, let alone follow. Who should pay on the first date is at the top of the list of questions for many people. What you should do first is decide how you feel about this. Yes, the traditional way is for the man to pay for the first date. I used to feel strongly about this being the right choice, but my views are changing with the times. If your objective is to find a life partner, think more holistically about your dating life. Even on a first date, talk about your goals and desires. Put on the table your question about who should pay. Make it a topic of conversation that will reveal how each of you thinks about gender roles in relationships. What you don't want to do is change your opinion based on the man you are dating. Be clear about where you stand and ready to state it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like to send someone a thank-you note via email. Do you think this form of media is deemed proper etiquette or should I just write a handwritten note instead? I would like some clarity on this question. -- The Write Way, Nashville, Tennessee

DEAR THE WRITE WAY: Here's another example of how changing times call for modified rules. Obviously, a handwritten thank-you note is a lovely offering that many people appreciate, no matter who they are. That said, the way to figure out whether an electronic thank-you will suffice is to consider the recipient and the way in which you generally communicate. If the recipient is someone with whom you have an electronic relationship, that is, you email each other all the time, then an emailed thank-you may seem perfectly natural. This is also true, generally speaking, for younger recipients. For people who use electronic media less frequently (if at all), the standard note in the mail is best.

If you are thanking someone for something significant, you may consider sending an immediate electronic note followed by a handwritten note that comes later in the mail.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends has decided that she is going to pursue her dream of becoming a famous singer. She has been pestering us to come to coffee houses and open mic nights for months now. At first it was all right to support her occasionally, but now I am at my wits' end. She's average! She won't be famous! I know I'm not a talent agent, and maybe I'll have to eat my words one day, but I find that likelihood very slim. These emailed links to her YouTube song covers and Facebook performance invitations need to stop. I could add her to my spam filter and maybe unfriend her on Facebook, but I know she would confront me about not supporting her. I support her being happy, but I find she's being selfish by trying to create a fan base out of reluctant friends. Is there any way I can drop being a fan but still be a friend? -- Stop the Songs, Dallas

DEAR STOP THE SONGS: Be a friend by supporting her when you can, without judgment. You don't need to do anything when she sends her links. You don't need to unfriend her. Watch the ones you want to see, but not the ones you don't. Give your friend credit for pursuing her dream. If necessary, tell her that you are not really into the music scene and, therefore, will only attend occasionally, but that you wish her well. Know that even though you do not think your friend has talent, there remains the possibility that she will enjoy some measure of success. Persistence counts for a lot.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new co-worker, and we hit it off immediately on his first day. We established that we like most of the same teams and share a similar sense of humor. Now that he's been with the company for a few months, he constantly brings up his peanut allergy at lunch. I do not eat peanuts often, but the first time this happened I was incredibly apologetic, thinking it was an emergency, and asked if he was airborne, to which he responded "no." I do not touch him, and I always make sure to wash my hands after eating any food. Now, whether I am eating pad thai or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, he brings up his allergy. I am not sure whether he means this conversationally or is trying to hint that because he can't eat peanuts, I shouldn't either. Am I missing his hint? --Throwing Peanuts, Grand Rapids, Michigan

DEAR THROWING PEANUTS: Chances are, your co-worker's allergy to peanuts does engage when others are eating them. His antennae likely perk up when peanuts in any form are eaten in his company. While he may not have a full-fledged allergic reaction, his sensitivity may be piqued. The only way to know for sure whether this is happening to him, or if there's some other reason for his behavior, is to ask him. Directly ask why he keeps bringing up his allergy and if he is having a reaction of any kind when you eat peanuts. If it is affecting him, you may want to stop eating peanut dishes at the office.