DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a successful woman in my early 30s. I am single and have been going on many dates, trying to find a husband. I am never sure about who should get the check from dinner, because I am not sure who makes more money of the pair. If it is me, should I be footing the bill? I do not want to grab at the check, but I also do not want my date to think I am ungrateful or unwilling to contribute. Some of my girlfriends insist that I let the man pay to preserve his ego and make it a "real" date, while others insist that in 2015 a woman should feel comfortable splitting the bill without losing the romance of the date. Am I ungrateful or traditional for allowing a man to pay? Should I be grabbing for the check more often? -- First Date Blunder, Gallup, New Mexico

DEAR FIRST DATE BLUNDER: Dating etiquette can seem impossible to understand, let alone follow. Who should pay on the first date is at the top of the list of questions for many people. What you should do first is decide how you feel about this. Yes, the traditional way is for the man to pay for the first date. I used to feel strongly about this being the right choice, but my views are changing with the times. If your objective is to find a life partner, think more holistically about your dating life. Even on a first date, talk about your goals and desires. Put on the table your question about who should pay. Make it a topic of conversation that will reveal how each of you thinks about gender roles in relationships. What you don't want to do is change your opinion based on the man you are dating. Be clear about where you stand and ready to state it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like to send someone a thank-you note via email. Do you think this form of media is deemed proper etiquette or should I just write a handwritten note instead? I would like some clarity on this question. -- The Write Way, Nashville, Tennessee

DEAR THE WRITE WAY: Here's another example of how changing times call for modified rules. Obviously, a handwritten thank-you note is a lovely offering that many people appreciate, no matter who they are. That said, the way to figure out whether an electronic thank-you will suffice is to consider the recipient and the way in which you generally communicate. If the recipient is someone with whom you have an electronic relationship, that is, you email each other all the time, then an emailed thank-you may seem perfectly natural. This is also true, generally speaking, for younger recipients. For people who use electronic media less frequently (if at all), the standard note in the mail is best.

If you are thanking someone for something significant, you may consider sending an immediate electronic note followed by a handwritten note that comes later in the mail.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends has decided that she is going to pursue her dream of becoming a famous singer. She has been pestering us to come to coffee houses and open mic nights for months now. At first it was all right to support her occasionally, but now I am at my wits' end. She's average! She won't be famous! I know I'm not a talent agent, and maybe I'll have to eat my words one day, but I find that likelihood very slim. These emailed links to her YouTube song covers and Facebook performance invitations need to stop. I could add her to my spam filter and maybe unfriend her on Facebook, but I know she would confront me about not supporting her. I support her being happy, but I find she's being selfish by trying to create a fan base out of reluctant friends. Is there any way I can drop being a fan but still be a friend? -- Stop the Songs, Dallas

DEAR STOP THE SONGS: Be a friend by supporting her when you can, without judgment. You don't need to do anything when she sends her links. You don't need to unfriend her. Watch the ones you want to see, but not the ones you don't. Give your friend credit for pursuing her dream. If necessary, tell her that you are not really into the music scene and, therefore, will only attend occasionally, but that you wish her well. Know that even though you do not think your friend has talent, there remains the possibility that she will enjoy some measure of success. Persistence counts for a lot.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new co-worker, and we hit it off immediately on his first day. We established that we like most of the same teams and share a similar sense of humor. Now that he's been with the company for a few months, he constantly brings up his peanut allergy at lunch. I do not eat peanuts often, but the first time this happened I was incredibly apologetic, thinking it was an emergency, and asked if he was airborne, to which he responded "no." I do not touch him, and I always make sure to wash my hands after eating any food. Now, whether I am eating pad thai or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, he brings up his allergy. I am not sure whether he means this conversationally or is trying to hint that because he can't eat peanuts, I shouldn't either. Am I missing his hint? --Throwing Peanuts, Grand Rapids, Michigan

DEAR THROWING PEANUTS: Chances are, your co-worker's allergy to peanuts does engage when others are eating them. His antennae likely perk up when peanuts in any form are eaten in his company. While he may not have a full-fledged allergic reaction, his sensitivity may be piqued. The only way to know for sure whether this is happening to him, or if there's some other reason for his behavior, is to ask him. Directly ask why he keeps bringing up his allergy and if he is having a reaction of any kind when you eat peanuts. If it is affecting him, you may want to stop eating peanut dishes at the office.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I have spread myself way too thin. I have a regular 9-to-5 job that I love and I give my all. I volunteer at my son's school on a range of projects. Plus, I sing in the choir at church and teach Sunday school whenever the main teacher is out. This grew over time, but now I feel exhausted. And I don't know what to do. I have made myself invaluable everywhere. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but when you show up and help, it makes a difference. How can I step away from some of these duties so that I can claim a little balance? -- Missing My Son, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR MISSING MY SON: Track your days for the next week. Write down everything that you do and how much time it takes. Include "me time" as well as time for your child. Chances are, they are less frequent than your other activities. Identify which duties take the most time -- outside of your job -- and, the hardest, pick at least one to cancel or pause immediately. When you decide, speak to the person in charge of that function. Apologize for being unavailable, but be firm that you have to step away right now. You can do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I keep reading stories about random children who have been playing sports and who end up with concussions or even death. Another child just randomly died after bumping into a kid on a soccer field. Nobody thought the impact was particularly memorable. What can we do to protect our children and still allow them to explore sports? -- Sports Phobia, Dallas

DEAR SPORTS PHOBIA: It is tragic when children die while participating in sports. Though it is impossible to fully prevent injury or death, there certainly are precautions that players can take, and even that coaches and referees can implement to protect children. Talk to your school and find out what sports are offered as well as the risks associated with each of them. Learn about safety measures. If your child selects a particular sport, ask him or her to talk to the coach about safety. Since you are extremely worried about this, you may not want to be the one explaining the pros and cons to your child. Choose a more neutral party.

But keep in mind that you should ultimately agree with your child on whatever sport he or she chooses. Then stay up to date on how to stay safe while enjoying it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)