DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter is hellbent on becoming a wildlife rehabilitator this spring. This volunteer job entails being able to take in animals from the region that have been abandoned or hurt. These animals range from tiny birds to skunks! I argued that I am against this, while she says the chances of us ever getting a larger animal are impossible because it is dependent on her to accept the animal. She can deny it if she does not feel comfortable. In addition to this volunteer job letting in wild animals, we occasionally have to buy food and supplies for them! I don't want vermin in the house, but my daughter has this passion to help them. I have a pretty strong feeling she won't grow out of this -- she's nearly 17, so I either have to crack down with my husband or allow baby squirrels to be nursed back to health in my living room. Should we let her go through with being a rehabilitator? -- Teenager Loves the Wildlife, Dearborn, Michigan

DEAR TEENAGER LOVES THE WILDLIFE: Your daughter's interest is noble, and I understand both why you don't want to allow the animals in your home and why you want to support her. Can you find a middle ground? Is there a school or community center or even another family with whom she can work so that the animals are housed there? Or do you have a basement? Perhaps you can cordon off an area that's just for her and the small animals so they do not have to inhabit your family space. If you cannot figure it out, it is OK to say no. She may have to wait for her animal husbandry. What you may want to do is help her find a college that promotes animal care so that she has something to look forward to doing very soon.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Any time I go over to my grandmother's house to visit her, she insists on using plastic utensils, plastic plates and plastic bowls. She always washes them afterward, too, so she can reuse them. I would never have an issue with this if I knew she were hard on money and didn't have real utensils and plates, but she does! I jokingly mentioned not being good enough for real plates, and she said that she needs to shine her silverware so that's why we were eating off of the plastic plates. My grandmother is known to have passive-aggressive moments, and this was probably one of them. Maybe she thinks I look too unkempt to eat off of plates, or maybe she has an issue with some decision I made and is taking it out on me this way. What gives? I'm trying to find any reason she could be subjecting me to the plastic plates. -- Plastic Plate Treatment, Baltimore

DEAR PLASTIC PLATE TREATMENT: Don't take your grandmother's behavior personally. She has convinced herself that plastic is a practical alternative to silver. One way you may be able to change her mind is to offer to come over and clean the silver. Sit with her and talk about the silver and let her travel down memory lane with other stories. If you keep cleaning the silver, you may end up eating in style and learning tons about your elder.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This Thanksgiving will be very different for my family. We will be celebrating with my stepfather's family for the first time. All of his children and their mother's family will be there. Their mother will not be there because she is estranged from the family. I have never been the most outgoing person, and people describe me as shy. Although I have a few weeks to calm my nerves, I am becoming anxious about how to interact with these people I have never met on such an important holiday. I have been looking up conversation starters, but frankly, they seem quite awkward, and "Tell me about you" seems so pushy! How can I navigate the waters with my new "family" without embarrassing myself in the conversation? -- Awkward Millennial, Boston

DEAR AWKWARD MILLENNIAL: It is OK for you to just be yourself. If you are normally quiet, you do not need to transform into a social butterfly. Instead, ease into relationship with this part of your family. Introduce yourself when you arrive and when others come in. Let the more outgoing family members do more of the talking.

You can also talk to your mother in advance. Remind her of how uncomfortable you can become in unfamiliar settings. Ask her to help you during Thanksgiving. Be specific with your mom. Tell her you feel anxious and that you want to figure out how to engage your stepfather's family. Make it clear to her that you need her support. Go to her during your time together if you feel like you need a boost.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family hired a woman to clean our house a few years ago when we began having children. Now, our children are old enough to recognize her and have even bonded a bit with her. My wife and I are all for it, but my children want to begin giving her gifts for holidays they're excited for, like Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. This woman is not their baby sitter, and I am not sure if she wants the crafts that my children want to make and give to her. If anything, I feel like it'd be a burden to her. My wife disagrees and thinks that this would be adorable. I do not want to overload the cleaner with tchotchkes, but I also want my kids to know that they should appreciate her. What's the call on the holiday gifts? -- Kiddy Crafts, Milwaukee

DEAR KIDDY CRAFTS: I go with your wife on this one! Even if this woman has nowhere to put the crafts your children create for her, chances are great that she will be delighted that they think of her fondly even after she has left your employ. It shows that they love her and appreciate the time that they spent together -- she is far more than just a housekeeper. This is fantastic and to be cultivated. You may also want to encourage them to write notes to her and call occasionally if they want to stay connected.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This past weekend, I was on my fourth date with a woman I really like. The date was going really well until she jokingly mentioned that she always saw herself dating a French man and how funny it is that I am American. I laughed with her for a second but felt unsettled. Does this mean she doesn't like me because I am an American? Do I not act as foreign as she wants me to be? I have been telling myself to stop overthinking this joke, but my efforts haven't been going too well. I do not know what I do that makes me so American to her. One of my friends told me it was probably her subtle way of telling me this relationship won't go far because I am not her type. Another told me to stop overthinking and that she was just mentioning that her life is different from how she imagined it. Should I ask her what she meant by her joke? -- No Joking Around, Denver

DEAR NO JOKING AROUND: Stop worrying and ask this woman why she once dreamed of dating a French guy. Become curious. What is her fascination with the French? Ask her to tell you about her childhood fantasies. If you listen carefully, you will learn how her mind works and whether she truly has room in her heart for you. It is not uncommon for people to have dreams about a fantasy life. Perhaps meeting you is allowing her to let go of a fantasy and choose a welcome reality.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed one of my co-workers has many bruises on her body. She saw me looking at them today, said that she bruises easily and walked away. She has bruises on her ankles, on her leg and on her hands. They are fairly small bruises, and I cannot imagine what they are from. I want to possibly put something on her desk about how to contact help if she is being abused, but I know that could easily backfire on me because of how forward it is. These bruises do not look like she's been hit because of the size and placement on her body. I do not want to pry, and I do not want to feel guilty about not doing something when I could have. Is there any way I could get my co-worker to tell me where these bruises are from, or should I believe her story? -- Black and Blue, Bridgeport, Connecticut

DEAR BLACK AND BLUE: Your co-worker's bruises are none of your business. You should not leave brochures about abuse for her. If you have a rapport with her, you can ask her what happened. She says she bruises easily, which could be true, but what happened? You can also ask her if she is OK or if she needs help. Tell her you care about her and want to make sure she is safe. Don't push further.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)