DEAR HARRIETTE: This Thanksgiving will be very different for my family. We will be celebrating with my stepfather's family for the first time. All of his children and their mother's family will be there. Their mother will not be there because she is estranged from the family. I have never been the most outgoing person, and people describe me as shy. Although I have a few weeks to calm my nerves, I am becoming anxious about how to interact with these people I have never met on such an important holiday. I have been looking up conversation starters, but frankly, they seem quite awkward, and "Tell me about you" seems so pushy! How can I navigate the waters with my new "family" without embarrassing myself in the conversation? -- Awkward Millennial, Boston

DEAR AWKWARD MILLENNIAL: It is OK for you to just be yourself. If you are normally quiet, you do not need to transform into a social butterfly. Instead, ease into relationship with this part of your family. Introduce yourself when you arrive and when others come in. Let the more outgoing family members do more of the talking.

You can also talk to your mother in advance. Remind her of how uncomfortable you can become in unfamiliar settings. Ask her to help you during Thanksgiving. Be specific with your mom. Tell her you feel anxious and that you want to figure out how to engage your stepfather's family. Make it clear to her that you need her support. Go to her during your time together if you feel like you need a boost.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family hired a woman to clean our house a few years ago when we began having children. Now, our children are old enough to recognize her and have even bonded a bit with her. My wife and I are all for it, but my children want to begin giving her gifts for holidays they're excited for, like Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. This woman is not their baby sitter, and I am not sure if she wants the crafts that my children want to make and give to her. If anything, I feel like it'd be a burden to her. My wife disagrees and thinks that this would be adorable. I do not want to overload the cleaner with tchotchkes, but I also want my kids to know that they should appreciate her. What's the call on the holiday gifts? -- Kiddy Crafts, Milwaukee

DEAR KIDDY CRAFTS: I go with your wife on this one! Even if this woman has nowhere to put the crafts your children create for her, chances are great that she will be delighted that they think of her fondly even after she has left your employ. It shows that they love her and appreciate the time that they spent together -- she is far more than just a housekeeper. This is fantastic and to be cultivated. You may also want to encourage them to write notes to her and call occasionally if they want to stay connected.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This past weekend, I was on my fourth date with a woman I really like. The date was going really well until she jokingly mentioned that she always saw herself dating a French man and how funny it is that I am American. I laughed with her for a second but felt unsettled. Does this mean she doesn't like me because I am an American? Do I not act as foreign as she wants me to be? I have been telling myself to stop overthinking this joke, but my efforts haven't been going too well. I do not know what I do that makes me so American to her. One of my friends told me it was probably her subtle way of telling me this relationship won't go far because I am not her type. Another told me to stop overthinking and that she was just mentioning that her life is different from how she imagined it. Should I ask her what she meant by her joke? -- No Joking Around, Denver

DEAR NO JOKING AROUND: Stop worrying and ask this woman why she once dreamed of dating a French guy. Become curious. What is her fascination with the French? Ask her to tell you about her childhood fantasies. If you listen carefully, you will learn how her mind works and whether she truly has room in her heart for you. It is not uncommon for people to have dreams about a fantasy life. Perhaps meeting you is allowing her to let go of a fantasy and choose a welcome reality.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed one of my co-workers has many bruises on her body. She saw me looking at them today, said that she bruises easily and walked away. She has bruises on her ankles, on her leg and on her hands. They are fairly small bruises, and I cannot imagine what they are from. I want to possibly put something on her desk about how to contact help if she is being abused, but I know that could easily backfire on me because of how forward it is. These bruises do not look like she's been hit because of the size and placement on her body. I do not want to pry, and I do not want to feel guilty about not doing something when I could have. Is there any way I could get my co-worker to tell me where these bruises are from, or should I believe her story? -- Black and Blue, Bridgeport, Connecticut

DEAR BLACK AND BLUE: Your co-worker's bruises are none of your business. You should not leave brochures about abuse for her. If you have a rapport with her, you can ask her what happened. She says she bruises easily, which could be true, but what happened? You can also ask her if she is OK or if she needs help. Tell her you care about her and want to make sure she is safe. Don't push further.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has chosen to go on a vacation this winter. After a few debates about where to go, we have decided that we are going to Spain. I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity, but I have my reservations. I did not want to go to a Spanish-speaking country because I am the only person in my family who speaks Spanish, and I know I will turn into the Spanish scapegoat of sorts. Any interaction where English is not possible, I will be responsible for handling. My family claims this isn't true, but I see no other way of vacationing in a country where only one person knows the language. I want to enjoy myself in Spain without having to be everyone's translator. I do not want to be selfish, but I do not want to have to devote my time to making sure everyone understands one another. How do I keep the balance on this vacation? -- Speaking Spanish, Hartford, Connecticut

DEAR SPEAKING SPANISH: Some people would look at this opportunity and your particular skills as a blessing. How wonderful that one member of the traveling party can speak the language! I suggest that you change your perspective. Sure, you will be asked questions, but the great news is that often you may be able to answer them with ease. Sadly, most Americans are not bilingual. You are. Don't lock away your gift. Share it.

Be proactive as well. Make it easier on yourself by encouraging your family members to get translation books now to learn the basic courtesies and questions. Tell them that you will not ruin their trip by translating everything. Encourage them to study so that they will be ready for the trip. Finally, you can request a translator through your hotel so that, for a small fee, you will have support that you may need yourself in navigating the country.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A superior has reprimanded me twice for being too shy at my job. I felt as though the company knew what I was like prior to hiring me, but now I guess I do not seem like the best fit. Personally, I hate when salespeople overwhelm me, so I try to be respectful of other people's space. This has been interpreted as me not caring, even though I am always helpful whenever someone seems to need assistance. The first time I got confronted, I changed a bit to become more outgoing and got more sales. I got confronted again and really wanted to defend myself. I sell as much as my co-workers, even though I am not as pushy as they are. In fact, I feel like people tend to gravitate toward me because of how I take a backseat as they choose what to try on or purchase. What should I say if I get confronted again? -- Shy But Selling, Detroit

DEAR SHY BUT SELLING: Ask for a meeting with your superior. Admit that you can sometimes be shy, but you have figured out a strategy that seems to garner sales. Present your sales figures to your boss, and note that they are commensurate with your co-workers'. Explain your strategy, but also offer to work on being more assertive. Let your sales figures be your strength.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)