DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been nagging my oldest son to focus on finding a wife instead of working so hard. He is almost 29! After a few persistent months of nudging on my end, he finally brought home a girl. I would normally be ready to pepper her with questions, but he brought his busty ex-girlfriend, much to everyone's surprise! At first I thought this was a joke to get back at me for how hard I've been pushing him, but my son says he thought of his ex and wanted to give her a call. When I first met this girl, years ago, she was visibly not wearing a bra, and she needed one! Not much has changed about her in those years. The way she presents herself is tacky with her makeup and clothing. She makes sure her chest gets everyone's attention. I hope my son just tosses her, but I have to be prepared to talk to her about presenting herself in case he keeps her around. I can't just give her an etiquette lesson, but she needs to class it up. How do I take her tacky and make it classy? -- The Best for My Son, Cincinnati

DEAR THE BEST FOR MY SON: Be careful what you wish for, Mom! While you meant the best for your son, pushing him toward marriage before he was ready was not wise. Your son wants to please you while he also needs to establish his life independent of you. Now, virtually anything you say may be misconstrued because of your pushiness.

Rather than pushing him into her arms by complaining, be cordial to her when she comes over. If you host an event where she may show up dressed inappropriately, speak to her privately and let her know the expected dress code. Treat her with respect. When you need to educate her, do so kindly and without judgment. In this way, however she ultimately fits into your son's life, you will be able to manage. If you can find a space to talk with your son about marriage, change the subject to what qualities to look for in a life partner. Steer him to thinking long-term about his desires. This may help him decide about her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an woman in my early 60s. When I was younger, I had my breasts done. Few of my friends know about the work I've had done. Now the issue I'm having is with some unwanted attention toward my chest! Other women close in age feel comfortable coming up to me and complimenting me on my breasts! I find this invasive, and I rarely walk around flaunting my cleavage. I've gotten compliments on how lifted I seem. While this all sounds well-meaning, I almost always get asked the question of how I look the way I do. I do not want people knowing I've had work done and judging me or spreading gossip. What do I say? -- Hush-Hush, Detroit

DEAR HUSH-HUSH: You don't have to answer every question you've been asked. You can simply thank people for the compliments and move on. You could also be honest. Your breast lift years ago is still serving you. Some of your friends may appreciate the heads-up. Consider sharing your secret as an option for them.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My elementary-aged children have asked me why I don't give money to people on the street. I don't know how to explain to them that some of these people are drug addicts, and that I do not want to support anyone's life-ruining habit. I usually say that we don't have cash to give them right now, but as they get older, I know I will have to explain homelessness to them more. What do you think is the right age to get children thinking about devastating issues like this? I do not want to depress them. -- No Money for Homeless, Dallas

DEAR NO MONEY FOR HOMELESS: I started talking to my daughter about the conditions of people with whom we interact on a regular basis from the start. When we pass homeless people, I do not typically give them money, but I do greet them on occasion. For example, if someone speaks to me, I acknowledge him or her. At your children's ages, you can definitely talk to them about the reality that some people struggle far more than your family, including not having a place to live. You can tell them that some of these people are mentally ill, while others may have lost their jobs and their homes. Tell them that you feel compassion for them, but the way that you support the homeless is through charitable giving. You can engage your children in saving money that they can donate periodically to homeless shelters or other organizations that support those in need. In this way, you show them by example how they can help others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend has been driving me wild about getting engaged. We are at the point in our lives where everyone seems to be getting married. My girl wants me to propose to her as soon as possible, and has even gone ring shopping for herself! She thankfully didn't buy a ring and probably just wanted to make it clear she was very, very ready to get hitched. I don't think I'm ready, but she doesn't seem to understand. She thinks I just don't want to go through with wedding planning when I really just don't want to be married until I turn 30, which is in three years. Is there any way I can get her to hop off the engagement train? I just want to take it easy for now and stress about marriage later in life. Besides, it's expensive! -- No Bling Yet, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR NO BLING YET: You and your girlfriend need to have a serious sit-down. Beforehand, decide for yourself how you feel about her. You already know you don't want to consider marriage until three years out. Do you envision that she might be the one when you get there? If there is a chance as you take the long view, you can tell her that. If not, be clear that right now you just want to enjoy your life, and while you do appreciate spending time with her, marriage is not on the table for you. Know that she may want to move on and find a husband. Being honorable and clear now may lose you a girlfriend in the short term, but it will gain you peace of mind moving forward.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student who made an etiquette mistake with my professor: I said "hi" to him when greeting him. He reprimanded me in front of a class of 50 people, saying I am to always say "hello" to the professor. He told me he did not get a doctorate for me to address him using "hi" as a greeting. I found this to be so rude, especially as he was lecturing me on how to be polite while embarrassing me in front of my classmates. After class, other students came up to me and called my professor names to make me feel better.

I'm not sure how to continue to be an active student in this class when the professor thinks he is above his students. Is it time to just be a face in the crowd? I was trying to be an active participant until this incident. -- Sad Student, New Orleans

DEAR SAD STUDENT: Drum up the courage to schedule a private meeting with your professor. During the meeting, apologize for speaking to him in a too-familiar manner. Then let him know that the way that he reprimanded you in front of the class was terribly embarrassing; plus, it backfired because many students felt compelled to speak derogatorily about him in defense of you. Tell him how hard it is for you to come to talk about this, but the reason you did was that you really want to be active in your class. Right now you feel uncomfortable about speaking up ever again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been getting daily nosebleeds for months now. I finally went to the doctor and was told that I need to get surgery to correct my deviated septum, which is causing the bleeding. Whenever my co-workers or family ask me about my upcoming surgery, they act like I am trying to cover up the fact that I am getting a nose job! My nose will not change in appearance at all after this surgery, and I am getting tired of people thinking I am using a fake medical excuse to get work done. I do not even want to interact with people who think I'm being sly about getting plastic surgery. I am fixing a medical problem and have just resorted to snapping at people. There are medical reasons for getting surgery on your nose! -- The Nose Knows, Los Angeles

DEAR THE NOSE KNOWS: You live in a town where cosmetic surgery is commonplace, so your friends and family may actually think you are being unnecessarily shy about "concealing" your plan for such surgery. Even so, you should not have to constantly remind anyone of your medical challenge. Instead, stop talking about it. Confide in one person who you think believes you and is responsible. Ask that person to be in touch during the period of your surgery and its aftermath. If you need support, make him or her your go-to person and leave the others out of it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)