DEAR HARRIETTE: My elementary-aged children have asked me why I don't give money to people on the street. I don't know how to explain to them that some of these people are drug addicts, and that I do not want to support anyone's life-ruining habit. I usually say that we don't have cash to give them right now, but as they get older, I know I will have to explain homelessness to them more. What do you think is the right age to get children thinking about devastating issues like this? I do not want to depress them. -- No Money for Homeless, Dallas

DEAR NO MONEY FOR HOMELESS: I started talking to my daughter about the conditions of people with whom we interact on a regular basis from the start. When we pass homeless people, I do not typically give them money, but I do greet them on occasion. For example, if someone speaks to me, I acknowledge him or her. At your children's ages, you can definitely talk to them about the reality that some people struggle far more than your family, including not having a place to live. You can tell them that some of these people are mentally ill, while others may have lost their jobs and their homes. Tell them that you feel compassion for them, but the way that you support the homeless is through charitable giving. You can engage your children in saving money that they can donate periodically to homeless shelters or other organizations that support those in need. In this way, you show them by example how they can help others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend has been driving me wild about getting engaged. We are at the point in our lives where everyone seems to be getting married. My girl wants me to propose to her as soon as possible, and has even gone ring shopping for herself! She thankfully didn't buy a ring and probably just wanted to make it clear she was very, very ready to get hitched. I don't think I'm ready, but she doesn't seem to understand. She thinks I just don't want to go through with wedding planning when I really just don't want to be married until I turn 30, which is in three years. Is there any way I can get her to hop off the engagement train? I just want to take it easy for now and stress about marriage later in life. Besides, it's expensive! -- No Bling Yet, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR NO BLING YET: You and your girlfriend need to have a serious sit-down. Beforehand, decide for yourself how you feel about her. You already know you don't want to consider marriage until three years out. Do you envision that she might be the one when you get there? If there is a chance as you take the long view, you can tell her that. If not, be clear that right now you just want to enjoy your life, and while you do appreciate spending time with her, marriage is not on the table for you. Know that she may want to move on and find a husband. Being honorable and clear now may lose you a girlfriend in the short term, but it will gain you peace of mind moving forward.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student who made an etiquette mistake with my professor: I said "hi" to him when greeting him. He reprimanded me in front of a class of 50 people, saying I am to always say "hello" to the professor. He told me he did not get a doctorate for me to address him using "hi" as a greeting. I found this to be so rude, especially as he was lecturing me on how to be polite while embarrassing me in front of my classmates. After class, other students came up to me and called my professor names to make me feel better.

I'm not sure how to continue to be an active student in this class when the professor thinks he is above his students. Is it time to just be a face in the crowd? I was trying to be an active participant until this incident. -- Sad Student, New Orleans

DEAR SAD STUDENT: Drum up the courage to schedule a private meeting with your professor. During the meeting, apologize for speaking to him in a too-familiar manner. Then let him know that the way that he reprimanded you in front of the class was terribly embarrassing; plus, it backfired because many students felt compelled to speak derogatorily about him in defense of you. Tell him how hard it is for you to come to talk about this, but the reason you did was that you really want to be active in your class. Right now you feel uncomfortable about speaking up ever again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been getting daily nosebleeds for months now. I finally went to the doctor and was told that I need to get surgery to correct my deviated septum, which is causing the bleeding. Whenever my co-workers or family ask me about my upcoming surgery, they act like I am trying to cover up the fact that I am getting a nose job! My nose will not change in appearance at all after this surgery, and I am getting tired of people thinking I am using a fake medical excuse to get work done. I do not even want to interact with people who think I'm being sly about getting plastic surgery. I am fixing a medical problem and have just resorted to snapping at people. There are medical reasons for getting surgery on your nose! -- The Nose Knows, Los Angeles

DEAR THE NOSE KNOWS: You live in a town where cosmetic surgery is commonplace, so your friends and family may actually think you are being unnecessarily shy about "concealing" your plan for such surgery. Even so, you should not have to constantly remind anyone of your medical challenge. Instead, stop talking about it. Confide in one person who you think believes you and is responsible. Ask that person to be in touch during the period of your surgery and its aftermath. If you need support, make him or her your go-to person and leave the others out of it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am very proud of my nails. I take good care of them, and they have grown to be long and strong. I also make sure to cut and file them if they are getting too long and crossing over into unkempt territory. I enjoy getting complimented on my nails, but some people have decided it's their duty to try to rip off my nails as though they are fake. It seems like a backhanded compliment to me, but I do not like hearing, "they're so long they can't be real!" as someone tries to bend my nails. I have awkwardly laughed this comment off and withdrawn my hand, but I find it incredibly strange. Both men and women have done this, and I try to explain that these are my real nails and I take good care of them, but the comments don't stop. Should I peg this as jealousy or assume this is a hint to make my nails shorter? -- Not Nailing It, Syracuse, New York

DEAR NOT NAILING IT: Whether you have artificial nails or natural nails, it is incredibly rude for someone to try to pull your nail off. Given how much you tend to your nails, I'm wondering if you ever brag about the health of your nails. Whether you do so consciously or not, if you do, you may want to tone that down. Drawing attention to your beautifully tended nails may be backfiring on you right now.

That said, the people who are grabbing at you do not need an explanation. If somebody reaches out to pull at your nails, immediately and sharply ask them not to touch them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's the time of year when people come in sick to work. I take many measures to not get sick, but some ill co-workers do not seem to get the hint. I keep hand sanitizer at my desk, along with disinfecting wipes and vitamins. I eat as many fruits and vegetables as possible, drink water and make sure I sleep enough each night. There are some sick people who do not seem to understand that my disinfectants and vitamins are meant to keep them away, not invite them to my desk to use them! People come by for hand sanitizer or to get a wipe to clean their keyboards, but they have the germs I am trying to keep away! I don't want to seem rude and deny anyone, but I do not want to get sick. How do I keep the sicklings away from my desk? -- No Days Off, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NO DAYS OFF: Speak to your human resources department and suggest that they provide some of the cleaning products that you currently have at your desk for the whole company. Argue that you are attempting to keep yourself well as sick people continue to come to work, but that you do not want to be the supplier of cleaning supplies to the office. You may also want to put your cleaning items under lock and key. When people come to borrow that proverbial cup of sugar -- in this case, hand sanitizer -- suggest that they get their own.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)