DEAR HARRIETTE: I was checking out at the supermarket with my 3-year-old daughter when she suddenly had a breakdown over candy I would not buy her. My wife was not with me, and my daughter was having the worst tantrum I'd ever seen. I was so embarrassed and did not know how to make her stop kicking, screaming and crying. Passersby were judging me, and I just had to let her scream on the floor while I paid and packed up the cart. I assured everyone staring that we do not deprive her and that this is not a frequent occurrence, but I was still extremely mortified. I contemplated buying the candy for her at one point but knew my wife wouldn't be too happy with a sugared-up and cranky 3-year-old. It was impossible to reason with my daughter, but I was so embarrassed after this whole debacle. How do I get the tantrums under control? I do not want to have to give in to every demand of my daughter. -- Supermarket Screams, Poughkeepsie, New York

DEAR SUPERMARKET SCREAMS: There are many schools of thought on this one. Personally, I think you should start with preventive measures. Make sure your child is not hungry or otherwise uncomfortable before you head out for any activity. Talk to her about expectations for where you are headed. Even at her age, she understands boundaries and rules. Explain what your outing will include and how you expect her to behave. If she starts to tantrum, tell her calmly that you will not comply with her demands (if they are unreasonable), and remain firm. Do not give in to tantrum behavior. If you need to take your child out of a store or other public space during the tantrum, ask the proprietor to hold your items until you return.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has adopted a dog recently. I love animals, especially dogs, but am a little apprehensive to meet this dog based on how my mother is raising it. The dog is 10 pounds, and my mother insists on dressing it in sweaters and all of the cutest accessories. She will not let the dog play with any dogs bigger than it is (so there are slim pickings for socialization!), and generally treats it like a toddler. I love dogs, and I believe they should have opportunities to play fetch, get dirty and meet all sorts of other people and dogs. I told my mother that the worst kinds of dogs are smaller aggressive ones, and she got offended. I do not want to tell her how to care for her dog, but I wouldn't be surprised if a yapping (and nipping!) dog turned away some people from visiting her. I don't think she's an unfit owner. I would just like her to allow the dog to live a dog's life. How do I get my mother to stop treating this dog like a child? -- No Toddlers Here, Boston

DEAR NO TODDLERS HERE: A lot of dog owners treat their pets like miniature human dolls. Is this optimal behavior? That's a tough one. What I can tell you is that your desire to encourage your mother to treat her dog like a dog is reasonable. Start buying her books about dog training. Pay for dog training lessons where your mother learns about smart ways to socialize her dog. Otherwise, back off. She has to make her own choices.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I attend a night school in order to advance my education while I work. I have recently fallen off my schedule and have been allowing myself to skip classes. I continue to do the work on time, but I have been letting myself slip when it comes to actually attending the classes. I am not sure if I am the only one who skips or what the attendance policy is at my school, but I am afraid that I will come off as lazy if I ask my professor how many classes I need to attend to pass. I am trying to motivate myself to attend more classes, but I need to find out if I am in jeopardy of not passing. How do I ask if I'm still on track without seeming like a slacker? -- Low Attendance, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR LOW ATTENDANCE: Let's start with you asking yourself a question: Why are you slacking off in your attendance? Are you tired? Do you need to be at work during class time? You are the one who decided to further your education. Cutting class is not a wise decision. It doesn't represent the behavior of a serious student who is making every moment count. Rather than attending the minimum number of classes, strive for 100 percent attendance for the rest of the semester. You should definitely ask your professor where you stand and what you can do to get the most out of this class. But your question should not be about how you can pass with the least amount of work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You are WAY off-base in your advice about the shoe-collecting boyfriend to "Too Many Sneakers." The girlfriend said they live in an apartment. That is the first problem. It is difficult to collect anything and live in an apartment. People who collect tennis shoes like this are called "sneaker heads." I would guess with this many shoes, he probably is collecting higher-end shoes. These can range from $100 up to thousands of dollars. A better suggestion than yours would be to have them stay in the boxes, which can be stacked and presented more neatly.

A hoarder? I don't think so. -- Another Shoe Collector, Maple, Utah

DEAR ANOTHER SHOE COLLECTOR: Thank you for your point of clarification. While I know that there are plenty of people who collect high-end sneakers and often fill their homes to the brim with them, this trend does not make it fashionable enough to not be a form of hoarding. Filling your home to the brim with stuff, even expensive, trendy stuff, to the point that you cannot walk around is not a healthy lifestyle option. I recognize that you acknowledged an obvious point that it is hard to collect anything in an apartment. If this man had a room that he could convert into a specially designed shoe closet, the conversation might be different. Perhaps a more viable option for him might be to rent a storage unit and place the boxes neatly in there. But a couple sharing a space should both have a say as to what stays or goes in that home. In a culture that reveres those with a great "shoe game," we still have to recognize that too much of something crowding you out is not healthy.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was researching my apartment building on the Internet and found out that seven years ago, two people died there due to heroin overdose. I am incredibly superstitious and am wondering how I can find out which apartment these people were in when they passed. Do landlords have to tell tenants if someone expired in their apartments in the past? I am incredibly curious and need to know if I have to sage my apartment. Any advice? -- Maybe Ghostly, Atlanta

DEAR MAYBE GHOSTLY: You will need to check with your local authorities to determine if your landlord legally has to share with you about a death in your building. I'm not sure about that. I do believe that it makes a difference who lived in your space before you. Rather than obsessing about where exactly the people overdosed, I recommend that you do a spiritual cleansing and offer prayers for those souls to be at rest, and for you to have a healthy, positive experience where you live. As you know, focusing on superstitions incessantly can leave you sleepless and fraught with anxiety. Do yourself a favor and resist going down that road. Choose healing, uplifting activities that create space for you to thrive in your home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I gave my friend a ride from a party when she was drunk. I knew she needed to go home, so I picked her up, and on the way to her house she threw up in my car. I cleaned up the vomit and went home as she fell asleep. The next day, she acted like nothing happened! I thought that was very rude and jokingly brought it up with her to give her the opportunity to say something about her actions, and she waved it off. I'd like to receive an apology, but she doesn't seem to want to give it. Is she embarrassed? Does she not understand that is rude? -- Party Queen Troubles, Westchester, New York

DEAR PARTY QUEEN TROUBLES: Forget the apology. Your friend was drunk, and there's a good chance she doesn't remember what happened that night. Literally, it could be a blank for her. If she does remember, she could be too embarrassed to talk about it. Any conversation on the topic that you might consider having should be directed to supporting her in making healthier choices. You might tell her that you were worried about her because of how excessively she drank. You might ask her if she remembers throwing up in your car and being completely trashed. You could suggest that she be careful so that she doesn't damage her body or put herself in harm's way in the future.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)