DEAR HARRIETTE: I was researching my apartment building on the Internet and found out that seven years ago, two people died there due to heroin overdose. I am incredibly superstitious and am wondering how I can find out which apartment these people were in when they passed. Do landlords have to tell tenants if someone expired in their apartments in the past? I am incredibly curious and need to know if I have to sage my apartment. Any advice? -- Maybe Ghostly, Atlanta

DEAR MAYBE GHOSTLY: You will need to check with your local authorities to determine if your landlord legally has to share with you about a death in your building. I'm not sure about that. I do believe that it makes a difference who lived in your space before you. Rather than obsessing about where exactly the people overdosed, I recommend that you do a spiritual cleansing and offer prayers for those souls to be at rest, and for you to have a healthy, positive experience where you live. As you know, focusing on superstitions incessantly can leave you sleepless and fraught with anxiety. Do yourself a favor and resist going down that road. Choose healing, uplifting activities that create space for you to thrive in your home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I gave my friend a ride from a party when she was drunk. I knew she needed to go home, so I picked her up, and on the way to her house she threw up in my car. I cleaned up the vomit and went home as she fell asleep. The next day, she acted like nothing happened! I thought that was very rude and jokingly brought it up with her to give her the opportunity to say something about her actions, and she waved it off. I'd like to receive an apology, but she doesn't seem to want to give it. Is she embarrassed? Does she not understand that is rude? -- Party Queen Troubles, Westchester, New York

DEAR PARTY QUEEN TROUBLES: Forget the apology. Your friend was drunk, and there's a good chance she doesn't remember what happened that night. Literally, it could be a blank for her. If she does remember, she could be too embarrassed to talk about it. Any conversation on the topic that you might consider having should be directed to supporting her in making healthier choices. You might tell her that you were worried about her because of how excessively she drank. You might ask her if she remembers throwing up in your car and being completely trashed. You could suggest that she be careful so that she doesn't damage her body or put herself in harm's way in the future.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I grow out my hair in order to cut it and donate it to charity. Now my hair is at my waist, and my family and co-workers feel comfortable telling me to cut it. I may be too sensitive, but I find all forms of telling someone to change their appearance offensive. It's like telling someone to lose weight because you think they would look better skinny! I usually just brush off these comments and say I will donate it when it's long enough, but I'm getting very angry with people telling me to change my appearance. I'm helping a charity by donating my hair, and my family especially can't seem to back off. Do they not understand that I do not care about their opinions of my hair? -- My Choice, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR MY CHOICE: Sometimes people get jealous about super-long hair, as for many it is impossible to grow it that long. Jealousy can look like the behavior you are experiencing. If you are keeping your hair clean, neat and appropriate for your work environment, try to ignore the naysayers. On the other hand, you could remind them all that this is your annual charitable effort. Ask them to support you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family allowed my girlfriend to borrow our treadmill about a year ago. We did not really have space for it at the time and I had a gym membership, so no one was using it. Now that my girlfriend and I are moved out of our parents' homes, my mom asked for the treadmill back. My girlfriend freaked out. She said my mother was rude and she will not come to my house anymore or attend any meals with my mother, and she never liked my mother anyway. All of this was said to me and not my mother. My girlfriend had assumed that the treadmill was a gift, but my mother assumed it was a loan. I do not want to be in the middle of this at all. I never thought this exercise equipment would cause such a rift. I am very offended by what my girlfriend said about my mother, and she never apologized. Her excuse was that I sometimes say negative things about my mother as well. A few days have passed, and the treadmill was reluctantly returned, but my girlfriend never apologized. My girlfriend probably thinks I will sweep this under the rug, but that will not happen. I need to get her to admit that she was rude and apologize. How can I do that? I would never say anything negative about her family. -- Families Feud, Seattle

DEAR FAMILIES FEUD: It could be that your girlfriend misunderstood the loan as a gift. Either way, she was reactionary and rude when she learned that your mother wanted the equipment back. Rather than waiting for her apology, you should bring up the topic again and talk through it. Let her know that you believe her behavior was rude and inappropriate and you are offended that she would speak so harshly about your mother. Ask her to apologize. More, agree that neither of you will speak badly about each other's families in the future.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My budget is a little tight this year, and I can't provide the extravagant birthday presents I've been able to in years prior. Upon opening my gift, one of my friends looked at me and said, "What would I even use this for?" I had gotten her a plant in a color-coordinated pot to match her living room as well as an amusing coaster set and a card. I felt incredibly put on the spot and said she could use it for everyday life. She looked unimpressed. This happened in front of a small group, and I couldn't believe her bad manners. I couldn't afford anything grandiose, but I thought my presents were all right -- I wouldn't mind receiving them! I am wondering if I shouldn't have skipped presents this year and said I was broke. Another friend's birthday is in a little over a month, and I'm debating between giving a less expensive gift or admitting my financial hardships. Are presents the way to celebrate a birthday, even if they're unappreciated? -- Presently Baffled, Detroit

DEAR PRESENTLY BAFFLED: Be honest with your friends. Tell them that your finances are tight and you can't afford expensive gifs anymore. Rather than finding yourself in a position like this again, change your gift-giving policy to heartfelt cards and skip the gifts altogether. In this way, you show your love without needlessly attempting to show the size of your wallet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my daughter at her university this past weekend and realized she had gained the dreaded freshman 15. I didn't say anything to my daughter, but my girlfriend and I agreed that she's gained weight in the 6 weeks she's been gone. My daughter called me after a doctor's visit during the week and was shocked to learn she had gained 13 pounds. Her pants are too tight on her and she said that she needs new clothing, but I think she should lose the weight she gained from late-night snacking on pizza so she can fit into the clothes she owns. My girlfriend told me to be more sympathetic. I think if my daughter can gain the weight, she can lose it, too. Am I being unreasonable? -- Disapproving Dad, Washington, D.C.

DEAR DISAPPROVING DAD: Now is not the time to scold your daughter or make her suffer in clothing that is too small. College is a challenge in and of itself. Yes, your daughter has lessons to learn, including what to eat when she is up late at night studying. The best way for you to support your daughter is to be present for her. The fact that she called to tell you what the doctor reported shows that she trusts you and feels comfortable confiding in you. Be gentle as you talk to her and recommend healthier choices for her. Suggest that she join a sport at school or go to the gym to move her body. Buy her a couple of size-appropriate outfits, but suggest that she keep her old clothes as she tries to get back to her regular size.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)