DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a GBF (gay best friend). We are just like any other friends, except that I am a straight woman, and he is a gay male. My GBF and I will hug or play fight over an item we both want -- like nail polish or a cookie -- the same way I do with many of my female friends. Some of my male friends have pointed out that I have a double standard for my GBF. I do not like to have men other than my boyfriend touch me, but I allow my GBF to. My rationale is that a gay male would never be attracted to me, so I allow him to touch me while keeping a respectful distance from my straight male friends. I don't understand why they would complain about a "double standard" reserved for one person in my life. I don't want to seem like someone who has too many rules around her life, but I never thought my refusal to get too close to other men would become something about which I need to defend myself! What should my response be if I get accused of having double standards again? -- Boundaries, Pittsburgh

DEAR BOUNDARIES: You have to follow your instinct on the level of intimacy you find comfortable with different friends. As long as you are respectful with all of them, you should feel at ease. Your male friends who are complaining are probably jealous of the closeness you share with your friend. That's their problem, but since these people are your friends, you may want to limit your displays of affection when you are all together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This summer, I went camping with a group of friends. On the way back home, the driver hit a raccoon. Everyone in the car acknowledged the road kill, and we even spoke about how some countries are working to prevent animal deaths on the highway. I thought this would be the end of ever thinking about this incident, but the driver learned that I am a vegetarian after the trip and has been apologizing about the raccoon ever since. The past three social events we've had together, the driver mentions that the road kill was an accident. The first time I said I was not offended and hadn't even thought about the incident. The second time, I admittedly snapped. I said I clearly do not care, and the driver should get over the road kill as well. This led the driver to believe I care much more than I do, and the apologizing happened again at the third party. Is this driver obsessed with the raccoon or just trying to find a way to talk to me? I am not offended and simply want to stop talking about this. -- Raccoon Rambling, Syracuse, New York

DEAR RACCOON RAMBLING: The best way to find out is to ask this person directly why he can't let the unfortunate raccoon incident go. Tell him that you do not want to talk about it anymore, but if he wants to talk about other things, why not?

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine constantly asks me what I've been up to, and copies whatever I say. If I'm in on an email newsletter, she will sign up for it. If I go to spin classes, she will start as well. I hate when people copy me. I have tried telling her less about what I am doing and asking her about her interests, but redirecting the conversation doesn't particularly work. I would like my copycat friend to start developing her own interests. How can she stop copying me? -- Copy Cat, Tucson, Arizona

DEAR COPY CAT: Clearly, you and your life are extremely attractive to your friend -- to the point where she has gone overboard in trying to be immersed in your world. Since it seems that you like this friend, why not take the offensive? Invite her to participate in an activity with you. Be inclusive as you experience whatever it is together. When she asks you about other activities or interests, do not answer her questions. This may seem awkward, but if you don't tell her what you are doing, she cannot copy it. You can also tell her that you feel like she is smothering you because she tries to do everything that you do. Suggest that you need a little space. Be sure to tell her it doesn't mean that you don't care about her. It just means that you hope she will choose to develop her individuality more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in high school, and a lot of my classmates have recently started having invitation-only parties. I haven't been invited to these parties, and I am starting to feel bad about my social life. My parents won't let me throw a party, but I want to have something to do on the weekends, too. How can I have a social life if I'm not invited to these exclusive parties? -- Party Pooper, Dearborn, Michigan

DEAR PARTY POOPER: Navigating the social scene during high school can seem like walking through land mines. It can be so difficult figuring out where you belong, who are your true friends and even how to have fun. Stay in touch with what is important to you, and do your best not to get caught up in what other people are doing. To that end, if the students who are hosting these parties are not really your friends, do your best to stop thinking about them and their social activities. Instead, think about what you like to do, and figure out ways to do more of that.

Also, find out why your parents will not let you throw a party. Is it because of the size or expense? If there are any circumstances under which they would allow it, say if it were small, try to host something. Sometimes when you extend an invitation, doors are opened by others for you to be a part of their activities.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends has recently become a successful model. She has been signed with a modeling agency for years and recently walked in many shows at New York Fashion Week. I've noticed that as her success grows, so does her self-confidence ... but not in a positive way. I've witnessed her laugh at people who "think they're pretty" or "think they have good bodies." I remind her that she is an exception and not the typical body type at almost 6 feet with Danish heritage. My chiding does not seem to lessen her judgment of others.

I am concerned with what she could be saying about me behind my back. If she is rude about most people, she is probably rude about me behind my back. I want to bring her down to earth the way she used to be, but I am at a loss for where to start. Any suggestions? -- Not Model Behavior, Queens, New York

DEAR NOT MODEL BEHAVIOR: This could be your friend's season to get a big head. Too often, when the ego outgrows one's internal filter, a person's vision becomes clouded and what used to be so obvious is unclear. What's also true in the world of modeling is that everyone is constantly being judged by how she or he looks -- every little feature. It becomes an obsession sometimes for models to stay looking as "beautiful" as possible because how they look determines whether they work. Sadly, what looks like self-confidence to you may actually be insecurity masked by ego. Whatever the case, this does not mean you shouldn't make the effort to shake your friend back to reality.

Rather than worrying about what she says about you -- because you cannot control that, and you already see that she is in rude mode right now -- focus on supporting her. Tell her that you are concerned that her growing success in this image-driven business is getting to her better senses. Tell her that it disturbs you that she speaks so rudely about the way that people look. Compliment her once more on how her striking looks seem to work for her in the tough industry of modeling, but ask her to remember to be kind to those who don't look like her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: During a recent family reunion, I realized one of my aunts wears a nauseating perfume. When I greeted her, it almost knocked me to the floor! I love her and would never try to hurt her feelings, so I sat a few feet away from her when we were speaking. She asked me why I was a little far, and I made up an excuse about loving the comfort of the chair more than the couch she was sitting on. I feel like I would have been crossing the line by telling her the perfume was too strong. I don't want to take Advil to cure the headache the aroma gives me, but situating myself a little farther away produced an awkward situation. Do I just have to deal with the headache to maintain peace? -- Not Smelling the Roses, New Orleans

DEAR NOT SMELLING THE ROSES: Your aunt probably doesn't realize how much perfume she put on. It would be a gift to her if you let her know. Her feelings are hurt that you kept your distance. Let her know what can easily close the divide.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)