DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends has recently become a successful model. She has been signed with a modeling agency for years and recently walked in many shows at New York Fashion Week. I've noticed that as her success grows, so does her self-confidence ... but not in a positive way. I've witnessed her laugh at people who "think they're pretty" or "think they have good bodies." I remind her that she is an exception and not the typical body type at almost 6 feet with Danish heritage. My chiding does not seem to lessen her judgment of others.

I am concerned with what she could be saying about me behind my back. If she is rude about most people, she is probably rude about me behind my back. I want to bring her down to earth the way she used to be, but I am at a loss for where to start. Any suggestions? -- Not Model Behavior, Queens, New York

DEAR NOT MODEL BEHAVIOR: This could be your friend's season to get a big head. Too often, when the ego outgrows one's internal filter, a person's vision becomes clouded and what used to be so obvious is unclear. What's also true in the world of modeling is that everyone is constantly being judged by how she or he looks -- every little feature. It becomes an obsession sometimes for models to stay looking as "beautiful" as possible because how they look determines whether they work. Sadly, what looks like self-confidence to you may actually be insecurity masked by ego. Whatever the case, this does not mean you shouldn't make the effort to shake your friend back to reality.

Rather than worrying about what she says about you -- because you cannot control that, and you already see that she is in rude mode right now -- focus on supporting her. Tell her that you are concerned that her growing success in this image-driven business is getting to her better senses. Tell her that it disturbs you that she speaks so rudely about the way that people look. Compliment her once more on how her striking looks seem to work for her in the tough industry of modeling, but ask her to remember to be kind to those who don't look like her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: During a recent family reunion, I realized one of my aunts wears a nauseating perfume. When I greeted her, it almost knocked me to the floor! I love her and would never try to hurt her feelings, so I sat a few feet away from her when we were speaking. She asked me why I was a little far, and I made up an excuse about loving the comfort of the chair more than the couch she was sitting on. I feel like I would have been crossing the line by telling her the perfume was too strong. I don't want to take Advil to cure the headache the aroma gives me, but situating myself a little farther away produced an awkward situation. Do I just have to deal with the headache to maintain peace? -- Not Smelling the Roses, New Orleans

DEAR NOT SMELLING THE ROSES: Your aunt probably doesn't realize how much perfume she put on. It would be a gift to her if you let her know. Her feelings are hurt that you kept your distance. Let her know what can easily close the divide.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My company's etiquette coach told me that when we go to a restaurant, we should tip our waiter before we order our food to insure proper service. I would like some clarity on this scenario. -- Fine dining, Manhattan, New York

DEAR FINE DINING: I'm thinking that your company's etiquette coach is referring to the maitre d' of a fine-dining restaurant, who is essentially the person managing the floor of the restaurant during the meal. Historically, it was common for guests who wanted extra-special service to tip the maitre d' anywhere from $50 to $100 in advance of the meal to ensure preferential treatment.

I honestly do not think this is necessary in most restaurants these days. If you go to a good restaurant and establish a friendly rapport with the maitre d' and your server, you should be afforded fine service. If you are hosting dignitaries or even a large group of people and you want to make sure the dining experience is as smooth as possible, you may want to have a side conversation with your server and ask him or her to ensure that all goes well. That's when a tip can come in handy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wrote a book a few years ago and gave an autographed copy to a lovely woman I met around that same time. She seemed to be happy to receive it. But then I was at a used bookstore the other day and came upon the exact copy I had given to her -- with the personalized message, up for sale to whoever might want it. This really hurt my feelings. I understand that I may not be the best author in the world, but I inscribed the book to this woman and really took my time to make it special for her. Should I say anything to her about it? I see her from time to time. We aren't friends, but occasionally we find ourselves in the same circles. -- Hurt Feelings, Denver

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: As hard as it may seem right now, what you need to do is let this go. The woman received your book from you, hopefully as you intended. But clearly she had no more use for it. Rather than throwing it away, she gave it to a place that could repurpose it for someone else who may want to read your work. Consider it a blessing that the book remains in rotation. I completely understand how her discarding your sentiment along with your published words could be hurtful, but I strongly recommend that you not linger on that. Instead, focus on the positive -- your loving work will continue to flow through the world and hopefully touch someone else positively.

Refrain from telling this woman that you found her autographed copy of your book in a used bookstore. All that will do is stir up feelings of discomfort. No good will come of that. Trust me.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to my neighborhood hair salon because I was desperately in need of a new hairstyle. I spoke to my hairstylist and told her what kind of haircut I would like to have. She liked my idea and began to create my new hairstyle, but when she finished, my hair was a total mess. The stylist cut my hair way too short and colored it too dark. I am so upset right now because the hairstylist did not listen to my directions. I feel like taking a few weeks off until my hair grows back to its original length. I would like to know if there is a way the hairstylist can refund my money, or do you think I can ask for a free haircut the next time I come back to this salon? -- Splitting Hairs, Chicago

DEAR SPLITTING HAIRS: I have many questions in order to help you through this. Is this your regular salon? Is this your regular stylist? What type of relationship do you have with the salon? Most important, did you express your disappointment with your cut and hair color before you left the salon?

If you have a long-term relationship with the hair salon, your chances are greater that they will try to accommodate you and help you figure out how to be comfortable, either by recoloring your hair or restyling it. They might also be willing to give you a free cut in the future. But these "ifs" are dependent upon how much they value you as a customer. If you did not say anything before you left the salon, it may be harder for you to go back days or weeks later to complain. Handling complaints in the moment is the best strategy. Before you go back there, make sure you feel confident that someone can fulfill your styling needs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend has a serious problem. He is a sneaker collector, and it is driving me crazy because he has sneakers all over the apartment. Currently, he has over 600 pairs of sneakers in the house, and I am having a hard time walking around. I wanted to make breakfast in the morning, but I was not able to because there are sneakers in the kitchen. I do not know what to do; his collection is out of control. Can you offer some advice on how I can I manage my boyfriend's collection without losing my temper? -- Too Many Sneakers, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR TOO MANY SNEAKERS: Your boyfriend is a sneaker hoarder! Call him on his addiction and tell him it is time for him to get a storage unit to house his sneakers or sell some of them off to make room in your home. Likely, he will balk at the idea. Show him that the route to the kitchen, and even the use of the kitchen, is compromised by his sneakers. Go around your home and point out what else is dysfunctional because of his kicks. Enlist the help of friends or family if he refuses to see reality.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)