DEAR HARRIETTE: My company's etiquette coach told me that when we go to a restaurant, we should tip our waiter before we order our food to insure proper service. I would like some clarity on this scenario. -- Fine dining, Manhattan, New York

DEAR FINE DINING: I'm thinking that your company's etiquette coach is referring to the maitre d' of a fine-dining restaurant, who is essentially the person managing the floor of the restaurant during the meal. Historically, it was common for guests who wanted extra-special service to tip the maitre d' anywhere from $50 to $100 in advance of the meal to ensure preferential treatment.

I honestly do not think this is necessary in most restaurants these days. If you go to a good restaurant and establish a friendly rapport with the maitre d' and your server, you should be afforded fine service. If you are hosting dignitaries or even a large group of people and you want to make sure the dining experience is as smooth as possible, you may want to have a side conversation with your server and ask him or her to ensure that all goes well. That's when a tip can come in handy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wrote a book a few years ago and gave an autographed copy to a lovely woman I met around that same time. She seemed to be happy to receive it. But then I was at a used bookstore the other day and came upon the exact copy I had given to her -- with the personalized message, up for sale to whoever might want it. This really hurt my feelings. I understand that I may not be the best author in the world, but I inscribed the book to this woman and really took my time to make it special for her. Should I say anything to her about it? I see her from time to time. We aren't friends, but occasionally we find ourselves in the same circles. -- Hurt Feelings, Denver

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: As hard as it may seem right now, what you need to do is let this go. The woman received your book from you, hopefully as you intended. But clearly she had no more use for it. Rather than throwing it away, she gave it to a place that could repurpose it for someone else who may want to read your work. Consider it a blessing that the book remains in rotation. I completely understand how her discarding your sentiment along with your published words could be hurtful, but I strongly recommend that you not linger on that. Instead, focus on the positive -- your loving work will continue to flow through the world and hopefully touch someone else positively.

Refrain from telling this woman that you found her autographed copy of your book in a used bookstore. All that will do is stir up feelings of discomfort. No good will come of that. Trust me.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to my neighborhood hair salon because I was desperately in need of a new hairstyle. I spoke to my hairstylist and told her what kind of haircut I would like to have. She liked my idea and began to create my new hairstyle, but when she finished, my hair was a total mess. The stylist cut my hair way too short and colored it too dark. I am so upset right now because the hairstylist did not listen to my directions. I feel like taking a few weeks off until my hair grows back to its original length. I would like to know if there is a way the hairstylist can refund my money, or do you think I can ask for a free haircut the next time I come back to this salon? -- Splitting Hairs, Chicago

DEAR SPLITTING HAIRS: I have many questions in order to help you through this. Is this your regular salon? Is this your regular stylist? What type of relationship do you have with the salon? Most important, did you express your disappointment with your cut and hair color before you left the salon?

If you have a long-term relationship with the hair salon, your chances are greater that they will try to accommodate you and help you figure out how to be comfortable, either by recoloring your hair or restyling it. They might also be willing to give you a free cut in the future. But these "ifs" are dependent upon how much they value you as a customer. If you did not say anything before you left the salon, it may be harder for you to go back days or weeks later to complain. Handling complaints in the moment is the best strategy. Before you go back there, make sure you feel confident that someone can fulfill your styling needs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend has a serious problem. He is a sneaker collector, and it is driving me crazy because he has sneakers all over the apartment. Currently, he has over 600 pairs of sneakers in the house, and I am having a hard time walking around. I wanted to make breakfast in the morning, but I was not able to because there are sneakers in the kitchen. I do not know what to do; his collection is out of control. Can you offer some advice on how I can I manage my boyfriend's collection without losing my temper? -- Too Many Sneakers, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR TOO MANY SNEAKERS: Your boyfriend is a sneaker hoarder! Call him on his addiction and tell him it is time for him to get a storage unit to house his sneakers or sell some of them off to make room in your home. Likely, he will balk at the idea. Show him that the route to the kitchen, and even the use of the kitchen, is compromised by his sneakers. Go around your home and point out what else is dysfunctional because of his kicks. Enlist the help of friends or family if he refuses to see reality.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have decided to get fit and have begun going to yoga classes. Apparently, a part of the yoga culture is ignoring if someone passes gas in the middle of class! I have just started going to classes in the past month, and these loud gaffes happen roughly every other class. Nothing is said when this happens, and I am baffled. Shouldn't someone always say, "excuse me"? I understand respecting the silence of yoga, but the gas has already interrupted the peace! I am not going to correct someone on her behavior, but I would like to know what the proper etiquette is. Do these unwritten rules of yoga forgive bad manners? -- Confused Yogi, Oneonta, New York

DEAR CONFUSED YOGI: While it surely is unpleasant to be downwind from someone's gas gaffe, I'm sure you know that such utterances are natural. Passing gas happens in the body, in every human body, and often cannot be controlled. This is especially true in a movement class that is designed to relax and strengthen your body as it guides it into alignment.

The reality is that passing gas in yoga class is not bad manners. Yes, it may be awkward and even smelly, but it's not like someone intentionally chose to contaminate the air. I have found that yoga classes can sometimes have a thickness in the air that is a combination of sweat and other bodily odors. Either you learn to live with it or choose a different studio that may have a better air purification system.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a receptionist, and I like what I do, but I am having the hardest time getting my work done. When my co-workers need to talk or they have problems, they come to me to vent. I am honored that my co-workers stop to talk to me, but the opinion seems to be that receptionists are boring and don't hold a true value for a company. I love when my co-workers pay me a visit, but I need to get my work done as well. How do I tell my co-workers to limit their visits during work hours without hurting their feelings? -- Front Desk Problems, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR FRONT DESK PROBLEMS: Be upfront with your co-workers. Let them know when you do not have time to chat. If they come up and start talking to you when you are facing a deadline, look up and ask them if you can talk later because you have to get something completed right away.

In your effort to be valued and liked by your co-workers, you may just be reinforcing the very stereotype that you want to dispel, namely that your time is not as valuable as theirs, so they can come to you whenever they feel like it. Train them to talk with you at times that work for everyone. Feel confident speaking up and expressing your desire to chat with them at a particular time. You can gently remind them that you have to get your work done, too!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)