DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a believer that everything happens with a reason and purpose. A man I have known for 20 years has come back into my life. The connection is really strong between us, but we do not live in the same state. He has two children and a common-law wife, but I do not care because I am in love with him. Do you think I should explore these feelings, or should I let past feelings stay in the past? -- Wonderful Memories, Baton Rouge, Louisiana

DEAR WONDERFUL MEMORIES: Let the past stay in the past. You are a dreamer, which can be nice; however, in this case, your dreaming can set your life and this man's on a course toward disaster. He obviously has made his choice to build a family with his partner and their children. For you to explore romantic possibilities with him while he is in an obviously committed relationship would be disrespectful and potentially destructive. If you do not believe you can curb your feelings for him, step away and do not rekindle any kind of friendship with him. It is not worth it for anyone involved.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need some help. I have a friend who is at least an hour late to every function I invite him to. It drives me crazy because my friend always has an amazing excuse for his tardiness. Last week, I invited him to a concert, and he arrived an hour into the performance. Since going to the concert, I have thought about creative ways for him to arrive on time. For example, I could tell my friend we will meet an hour and a half before our scheduled time. That way, if he is running an hour late, he will actually be on time. I hope this plan works because I do not want to find a new friend. -- Tardy to the Party, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR TARDY TO THE PARTY: Before you come up with a range of creative strategies to trick this friend into being on time, find out why he is always late. Ask him directly. Ask him if he is late in other parts of his life. Does he go to work late? Visit other friends late? Probe to figure out what his story is. You want to determine if this is an overall pattern or if he is not valuing your friendship in ways that you would appreciate and expect.

Rather than attempting to trick him, be direct with him. Tell him that if he cannot show up on time to meet you, you will have to limit what you invite him to attend. Point out the concert when he was an hour late. Maybe a concert is not the right function for you to share. You can also give him a time limit. Perhaps you will wait 30 minutes for him, and after that you will leave. By establishing your boundaries, you can be less vulnerable to waiting for your phantom friend to show up.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have become the unofficial marriage counselor for a couple I have known for years. I am close with the wife and have been for a long time. Recently, her husband has been calling me to get my judgment on their fights, probably because he knows I have her opinions on the matter. He's even called me in the middle of the night! I unknowingly fell into this position, and I am in no way a certified marriage counselor. I feel awkward being the middleman, but it seems like I am helping their rocky relationship because they communicate better. The husband is against therapy. How do I back out of this surprise counseling, or at least establish "office hours" for these calls? -- Love is Calling, Muskegon, Michigan

DEAR LOVE IS CALLING: It may seem good that your counsel has been helpful so far, but you must recognize that you are living in vulnerable territory right now. Talk to your friends individually or together and explain how much you love them both and how much you wish for them to work through their challenges and come to a better place in their marriage. Point out that you are not a professional and you are concerned that you are in over your head. When you speak to the husband, tell him directly that you recommend professional counseling -- even though he doesn't prefer it -- because it can give him an objective perspective with proven coping tools in order to support him on his journey. Explain to your friends that you want to preserve your relationship with each of them as well as your own sanity, so you need to step back from being the intermediary for them.

At that point, you really do have to stop the conversations about their marriage on both sides. Just change the subject when they start -- even if this requires you to step away from them for a bit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single mother of two. My friends and family are always telling me that I need to take time for myself. However, when the opportunity presents itself, I feel guilty. I feel like I should be there for my children to make sure that they are getting all that they need to grow up with solid values. In my spare time, which is limited, I feel bad about going out. How do I create that balance between being a parent and having a social life? -- Balancing Act, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR BALANCING ACT: It is important for you to regenerate yourself so that you have the patience and focus to give your children your loving attention. This means that every now and then it is important for you to branch out and have fun. Why not schedule one evening a month that you go on a date or hang out with friends? You could get your nails done or go to a movie -- something that feels like it's for you. A small act of self-kindness can go a long way to making you ready and available to your children without feeling burned out. Ask a family member, another mom, friend or neighbor to watch your children. Or splurge here and there on a baby sitter.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently I downloaded the hookup app Tinder. I was swiping through photos and was alerted I had a match. Much to my surprise, it was my twin brother's friend! I am mortified and completely unsure how to continue. I never knew this boy felt this way about me, and he is my twin's friend! Telling my brother would make this whole situation even more awkward, and I cringe at the thought of telling my brother I use this app. Does this situation require a conversation, or could I assume my twin's friend will sweep this under the rug and not tell my brother? The app has since remained closed on my phone, but I don't want my brother finding these things out about me. -- Tinder Trauma, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR TINDER TRAUMA: Be careful where you go and what you do! You know this already, and here is an example of why that is an important piece of wisdom. That said, you haven't done anything other than sign up for this site. Your twin is not an issue in this. His friend is. Rather than pretending that this didn't happen, you should say something to the friend. Drum up the courage to speak to him either directly or via email -- not through Tinder. Tell him that you noticed his interest on Tinder. Admit that it embarrassed you. Add that you didn't know he liked you. Your tone can set the stage for what's next. You do not have to engage in any intimate acts with this friend. You have the choice now to neutralize your relationship. If you decide to try dating, do so without the crutch of a titillating website.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am trying to make a name for myself in the photography industry. A few years ago, I agreed to an unpaid job for an online magazine. I have been doing photo shoots and concert photography for their publications. A positive to this job is having a resume builder, but I feel as though I am being shafted. After years of being a loyal employee and trekking to photo shoots and concerts hours away, no one has proposed the idea of paying me. I agreed to an unpaid job, but after three years, I feel it is time for a change. Is there anything I could say to get a salary, or is it time to part ways? -- Photo Shoots and Misses, Philadelphia

DEAR PHOTO SHOOTS AND MISSES: It is time for you to speak up. Ask for a meeting with your direct supervisor to discuss your job performance. Be proactive and let him or her know that you are happy to have been working with the site for the past three years and that you would like to be compensated now. If you have any knowledge of what other photographers for the site have been making, point that out and ask to be compensated the same. If the answer is no, that may be a sign that you should start looking elsewhere for a paid position.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)