DEAR HARRIETTE: I have become the unofficial marriage counselor for a couple I have known for years. I am close with the wife and have been for a long time. Recently, her husband has been calling me to get my judgment on their fights, probably because he knows I have her opinions on the matter. He's even called me in the middle of the night! I unknowingly fell into this position, and I am in no way a certified marriage counselor. I feel awkward being the middleman, but it seems like I am helping their rocky relationship because they communicate better. The husband is against therapy. How do I back out of this surprise counseling, or at least establish "office hours" for these calls? -- Love is Calling, Muskegon, Michigan

DEAR LOVE IS CALLING: It may seem good that your counsel has been helpful so far, but you must recognize that you are living in vulnerable territory right now. Talk to your friends individually or together and explain how much you love them both and how much you wish for them to work through their challenges and come to a better place in their marriage. Point out that you are not a professional and you are concerned that you are in over your head. When you speak to the husband, tell him directly that you recommend professional counseling -- even though he doesn't prefer it -- because it can give him an objective perspective with proven coping tools in order to support him on his journey. Explain to your friends that you want to preserve your relationship with each of them as well as your own sanity, so you need to step back from being the intermediary for them.

At that point, you really do have to stop the conversations about their marriage on both sides. Just change the subject when they start -- even if this requires you to step away from them for a bit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single mother of two. My friends and family are always telling me that I need to take time for myself. However, when the opportunity presents itself, I feel guilty. I feel like I should be there for my children to make sure that they are getting all that they need to grow up with solid values. In my spare time, which is limited, I feel bad about going out. How do I create that balance between being a parent and having a social life? -- Balancing Act, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR BALANCING ACT: It is important for you to regenerate yourself so that you have the patience and focus to give your children your loving attention. This means that every now and then it is important for you to branch out and have fun. Why not schedule one evening a month that you go on a date or hang out with friends? You could get your nails done or go to a movie -- something that feels like it's for you. A small act of self-kindness can go a long way to making you ready and available to your children without feeling burned out. Ask a family member, another mom, friend or neighbor to watch your children. Or splurge here and there on a baby sitter.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently I downloaded the hookup app Tinder. I was swiping through photos and was alerted I had a match. Much to my surprise, it was my twin brother's friend! I am mortified and completely unsure how to continue. I never knew this boy felt this way about me, and he is my twin's friend! Telling my brother would make this whole situation even more awkward, and I cringe at the thought of telling my brother I use this app. Does this situation require a conversation, or could I assume my twin's friend will sweep this under the rug and not tell my brother? The app has since remained closed on my phone, but I don't want my brother finding these things out about me. -- Tinder Trauma, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR TINDER TRAUMA: Be careful where you go and what you do! You know this already, and here is an example of why that is an important piece of wisdom. That said, you haven't done anything other than sign up for this site. Your twin is not an issue in this. His friend is. Rather than pretending that this didn't happen, you should say something to the friend. Drum up the courage to speak to him either directly or via email -- not through Tinder. Tell him that you noticed his interest on Tinder. Admit that it embarrassed you. Add that you didn't know he liked you. Your tone can set the stage for what's next. You do not have to engage in any intimate acts with this friend. You have the choice now to neutralize your relationship. If you decide to try dating, do so without the crutch of a titillating website.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am trying to make a name for myself in the photography industry. A few years ago, I agreed to an unpaid job for an online magazine. I have been doing photo shoots and concert photography for their publications. A positive to this job is having a resume builder, but I feel as though I am being shafted. After years of being a loyal employee and trekking to photo shoots and concerts hours away, no one has proposed the idea of paying me. I agreed to an unpaid job, but after three years, I feel it is time for a change. Is there anything I could say to get a salary, or is it time to part ways? -- Photo Shoots and Misses, Philadelphia

DEAR PHOTO SHOOTS AND MISSES: It is time for you to speak up. Ask for a meeting with your direct supervisor to discuss your job performance. Be proactive and let him or her know that you are happy to have been working with the site for the past three years and that you would like to be compensated now. If you have any knowledge of what other photographers for the site have been making, point that out and ask to be compensated the same. If the answer is no, that may be a sign that you should start looking elsewhere for a paid position.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son goes to private school thanks to a considerable scholarship. We are enormously grateful for this opportunity. The one challenge we continue to have, though, is that many of the children come from wealthy homes, and we can't begin to keep up with them on any level. Most of the children came back from summer break talking about their trips to Europe and Asia. My kid went down South to visit his grandma for a month, which has been a family tradition for several generations. I want my son to feel confident talking about his experiences, but I fear that he often feels poor and then not as good as them, so he doesn't even tell them. How can I help him to feel confident in the sea of so much wealth? -- A Great Divide, Westchester, New York

DEAR A GREAT DIVIDE: Start by reminding your child of the richness of your culture. If your son participated in a generations-old family tradition, make sure he knows how special that is. Talk to him about the experiences he has, the people with whom he interacts and what it means for him and his life. Also, be clear with him that he does not need to try to compete with the other children. As hard as it may be at times, he must learn that his life, as it is, is valuable.

You may also want to enroll him in activities outside of his school that are grounded in your community, so he can be in the company of people of similar socioeconomic status and shared values. He needs to learn to navigate in different cultures and feel confident everywhere. This takes conscious effort on your part to create engagements in which he can prosper.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently made a recommendation that I am second-guessing. I recommended a younger friend from my hometown to be a baby sitter for a family that I used to work for. They are a modern family with wealth and two adopted sons (who were born a month apart but are referred to as twins). The children have two fathers, and their family has always welcomed me and made me feel at home while I looked after their children. After I moved away, I recommended my friend Mary to this family. I briefed her to not say things like, "When is your mother coming home?" or question why the "twin" boys are not identical. Mary contacted me recently and mentioned that she had asked these questions, which I find incredibly rude and invasive. She is my friend and I do not want to chastise her, but I feel as though I made a mistake recommending her. Although this is not a business recommendation, I do want to get better at knowing how to critique people for recommendations. What should my system be? Should I apologize to the family I used to work for? -- Embarrassed Employee, Westchester, New York

DEAR EMBARRASSED EMPLOYEE: This is a business recommendation that you should take seriously. Still, you cannot control how someone behaves. Call the family to check in. Ask them how Mary is working out. Do not bring up her indiscretions. Instead, ask if she is working out. In the future, ask as many questions as you can of the potential employee, and share all that you know with the potential employee so that you are clear and honest.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)