DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently I downloaded the hookup app Tinder. I was swiping through photos and was alerted I had a match. Much to my surprise, it was my twin brother's friend! I am mortified and completely unsure how to continue. I never knew this boy felt this way about me, and he is my twin's friend! Telling my brother would make this whole situation even more awkward, and I cringe at the thought of telling my brother I use this app. Does this situation require a conversation, or could I assume my twin's friend will sweep this under the rug and not tell my brother? The app has since remained closed on my phone, but I don't want my brother finding these things out about me. -- Tinder Trauma, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR TINDER TRAUMA: Be careful where you go and what you do! You know this already, and here is an example of why that is an important piece of wisdom. That said, you haven't done anything other than sign up for this site. Your twin is not an issue in this. His friend is. Rather than pretending that this didn't happen, you should say something to the friend. Drum up the courage to speak to him either directly or via email -- not through Tinder. Tell him that you noticed his interest on Tinder. Admit that it embarrassed you. Add that you didn't know he liked you. Your tone can set the stage for what's next. You do not have to engage in any intimate acts with this friend. You have the choice now to neutralize your relationship. If you decide to try dating, do so without the crutch of a titillating website.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am trying to make a name for myself in the photography industry. A few years ago, I agreed to an unpaid job for an online magazine. I have been doing photo shoots and concert photography for their publications. A positive to this job is having a resume builder, but I feel as though I am being shafted. After years of being a loyal employee and trekking to photo shoots and concerts hours away, no one has proposed the idea of paying me. I agreed to an unpaid job, but after three years, I feel it is time for a change. Is there anything I could say to get a salary, or is it time to part ways? -- Photo Shoots and Misses, Philadelphia

DEAR PHOTO SHOOTS AND MISSES: It is time for you to speak up. Ask for a meeting with your direct supervisor to discuss your job performance. Be proactive and let him or her know that you are happy to have been working with the site for the past three years and that you would like to be compensated now. If you have any knowledge of what other photographers for the site have been making, point that out and ask to be compensated the same. If the answer is no, that may be a sign that you should start looking elsewhere for a paid position.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son goes to private school thanks to a considerable scholarship. We are enormously grateful for this opportunity. The one challenge we continue to have, though, is that many of the children come from wealthy homes, and we can't begin to keep up with them on any level. Most of the children came back from summer break talking about their trips to Europe and Asia. My kid went down South to visit his grandma for a month, which has been a family tradition for several generations. I want my son to feel confident talking about his experiences, but I fear that he often feels poor and then not as good as them, so he doesn't even tell them. How can I help him to feel confident in the sea of so much wealth? -- A Great Divide, Westchester, New York

DEAR A GREAT DIVIDE: Start by reminding your child of the richness of your culture. If your son participated in a generations-old family tradition, make sure he knows how special that is. Talk to him about the experiences he has, the people with whom he interacts and what it means for him and his life. Also, be clear with him that he does not need to try to compete with the other children. As hard as it may be at times, he must learn that his life, as it is, is valuable.

You may also want to enroll him in activities outside of his school that are grounded in your community, so he can be in the company of people of similar socioeconomic status and shared values. He needs to learn to navigate in different cultures and feel confident everywhere. This takes conscious effort on your part to create engagements in which he can prosper.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently made a recommendation that I am second-guessing. I recommended a younger friend from my hometown to be a baby sitter for a family that I used to work for. They are a modern family with wealth and two adopted sons (who were born a month apart but are referred to as twins). The children have two fathers, and their family has always welcomed me and made me feel at home while I looked after their children. After I moved away, I recommended my friend Mary to this family. I briefed her to not say things like, "When is your mother coming home?" or question why the "twin" boys are not identical. Mary contacted me recently and mentioned that she had asked these questions, which I find incredibly rude and invasive. She is my friend and I do not want to chastise her, but I feel as though I made a mistake recommending her. Although this is not a business recommendation, I do want to get better at knowing how to critique people for recommendations. What should my system be? Should I apologize to the family I used to work for? -- Embarrassed Employee, Westchester, New York

DEAR EMBARRASSED EMPLOYEE: This is a business recommendation that you should take seriously. Still, you cannot control how someone behaves. Call the family to check in. Ask them how Mary is working out. Do not bring up her indiscretions. Instead, ask if she is working out. In the future, ask as many questions as you can of the potential employee, and share all that you know with the potential employee so that you are clear and honest.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of my family is an older woman who has been independent her whole life. After she retired, she became the chair of a charitable board and says she is not ready to relax or stop working. She is nearing 80, and my family has noticed that she seems to need assistance with physical aspects in her life. She cannot bend down easily or carry things over a couple of pounds without dropping them. Her mind is very sharp, but her body is not as able as it used to be. Whenever someone mentions anything regarding her needing help, she gets incredibly defensive and shuts down the conversation. I can imagine that realizing one's body is aging is not the best feeling, but I want her to accept her limitations and know how to ask for help with physical labor. Who should talk to her about this? We don't want her getting hurt over something avoidable. -- Handing Over the Reins, Dallas

DEAR HANDING OVER THE REINS: Part of the reason that older people who are vibrant remain so is that they put mind over matter. They often will themselves into being able to do things that their bodies no longer feel comfortable doing. This is also why it is important for people like you to be on the lookout.

One thing that we do with my 85-year-old mother, who sometimes has difficulty walking, is to say that in places like airports she should ride in a wheelchair. Why waste your walking on those long walkways? Save walking for when you have to do it! She likes that option. With your friend, you may offer to help with this or that while saying, "Why waste your energy on handling groceries when you need it for supporting your charity?" Translation: Think of a viable reason for her to relinquish certain duties without pointing out her frailty. You should get better results.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have several email addresses, primarily because I was trying to be super organized. What I have discovered is that I have missed important messages from people because I haven't checked all of my emails regularly. I missed a series of events because I didn't see the invitation until afterward. Now I'm feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed. My system doesn't work for me, at least not right now. How do I mend things with my clients who probably think I blew them off, and how do I manage my multiple addresses without going crazy? -- Techno Crazed, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TECHNO CRAZED: Start by writing to your clients and apologizing for missing their events. Admit that you did not see the invitations until after the events had passed. If you would prefer for them to use one email address, invite them to use that as a default.

Continue to monitor the other addresses, though. On a daily basis, glance through all of your addresses. Until you wean your clients off of the range of addresses, a daily check is your best way to stay on top of all communication.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)