DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an extremely argumentative friend, Alex. It is embarrassing to me, and I never find his bravado courageous or his cursing intimidating. For example, Alex found out one of his friends was talking about another friend behind his back. Alex walked out into the hallway, a more public setting, and began calling the wronged friend. The conversation went something like, "I don't give a f---, he is a piece of s---. I'm going to f---ing hit him so hard, he'll know to never mess with us!" No one was impressed with this method of dealing with the issue. Nobody believes he will follow through, and Alex is simply too dramatic. Should I casually call him out or let him continue in his macho facade? -- Call Your Bluff, Washington, D.C.

DEAR CALL YOUR BLUFF: On one hand, with the example you gave, you can see that Alex was attempting to stand up for the wronged friend. And yet, he did so in an out-of-control way. Perhaps you can speak to him through the voice of compassion. Tell him that you believe that he has good intentions when he goes off about things, but it disturbs you greatly. Give him a couple of specific examples along with your interpretation of what was embarrassing or disturbing about his behavior. Do not assume that he will understand. If he did, he wouldn't be behaving that way in the first place. In the end, know that people are the way they are. If he offends you all the time, it may be wise for you to spend less time with him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had a great experience volunteering at an interfaith center. I helped to prepare a luncheon, and the women from the center were impressed with me. They asked about my previous volunteer work and told me how happy they would be to have me come back. Then the conversation became uncomfortable when the women asked me what faith and place of worship I belonged to. I am not religious and I told them as kindly as I could, but there was a noticeable shift in the conversation. Was I wrong to volunteer at the center in the first place? I have never known of religious restrictions for volunteers, and I certainly would have respected whatever boundaries were in place. Now there are more volunteer opportunities at the interfaith center, and I do not know what to do. I want to help others, but do not want to be judged or unwelcome because of my religious beliefs. Should I focus on the aid or find a different project? -- Charitable Confusion, Albany, New York

DEAR CHARITABLE CONFUSION: You are correct that this charity should not judge you based on your personal religious beliefs. It is likely that they were not trying to judge you. In the space of friendly conversation, the other volunteers stumbled upon information that put you at odds with each other. Speak to the director of the interfaith center, and describe what happened. Describe how much you enjoyed your time, and ask if you should still feel welcome. If the center cannot work with you toward that goal, find another place to volunteer.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt and uncle have been separated for years. She was a less-than-perfect spouse, and she now lives with the man with whom she cheated on my uncle. During my aunt's vacation with her boyfriend, my cousin confided to her father that things are not looking good between his ex-wife and her new beau. They have been fighting nonstop, even on vacation. Since my uncle and aunt were never divorced, just separated, my aunt will most likely move back into her old house with their children -- and my uncle. She has access to good lawyers and has the right to live in the house, and she does not care about my uncle's feelings.

I don't know what to do about family events going forward. Even though they will probably be living under the same roof soon, there will be feelings of resentment. But they are still technically married, so I am not sure if taking the high road consists of inviting her and pretending the past two years have not happened. What do I do? -- Family Fumbles, Detroit

DEAR FAMILY FUMBLES: Since your cousin confided in you and you want to protect your uncle, consider suggesting that he secure a lawyer to protect himself. There could be a chance that he can keep your aunt from moving back in based on adultery. All you can do is suggest this to him, and then leave it up to him to take action.

As it relates to the future, follow your uncle's lead. You can ask him what he would like for you to do as it relates to your aunt. What happens between your aunt and uncle is their business, so you shouldn't get too involved.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am completely in love with my girlfriend. We have been dating for over a year now, and I want to become closer to her family. Her family is going to France on vacation in a few months, and I thought it'd be a great idea for me to go with them. When I brought this up to my girlfriend, she told me no! She is worried that I won't vacation well with her family because they always do things as a group, whereas I prefer to fulfill my interests on my own. I told her I could compromise for this trip, and she claims she'll be worrying about me the entire time and does not want her trip with her family to be ruined. I think she is overreacting and this would be a great way to bring everyone together, and she feels as though I am intruding and do not understand her family's customs. Who is in the wrong? -- Want a Vacation, Denver

DEAR WANT A VACATION: Sorry, but you are wrong here. You are still new in your relationship, and your girlfriend did not invite you to join this trip. Stop pushing when she clearly is not ready. If you want a vacation with her, invite her to do something with you. Wait until invited to join the family.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The older I get, the less patience I have for complainers. There are a few friends who have been sort of close to me for longer than I can remember. I think they have been there more out of habit than anything. Literally, whenever we talk, it's more out of habit than anything productive. It feels more like a chat session of what's wrong with everybody we know in our social circle and the world. I'm sick of it. I just don't want to waste my breath on negativity anymore. How can I release myself from these friends, or get them to change the subject? -- Ready to Refresh, Dallas

DEAR READY TO REFRESH: Before dumping your friends, talk to them. Tell them where you are, and that you want to choose to be positive on a daily basis. Express your concern that your group often gets caught up in gossip, and you just don't want to do that anymore. Ask them if they would be willing to talk about other things. Try it out by introducing topics that interest you.

Know, however, that it is difficult for people to change old habits. Even if they want to comply, it is not likely that they will be consistently able to do so. Same for you, by the way. You may find that it's best to limit your interaction with some or all of them. More, it's essential that you expand your horizons and engage in activities that will fill your spirit. By doing positive things, you will replace complaining time with inspiring time. You never know -- your friends may want to join you!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Many of the young people in my neighborhood are coming of the age to vote. As one who grew up when it seemed like everybody registered at the first second we could, I just don't understand why virtually none of these kids is even thinking about voting. I ask them regularly if they are paying attention to the political discussions of the presidential candidates, and if they are learning about what's going on in our town. I almost always get blank faces. One young man will talk to me, but none of the others. What can I do to inspire them to get involved? -- Get Registered, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR GET REGISTERED: Focus on the young man who is interested. Talk to him about the political process and how he can get involved in it. Encourage him to register to vote. Rather than trying to corral everyone, stick with him for now. The reality is that you are not likely be able to get every young person involved. There is a good chance, however, that inspiring this one young man may rub off on others.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)