DEAR HARRIETTE: The older I get, the less patience I have for complainers. There are a few friends who have been sort of close to me for longer than I can remember. I think they have been there more out of habit than anything. Literally, whenever we talk, it's more out of habit than anything productive. It feels more like a chat session of what's wrong with everybody we know in our social circle and the world. I'm sick of it. I just don't want to waste my breath on negativity anymore. How can I release myself from these friends, or get them to change the subject? -- Ready to Refresh, Dallas

DEAR READY TO REFRESH: Before dumping your friends, talk to them. Tell them where you are, and that you want to choose to be positive on a daily basis. Express your concern that your group often gets caught up in gossip, and you just don't want to do that anymore. Ask them if they would be willing to talk about other things. Try it out by introducing topics that interest you.

Know, however, that it is difficult for people to change old habits. Even if they want to comply, it is not likely that they will be consistently able to do so. Same for you, by the way. You may find that it's best to limit your interaction with some or all of them. More, it's essential that you expand your horizons and engage in activities that will fill your spirit. By doing positive things, you will replace complaining time with inspiring time. You never know -- your friends may want to join you!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Many of the young people in my neighborhood are coming of the age to vote. As one who grew up when it seemed like everybody registered at the first second we could, I just don't understand why virtually none of these kids is even thinking about voting. I ask them regularly if they are paying attention to the political discussions of the presidential candidates, and if they are learning about what's going on in our town. I almost always get blank faces. One young man will talk to me, but none of the others. What can I do to inspire them to get involved? -- Get Registered, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR GET REGISTERED: Focus on the young man who is interested. Talk to him about the political process and how he can get involved in it. Encourage him to register to vote. Rather than trying to corral everyone, stick with him for now. The reality is that you are not likely be able to get every young person involved. There is a good chance, however, that inspiring this one young man may rub off on others.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that one of my clients has a nephew who is probably 30 years younger than I am, and he has a big crush on me. I knew he tended to act extra friendly, but it never once occurred to me that he was being anything other than a proper gentleman. Not only is he vastly younger than me, but I also am happily married for as many years as he has been on the planet. How can I continue to treat this lovely young man in a kind way while also making it clear that there's no secret romance that will ever blossom between us? -- Drawing the Line, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: Crushes are real and occur across all kinds of boundaries. They are not bound by convention or any other cultural marker, as they are triggered by a physical reaction inside of your body. That said, crushes do not have to be acted upon or even acknowledged. You are likely better off remaining kind to this young man, treating him with the appropriate respect that you always have and ignoring his attraction to you. If, for some reason, you feel like he is getting out of line, however, you can thank him for his apparent interest in you, but remind him that you are happily married. No more discussion needed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a planner, and my husband is not. Every year we travel during the holiday season because we go to visit both of our families, and they live in two very different parts of the country. I believe that we should be mapping out our plan now, scheduling his vacation days and booking flights. He says it is way too early to think about. The problem is, I cannot force him to ask for time off even though I know that when he has waited in the past, sometimes we didn't get the time. Someone else had already requested it. How can I get him to consider starting now without making him feel bad in the process? -- Prepping for the Holidays, Detroit

DEAR PREPPING FOR THE HOLIDAYS: See if you can inspire your husband into being more proactive. Rather than trying to guilt him, remind him of the great fun you have when you spend time with his family and with your own. After you travel down memory lane and get him engaged, offer to plan everything out so that you are sure not to miss a thing. Recommend specific dates for him to request vacation days. Best-case scenario, you should have tentatively booked the flights, car rental and whatever else you need so that you can let your husband know that you are ready to go if he gets the dates locked in. Follow up with him in a couple of days to see if he has secured them and if you can help in any way to set everything up.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in strange situation with my next-door neighbor, Pete. Pete was injured on the job and has been living unemployed with his father next door for years. He is in his late 40s or early 50s. For lack of anything better to do, he spends a lot of his time drinking. Pete has even converted part of their kitchen into a bar! I do not mind Pete's drinking; what I do mind is his drunk singing. He gets inebriated and sings love ballads to squirrels and birds outside. Pete has a love for animals, but I cannot appreciate the bellowing at 2 a.m. when I am trying to sleep. This has been going on for a year now, off and on. It is so frustrating to me. I know he is allowed to do whatever he wants on his property, but this is crazy. We have a friendly relationship, and originally the situation was comical, but Pete is testing my limits with his ballads. Should I call the police the next time this happens so I am not involved? Should I confront Pete about his drinking and singing? -- Worst Lullabies, Denver

DEAR WORST LULLABIES: Before involving the police, see if you can have a private conversation with Pete when he is not inebriated. Ask him how he is doing and what he has been working on. See if you can find out some of Pete's interests that you may be able to encourage him to pursue. Ease into the challenging part of the conversation. Tell him that you have something sensitive you want to discuss with him. Ask for his permission to let him know. Then go for it. Tell him that you are having a hard time sleeping because of his nighttime singing. Explain that you know he likes to drink, especially at night, and that you have noticed that afterwards his singing gets really loud. Ask him if he would try to stop singing at a reasonable hour so that you can get some rest.

Chances are, he will be embarrassed to know that he is being observed. If you get no positive change from your conversation, that's when you contact the police about him disturbing the peace. Will he be mad if you have to call the police on him? Yes, but you deserve peace of mind, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter and I were watching a presumably G-rated program on TV when the topic of oral sex came up. It was from a comedic perspective, but still it was awkward. I asked my 11-year-old if she knew what the person was talking about, and she did not, so I proceeded to explain it to her. My best friend thought I should have left it alone, but I feel like I should empower my daughter with information if she is exposed to something. What do you think? -- In Her Face, Washington, D.C.

DEAR IN HER FACE: I think every moment can be a teaching moment. As uncomfortable information appears before your child, your duty is to provide age-appropriate insight so that she can protect herself and understand how to make wise choices. You did fine.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)