DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in strange situation with my next-door neighbor, Pete. Pete was injured on the job and has been living unemployed with his father next door for years. He is in his late 40s or early 50s. For lack of anything better to do, he spends a lot of his time drinking. Pete has even converted part of their kitchen into a bar! I do not mind Pete's drinking; what I do mind is his drunk singing. He gets inebriated and sings love ballads to squirrels and birds outside. Pete has a love for animals, but I cannot appreciate the bellowing at 2 a.m. when I am trying to sleep. This has been going on for a year now, off and on. It is so frustrating to me. I know he is allowed to do whatever he wants on his property, but this is crazy. We have a friendly relationship, and originally the situation was comical, but Pete is testing my limits with his ballads. Should I call the police the next time this happens so I am not involved? Should I confront Pete about his drinking and singing? -- Worst Lullabies, Denver

DEAR WORST LULLABIES: Before involving the police, see if you can have a private conversation with Pete when he is not inebriated. Ask him how he is doing and what he has been working on. See if you can find out some of Pete's interests that you may be able to encourage him to pursue. Ease into the challenging part of the conversation. Tell him that you have something sensitive you want to discuss with him. Ask for his permission to let him know. Then go for it. Tell him that you are having a hard time sleeping because of his nighttime singing. Explain that you know he likes to drink, especially at night, and that you have noticed that afterwards his singing gets really loud. Ask him if he would try to stop singing at a reasonable hour so that you can get some rest.

Chances are, he will be embarrassed to know that he is being observed. If you get no positive change from your conversation, that's when you contact the police about him disturbing the peace. Will he be mad if you have to call the police on him? Yes, but you deserve peace of mind, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter and I were watching a presumably G-rated program on TV when the topic of oral sex came up. It was from a comedic perspective, but still it was awkward. I asked my 11-year-old if she knew what the person was talking about, and she did not, so I proceeded to explain it to her. My best friend thought I should have left it alone, but I feel like I should empower my daughter with information if she is exposed to something. What do you think? -- In Her Face, Washington, D.C.

DEAR IN HER FACE: I think every moment can be a teaching moment. As uncomfortable information appears before your child, your duty is to provide age-appropriate insight so that she can protect herself and understand how to make wise choices. You did fine.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into a former colleague who had been in a huge position the last time we saw each other. Now he is looking for work. When we saw each other last, he hardly had time to even talk to me. This time, he was much more attentive and friendly. I get it, but it really hurt my feelings a few years back when he basically snubbed me. We go so far back that I expected him to be more thoughtful, even though he had a big job. I don't know that I want anything from him, but I guess I want you to say something about how you think people should behave when they are building their lives, especially when they are enjoying success. -- Looking for Wisdom, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR LOOKING FOR WISDOM: I have always been told that you should treat everyone with respect, regardless of her or your station in life. This is far easier to say than to do. Sometimes it is ego that clouds a person's ability to see clearly and notice how they are treating other people. Being extraordinarily busy can also contribute to a person's inability to notice the people who have been instrumental in their lives or even to follow common courtesy with friends, colleagues or strangers.

Commonly, when people find themselves in a more humble position due to job loss, illness, aging, changing family dynamics or financial crisis, they are able to notice aspects of their own behavior differently. They also can then see who the constants are in their lives. In the best of worlds, people would notice individuals and opportunities all along the way.

For your friend, it looks like a dose of humble pie opened his eyes a bit. For you, you must decide if you can forgive him his blindness in the past and rekindle your bond, or simply remain cordial but distant. It's your choice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When you go to someone's home for the weekend, is it appropriate to strip your bed and wash your sheets before you leave? I grew up in a large family, and our protocol was for everyone to carry their own weight, so to speak. It was considered the height of bad manners to leave dirty sheets on the bed. I just went to a wealthy friend's house in the Hamptons, and when I removed the bed sheets and asked where to wash them, my host looked at me aghast. Clearly I had broken some unwritten rule. What did I do wrong, and how can I fix it? -- Pitching In, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR PITCHING IN: Every household has different rules. Yours required all hands to be involved in caring for the home. In your friend's house, it is likely that they have housekeeping staff who handle all such matters. To clear any discomfort that may have come from you not knowing the way their household works, you could simply tell them that you were just pitching in. That's the way you grew up, and you wanted to be helpful as you showed your gratitude. Don't make a bigger deal of it than that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I stayed with my extended family for a month this summer. Not wanting to seem like a freeloader, I gave them money that would have covered a room and the bits of food that I ate. Something that bothered me during my stay was realizing how sexist my uncle is. We come from different countries, and he married into the family. As I was reading a book in the family room, he came in and threw me his shirt to iron! I automatically assumed he was kidding, and jokingly responded by apologizing for the accident that left him unable to use his hands. My uncle was offended, took the shirt and said that he'd go find his wife to do it. I feel bad for being rude to my uncle in his home, but I was not freeloading off of him and did not think being a woman turned me into his maid. How should I respond if a sexist situation comes up again? -- Not the Maid, Dallas

DEAR NOT THE MAID: When you are staying in someone's house, it can be very difficult to manage clashing values. You did the right thing by giving money to contribute to the family's operating budget. Staying for a month is a long time -- even when you are family. It is important for someone who steps into that situation to do his or her best to fit in, so to speak, with the culture of the household.

That does not mean you have to endure sexist behavior and succumb to it. Your uncle probably considered making a joke as rude as his behavior was to you. What you could have done is to say you don't know how to iron and wouldn't want to burn his shirt. Same effect. You still don't iron the shirt, but you don't insult him either.

Whenever you stay in someone else's home, it is smart to find out what the house rules and expectations are so that you know where you stand. You should ask to be clear. As it relates to sexist behavior, sometimes humor works -- as you tried. Other times, quietly standing your ground can work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every week at church, one of our church members brings me a little present. It might be a handkerchief that she had when she was a young woman or a newspaper clipping that she thought I would like. I have always thanked her for these treats, but I don't know if I should be doing something more. How can I show her my gratitude? She is an elder in the church with no family. -- Showing Appreciation, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR SHOWING APPRECIATION: If you are up for it, talk to this church elder and find out if she would like to have tea sometime. Or ask her if you can help her in any way. I used to help my great-aunt write out her holiday cards. There are many tasks that elders can potentially use help completing. Offer!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)