DEAR HARRIETTE: I sent my first son off to college this year. Now, a couple of weeks in, he is calling me extremely upset and ready to come home. Since this is my first time sending off a child, I was told to expect the initial homesickness that is supposed to last until Thanksgiving. I want him to be happy, and my son says the only way he can be happy is if he comes home. My husband believes our son should tough it out for now, and he'll learn to love college. We gave our son a car as a going-away present so he wouldn't feel stuck in his surroundings, yet he still feels stuck and upset. What should we do? My son claims this is not typical homesickness, and I am not sure what to believe. -- College Crossroads, Syracuse, New York

DEAR COLLEGE CROSSROADS: Trust that your son is in distress. It is a big deal to go away to college. While your husband has a point about having him tough it out, I actually think you should check in on him. You haven't said how far away he is from you, but I suggest that you go to him to see him for yourself and talk to him in person. Or invite him to come home for the weekend so that you can spend some time together.

Who knows if something happened that traumatized him? Being face to face may help him to open up to you so that you can get a better gauge of how to support him. Even if what he needs most is simply a hug, be generous with that offering. His knowing that you unconditionally support him may help him to navigate this challenging period. Becoming independent is no small accomplishment. For many, it takes quite some time to achieve.

DEAR HARRIETTE: School has started again for my twins. Luckily, they go to the same school, but they're not in the same class. This year, the more aggressive of the two has already started picking fights with a couple of his classmates. This is not the first time we have had to deal with his aggressive nature, but we have yet to figure out how to support him to make better choices. We really want this year to be a good one. How can we help him? -- Bad Twin, Boston

DEAR BAD TWIN: Often, when children are extremely aggressive, they are longing for attention. As parents, you can step back and notice how you respond to this child. Does he get the most attention from you and others when he is being "bad"? If so, shift the times that you focus your lens on him.

It is also sometimes true that children have chemical imbalances that trigger extreme behavior. Your child should have a complete physical during which you let the doctor know his behavior and your concerns. Additionally, work with the school officials, including the teacher and guidance counselor, so that your son has proper support as he acclimates. If this does not work, you may consider moving him into a different school. Being completely separate from his twin may give him the space to establish himself singularly.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into my old boss this summer, and it was pleasant on the surface, but I have to admit that I still hold a grudge against her. I felt like I was not treated well during my last days on the job. I felt like I was being taken advantage of, and, ultimately, she fired me because I called her on it. I have moved on, as this was many years ago. But I do not trust her. So when we saw each other, we were pleasant to each other, but the memories came flooding in. There were other former co-workers at this gathering, and they were all going down memory lane talking about the "good old days," and it was hard for me to participate in the conversation because that's not how I remember it. I mainly stayed quiet. I didn't see any good in reminiscing about what I would call the bad times. How can I let go of the bad feelings? I think that's the only way I can fully move on. -- Stuck in the Past, Cincinnati

DEAR STUCK IN THE PAST: Forgiveness is one of the most powerful practices and also one of the most difficult. Whatever happened between you and your old boss is in the past. Clearly, she hurt you. There's a chance you had some role in this as well. Rather than continuing to rehash and hold onto the dregs of the past, stay in the moment. Remind yourself of what is good about your life. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself and your boss for whatever occurred before so that you can be in the moment and reap whatever benefits await you. You deserve that freedom.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a very small town where everybody knows each other. I am single, and over the years I have had a few different boyfriends, not in close succession. It's just that I have been single for so long that naturally there have been a few guys. So now I feel like since everybody knows everybody, there's nobody left for me to date in my town who doesn't know everyone else. I wonder if I should move. I really want to have a good relationship and even get married, but so far, this hasn't worked out. What should I do? -- Small-Town Love, St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands

DEAR SMALL-TOWN LOVE: Yes, it can be tough to date over time in a small town. Your neighbors, family members and friends will have their opinions about you and your life, and too often they will voice their feelings. Before you decide to move, you may want to review the landscape of your town to assess if there is anybody you could be seriously interested in. If so, check him out before giving up.

If he isn't a match, consider scheduling vacations in other areas. You can visit cities when an activity that interests you is going on. Put yourself out there to meet new people. If you meet someone you like, take it very slowly. Broadening your horizons may be your ticket to happiness in love. It may require a move, but possibly only a move after you meet someone in a new port of call.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a female high school student, and I am stuck in a love triangle. There are two boys in my school who I really like. I met one boy in high school, and the other boy went to the same middle school as me. I have different reasons for liking each of them, but I do not know what to do. Please help. -- Helpless in Love, Rochester, New York

DEAR HELPLESS IN LOVE: Dating is one of the most difficult experiences that many people have, even as it can also be the most fun. In the beginning of meeting and getting to know someone you like, there is no rule that says you have to be exclusive with one person. You should feel comfortable going out with each boy and getting to know him, as you take it very slowly. Do not cross any lines of intimacy with either boy. Definitely do not lie about your actions.

At some point, you will have to decide who you like more and if you want to be either boy's girlfriend. When that day comes, you will need to tell the unchosen boy that you like him but that you have opted to be someone else's girlfriend. This is important because people often botch endings. When they think something is over, they often just walk away without regard for the other person's feelings. Don't do that. Be mindful of the fact that both boys like you, and you have liked them. Express your gratitude for the time you enjoyed together as you step away and choose the other. In this way, everyone can keep his dignity as you live your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son no longer enjoys spending time with the family. At meals, where we used to enjoy each other, he mostly wants to gobble down his food and be excused from the table as soon as possible. He finds my wife and me boring and does not want to engage us much. I don't want to lose him during this critical time in his growth and development. He is smart and a great student. This is the time when he is exploring social relationships, and I think he needs his father and mother to help guide him. How can I get him back so that he continues to trust and listen to me? -- Worried Dad, Denver

DEAR WORRIED DAD: Don't give up on your son. Instead, figure out what interests him. Rather than trying to force him to do what you like, pay attention to him so that you can discover his interests. Then invite him to do that activity with you. Without being too probing, get him to talk to you. Tell him stories about your adolescence, about school, about girls, about whatever you think might offer some guidance. Storytelling is often an effective way of sharing information because it doesn't require the listener to think about himself directly. Somehow it makes it easier for messages to sink in. Good luck!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)