DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a female high school student, and I am stuck in a love triangle. There are two boys in my school who I really like. I met one boy in high school, and the other boy went to the same middle school as me. I have different reasons for liking each of them, but I do not know what to do. Please help. -- Helpless in Love, Rochester, New York

DEAR HELPLESS IN LOVE: Dating is one of the most difficult experiences that many people have, even as it can also be the most fun. In the beginning of meeting and getting to know someone you like, there is no rule that says you have to be exclusive with one person. You should feel comfortable going out with each boy and getting to know him, as you take it very slowly. Do not cross any lines of intimacy with either boy. Definitely do not lie about your actions.

At some point, you will have to decide who you like more and if you want to be either boy's girlfriend. When that day comes, you will need to tell the unchosen boy that you like him but that you have opted to be someone else's girlfriend. This is important because people often botch endings. When they think something is over, they often just walk away without regard for the other person's feelings. Don't do that. Be mindful of the fact that both boys like you, and you have liked them. Express your gratitude for the time you enjoyed together as you step away and choose the other. In this way, everyone can keep his dignity as you live your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son no longer enjoys spending time with the family. At meals, where we used to enjoy each other, he mostly wants to gobble down his food and be excused from the table as soon as possible. He finds my wife and me boring and does not want to engage us much. I don't want to lose him during this critical time in his growth and development. He is smart and a great student. This is the time when he is exploring social relationships, and I think he needs his father and mother to help guide him. How can I get him back so that he continues to trust and listen to me? -- Worried Dad, Denver

DEAR WORRIED DAD: Don't give up on your son. Instead, figure out what interests him. Rather than trying to force him to do what you like, pay attention to him so that you can discover his interests. Then invite him to do that activity with you. Without being too probing, get him to talk to you. Tell him stories about your adolescence, about school, about girls, about whatever you think might offer some guidance. Storytelling is often an effective way of sharing information because it doesn't require the listener to think about himself directly. Somehow it makes it easier for messages to sink in. Good luck!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married to my husband for 40 years, and I have this huge problem with his facial hair. He has not shaved in about 18 years, and he has a huge beard. I would beg him for years to shave it. He would laugh and tell me to deal with it. His facial hair is disgusting; food gets in it, and he doesn't bother to clean it out. My husband and I have not been intimate in years. I find him gross because of his beard and his overall lack of cleanliness. He doesn't seem to care at all. How can I get my husband to shave his beard? -- Miss the Man I Married, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR MISS THE MAN I MARRIED: The chances that your husband will shave his beard after 18 years are slim, don't you think? That said, the promise of sexual intimacy is often enough to turn a man's thinking around. Why not start a shift in your relationship? Rather than the threat of chopping off the beard, offer to groom it for him. Invite him to shower with you, and during that shower, take the lead and bathe and groom him. Or offer to give him a head and beard massage in your sink, the way we used to wash our children's hair. The point is that if you show him that practicing basic hygiene will help the two of you to get closer, he may open his eyes to the concept.

You, in turn, will need to get your mind right on what you are willing to do to encourage the seismic change that you want. Trust that it needs to include intimacy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the past two years, I have had five jobs across the United States. Every time I take a job, I say to myself: This is the dream job, and this is where I want to live. However, after the third month of employment, I get bored, and I start to make plans to find another place of employment. This is getting tiresome because I am 45 years old, and I would like to settle down and eventually start a family. How can I find some solace in settling down? Can you offer any advice? -- Drifting Memory, Baton Rouge, Louisiana

DEAR DRIFTING MEMORY: Let this be your wake-up call. For whatever reason, you have been running away from responsibility for a long time. Stop for a moment and write out a list of your choices in recent years. Make another list of your desires for the future. Compare your lists to see how you can make them compatible. To "settle down" and start a family requires a level of consistent responsibility in order for you to be successful. Perhaps your "dream job" needs to look different. Consider what your dream really is. Allow your answer to guide your steps. If your dream truly is to share and build a life with someone, look for a job that can support that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter made a new friend at camp this summer, and they hung out a lot. I think it may have been too much, though, because now, several weeks after leaving camp, the new friend is MIA. These two hung out so much -- almost every day after camp. They had several sleepovers and really seemed to hit it off. After their last sleepover, it seems like something happened, although I can't figure it out from my daughter. Both girls are 9 years old, by the way. Now, whenever I call to coordinate time for them to spend together, the mom comes up with a reason that it won't work. I asked my daughter about it, and she didn't have a clue. I know that my daughter can be intense. Given how much time they spent together, there is a chance she may have been too pushy in trying to make friends. In any case, what do I do now to manage my daughter's feelings? She is sad that this new friend seems to have cut her off entirely. Should I ask the girl's mom if something happened, or just let it be? -- Broken Friendship, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR BROKEN FRIENDSHIP: You may want to contact the girl's mother and ask her directly if something happened that you don't know about. Since you know your daughter's behavior, bring it up. Ask if your daughter was too pushy or if something else occurred to turn her daughter off. Perhaps the mother will tell you -- if she even knows.

If you don't get a response but the schism continues, help your daughter focus on other friendships and on her schoolwork. Sometimes relationships end awkwardly. All you can do is your best to help make this one end with clarity. But it takes both sides to figure that out. What you can manage for sure is preventing your daughter from begging this girl to pay attention to her again. Help your daughter to move on if that's what the moment requires.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a city girl, and I have recently been dating a man who grew up on a farm. I know -- classic! We met through mutual friends, and it seems like we hit it off. My worry is that I know absolutely nothing about farm life. He talks longingly about going home to visit his family and spend time with the animals. It all sounds romantic coming from him, but I don't have a clue as to how to manage in a situation like that. And I don't even know if I want to get my hands dirty like that anyway. I don't want to be the awkward city girl who gets continually embarrassed by all that I don't know if I decide to go with him to visit his family. How can I avoid that? -- City Vs. Country, San Francisco

DEAR CITY VS. COUNTRY: Don't make a decision about the future of your relationship without seeing for yourself what his home life is like. Talk to him about your concerns about not fitting in and about being awkward. Ask him to help you to be more comfortable in his world. Go for a visit before you make a final decision. What you enjoy about each other is worth at least that much effort.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)