life

Student Wants to Continue Education

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 14th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in the final semester of my undergraduate program, and the semester will end in December. However, I do not officially graduate until June 2016, and the financial aid department has informed me that I have extra money left over for the spring 2016 semester. Since I am not graduating until 2016, I was thinking I should take some classes in the spring just to sharpen my skills in preparation for graduate school. What are your thoughts? -- A Student for Life, Bronx, New York

DEAR STUDENT FOR LIFE: First of all, congratulations on your imminent graduation. It takes a lot of focus and commitment to reach this stage in your life, and you should be proud. You have just been given a gift. To be able to take more classes without having to pay for them is a huge bonus that many students would be thrilled to experience. By all means, go for it. Be wise in choosing the class or classes that you take. Since you already know that you intend to go to graduate school, select classes that can help to ease the transition into your field of interest. If you are unsure, speak to a guidance counselor about the general curriculum for your area of choice. Staying in the thick of education is wise, especially since your plan is to continue for the next couple of years.

MoneyWork & School
life

Son Embarrassed By Friends' Paltry Tip

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 14th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son invited a group of his friends to celebrate his birthday. They went out to a nice place to eat, and when it came time to pay the bill, his friends paid the bill but they gave the waiter a poor tip. My son was embarrassed by his friends, and he went into his pocket to give the waiter a respectable tip. How can my son make sure this never happens again? -- Please Leave a Tip, Chicago

DEAR PLEASE LEAVE A TIP: Your son did the right thing by supplementing the waiter's tip. What was especially smart is that he was paying attention to the amount of the bill and what would be appropriate to offer. I do not think that he needs to reprimand his friends or make them feel uncomfortable. Since he invited his friends to dine with him, there should have been no expectation that they would pay in the first place. Unless he set that up from the start, the expectation could have been that your son would pay the bill or that all would split the check evenly.

Rather than feeling embarrassed at the point that the tip was too small, your son could have publicly stepped up and said, "Hey, guys, I'm going to take care of the tip. I think our waiter did an excellent job, and I want to reward him accordingly." Feeling like he had to sneak behind his friends to pay the bill made him feel bad and left them without an education. Being open about it could school them without reprimand.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Book Lover Seeks Book-Loving Friends

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 12th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I like to read, and I rarely watch TV. This may be no surprise to you, but I have learned that I am not like most people. As I talk to my friends at work or in the neighborhood, mostly they talk about popular TV shows. Rarely if ever do they talk about a book they've read. That's fine. I'm not judging them. However, I am feeling isolated. I would love to meet some people who enjoy reading like I do. I don't even have a TV anymore because I realized I wasn't watching it. I have to believe that there are a few people left out there who are like me. I want to connect with some of these folks. How do I do that? -- Off Screens, Washington, D.C.

DEAR OFF SCREENS: Do not be dismayed. There are plenty of people who make the choice to read a book rather than watch TV. What you may want to do is look for book clubs that gather to discuss the types of books that you like. You can look them up online or ask your local library. Go to literary events where authors come to talk about their work and sign books. Generally, readers show up at these events, and you will likely meet like-minded people from your community there. Frequent the few bookstores that remain as brick-and-mortar buildings. Throughout the year, bookstores work hard to attract customers, often with incentives that draw in avid readers.

As far as your friends are concerned, do your best not to pass judgment on them because they make different choices than you do. Accept them for who they are, as you want them to accept you. By expanding your friend group, you will be able to enjoy your preferences more and naturally feel less pressure for your other friends to conform.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 12, 2015

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 12th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am trying very hard to teach my children to pick up after themselves and be responsible. This is not a new lesson, but as my son approaches puberty, I find that everything that he learned seems to have gone out the window. I ask him to pick up his clothes off the floor, but he grumbles and doesn't do it. It usually takes four or five times to get him to pay attention. I don't want to fuss with him all the time, but I haven't figured out how to get him to do the basics that have always been his responsibilities. Do I punish him daily? How can I get him to step up? -- Consequences, St. Louis

DEAR CONSEQUENCES: Why not have a refresher meeting with your son? Pick a time of day on the weekend when you can get his full attention. Tell him you want to talk to him about the future. Ask him what he's thinking about these days. Don't push too much, but do your best to get him to talk.

Then tell him that as he is growing up, it is really important that he learn how to be responsible at home, at school, in his friendships -- pretty much everywhere. Ask him to agree to be more mindful of his belongings and his home duties. Assure him that his actions reflect his values and point to his integrity or lack thereof. Encourage him to step up for himself and his family. When he forgets, remind him of his integrity.

life

To Avoid Another Tragedy, We Must Be Our Brothers' Keeper

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 11th, 2015

DEAR READERS: On this day of national pause, I wonder about generations past when the great tragedies made us reflect on who we are and what we value. Historically, there have always been wars. There have always been people who felt someone wronged them, and as a result, they retaliated. A constant contemplation for me that becomes amplified when we remember the horrors of 9/11 is far more personal than what those sinister people did to ravage our country.

My contemplation is about what we are doing and what we can do to live our national and familial values. Why do I go personal at a time when people are recalling the unimaginable atrocities that befell our nation? Because this is where we individually have control. Given the constant news stories about American citizens who are making choices to hurt each other, I feel certain that on a local, family and even individual level, we can refresh our choices so that they can better serve us and the people around us.

I listened to a sermon recently given by The Rev. Dr. Calvin O. Butts, from New York City's Abyssinian Baptist Church. He was talking about the notion of being our brother's keeper -- and what that really means. It was a powerful sermon that put forth the idea that it is indeed the responsibility of each of us to take care of one another. And yet, in the hustle and bustle of our lives, too often we forget our loved ones. He spoke about the fratricide that is ravaging our communities on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. He reminded us that some people literally do not remember to check in on their siblings, their parents, their children. He cautioned us that it is our duty to be conscious about our actions and to choose to take actions that will uplift those in our midst in every way that we can.

This notion of being our brother's keeper resonated with me and bubbled forth as I began thinking once again about 9/11. I remember that day, as do all of you. It started as a seemingly perfect day: blue skies, warm temperature. And then the world changed. Yet every day throughout our nation, violations of our humanity occur. And these violations cannot always be pinned on foreigners who hate us, because they are also occurring among us and caused by us. How can we change this? How can we choose to care for those in our immediate families, in our neighborhoods and communities, on our jobs, in our legislatures, all around us? What will it take for us to begin to regularly and consciously make choices that can make it possible for all of us to prosper?

I do not think that these questions are lofty. I actually believe that there is enough abundance on this great Earth that all of us can be comfortable and live to our fullest. To do so, however, I believe we have to make choices that give us space to see that there is enough room for everyone, and that we do not have to push each other out of the way. I do not want another tragedy like 9/11 or the murders in Chicago or Ferguson or Baltimore or anywhere else. We have had enough bloodshed. Let's choose a more peaceful route to fulfilling our lives.

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