DEAR HARRIETTE: I am planning to take a trip at the end of the year to visit a friend I met when I was in college. It has been about three years since we have seen each other, because she lives in Asia. But we have kept in touch and agreed that we would get together at this exact time. I have been saving my money and talking to her, and I'm very excited about taking this international trip and visiting her. We were good friends in school, and we have remained friends ever since even though she lives far away. When I tell my friends about my plans, they think I am crazy. They pester me about hanging out with them instead and going to the beach this summer or doing other things that I can't afford if I am going to be able to make this trip. They also talk about me like I'm crazy for spending so much money to go see somebody who is not my girlfriend. I feel perfectly happy about my decision. She and I are friends, and I am excited to have a new experience and strengthen a great friendship. Do you think I am being naive? -- Headed East, Detroit

DEAR HEADED EAST: You sound like you have a level head even as you are looking to expand your horizons. Because your choices are different from your friends', you are experiencing a lot of friction from them. Ignore that. Stick to your plan. Keep saving. Make sure that you stay in close touch with your friend in Asia. Find out about local customs and any expectations there may be of you when you arrive. Ask her how much money you will need in order to be comfortable during your stay. Be honest with her about the resources that you do have. This will help you to be fully prepared. Congratulate yourself on making a decision for your own life even if it goes against the grain of your other friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was offered a job in Southern California, and it sounds like a dream job, but I am very worried about taking it. For one, I am an East Coast girl, and I have all my roots here. I don't know anybody out there, and I am also worried about the weather. Los Angeles has earthquakes and droughts -- and now flooding. It's crazy. I'm not sure how to find my bearings in a place that seems so big and so volatile. What should I do? -- On the Fence, Baltimore

DEAR ON THE FENCE: Considering a cross-country move can be daunting for anyone. Before you give up on this opportunity, do your research. Yes, the West Coast of our country experiences specific weather challenges, including earthquakes, drought and occasional flash flooding, as well as the aftermath of each of those. What about where you live? The East Coast experiences hurricanes and extreme heat and humidity, as well as tough winters. No part of our country is devoid of weather issues. You can weigh the odds based on your comfort level -- and talk to other people who live there.

Going someplace where you are alone requires you to get out there and explore so you can meet people. You can do it -- if you want to. Take a trip out West to check it out before you close the door.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a guy for about three months now. He seems to have his sights set on building a good life for himself. He is frugal and kind. He seems to have a really good attitude about moving forward in his life, and I like that about him. I just learned that he has a mouth full of dentures. It turns out he wasn't always so responsible, and he let his teeth rot, or so it seems. This man is in his early 40s and doesn't have any of his real teeth. Learning this really bothers me. To be fair, he has told me that he is reinventing himself, and it looks like he is on a good path, but how could he have been that irresponsible? And what else don't I know? I don't mean to be judgmental, but I feel like this is a sign of other things that might be way off. How do I find out? -- Beyond the Smile, Dallas

DEAR BEYOND THE SMILE: You have described someone who seems to be focused on making a good life for himself. You have dated him for a short time, so there is no way that you could already have all of the information about who he is. Relax and take your time. Choose to discover more about him. Ask him about his dating history, his work history and what he has done in his life over his adult years. Address the elephant in the room: Ask him what happened that he lost all of his teeth. Sometimes people lose teeth due to neglect. Other times it is because of gum disease or other illness. Don't be shy. Ask so that you can understand his health history and life choices.

As you talk to him, think about your own life. What has occurred that you are not so proud of? What choices do you wish you had made differently? Seek balance in your view of him by taking a sober look at your own life and sharing that with him during these talks.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has a summer house on Long Island, and we enjoy spending time there with friends. We are traveling for about a month, and we have invited close friends to spend a weekend at our house while we are away. We gave them the stipulation that they should not invite guests over, though. Last year, we made the same offer to other friends, who then had a party at our house. We didn't like that. Do you think it's selfish of us to allow friends to enjoy our house with the caveat of not having guests? -- Guest Rules, Easthampton, New York

DEAR GUEST RULES: You have every right to decide who can enjoy your house -- including when you are not there. At the same time, in a resort community it is common for people to go from house to house visiting friends. That is different from having a party, though. Decide if you want no guests to visit at all or if you are banning parties. Whatever you decide is fine. Just know that not allowing anyone to stop by could be more of a challenge for people who are hanging out on the island.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am Jewish and have known that there are anti-Semitic country clubs in the nation. I live in Long Island and am surrounded by plenty of accepting country clubs. I have recently found out one of my friends belongs to a club that, although not explicitly stated, has no Jewish members due to a history of anti-Semitism. No one in her family is Jewish, and I doubt she knows how widespread the discrimination can be. I find offense with their choice of country club. Is it inappropriate for me to suggest she change clubs? Should I assume she is anti-Semitic? -- Anti-Friend, Commack, New York

DEAR ANTI-FRIEND: I will start by saying you shouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions. You are already judging your friend because of this affiliation, and it may not be valid. She may not be aware of the history of her country club. Unless you know that it currently practices anti-Semitism, you should tread lightly. That doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to her about it. But don't come with hearsay. What have you concretely learned about this club's history and its current status? You can share with her what you know and how you learned it. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you.

I do not think you should immediately ask her to change clubs. You can open her eyes to your discomfort about the club's history and that she is part of its community.

I remember as a young woman complaining to my mother about certain stores that she frequented in our hometown of Baltimore. One that she liked a lot had been rude to her when I was a child, and I remembered the racist incident. When I asked my mother why she continued to patronize that store, she told me that if she were to boycott all of the stores that had been discriminatory against African-Americans in the past, she would have virtually nowhere to shop. So, she chose to forgive those that had changed their ways.

Obviously, it is unwise for your friend to patronize a club that continues to discriminate. I say find out if that is actually true, though, before you press her to rescind her membership.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am invited to spend the weekend at a friend's summer house in Massachusetts. I have never done this before, so I'm not sure what to bring. Should I bring food and linens? Do I offer her money to contribute to the cost of the weekend? I'm stumped. -- Moving Up, Philadelphia

DEAR MOVING UP: Start by asking your friend what you should bring with you. Chances are, you won't need sheets. You may need a bathing suit, casual clothing for the daytime and cocktail wear for the evening. It is smart for a man to bring a jacket in case you go to a restaurant or club that requires it. Ask about the activities you may be participating in so that you are ready for them in terms of wardrobe. You can bring a bottle of wine as a host gift. And, as things are purchased, you can offer to contribute.