DEAR HARRIETTE: I got so mad at a colleague recently. I was not nice to her when she reached out to me to follow up on the status of an overdue project. There had just been too many times when she dropped the ball, and I didn't feel like hearing what she had to say. In retrospect, I do not feel good about my behavior. Just because she is lax on the job doesn't give me permission to be rude or dismissive to her. Even though she could "deserve" the cold shoulder, I don't want to continue like that with her. I really want to apologize. How can I let her know I'm sorry for how I treated her without her taking it as if her behavior or poor follow-through at work is OK? -- Do the Right Thing, Detroit

DEAR DO THE RIGHT THING: Congratulate yourself on being sensitive to this situation. Yes, people can push your buttons when conditions are stressful. Having a co-worker with poor job performance over a period of time is one of those stressors. You are smart to want to make amends because of your behavior. As the saying goes, "Two wrongs don't make a right."

Ask your colleague if you two can chat. Apologize to her for being short or terse with her. Tell her you know that your behavior was not kind. Admit that you have been extremely frustrated because she has not been performing her job effectively, and the stress of how her poor job performance affects you took you over the edge. Ask her to forgive you for being rude. Probe to find out what the underlying reasons are for her not completing her tasks on time. If you can figure that out, you may be able to help guide her toward better job performance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an argument with my brother-in-law a few years ago because he was disappointed that I had not gotten my life together. While I do have a family, we don't own our home, and we have very little savings. I work for myself, and it scares me to think what will happen when it comes time to retire. Even though we had this chat a few years ago, I have not been able to do much to change things. I really am nervous now that I won't be able to retire ever, let alone when I'm 65, which is in 10 years. What can I do? -- Looking to the Future, Dallas

DEAR LOOKING TO THE FUTURE: The good news is that you are taking an honest look at your life right now. Figure out exactly how much money you have and exactly how much debt you have. Write it all down. Then contact a financial adviser who can help you assess how you can save for the future. You may not be able to create a 10-year plan that allows you to stop working, but work together to figure out what you can do to get yourself to a retirement goal.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a business partner who is driving me crazy. On one hand, she is strong in areas where I am not so strong. But the part that is killing me is that every time we have a conversation, I have to listen to her screaming on the phone. Everything seems like an argument with her, and I do not like to argue -- at all. I have told her that I need her to tone it down a few notches. I have even asked her to stop fussing all the time and try to frame the conversation in a positive way. I feel like I am talking to the wall. What else can I do? I value our working relationship, but I cannot stand this aspect of it. -- Bad Work Marriage, Seattle

DEAR BAD WORK MARRIAGE: Schedule a face-to-face meeting with your business partner, and tell her that you need to talk about the way you two interact. Remind her of what you appreciate about your business relationship, and point out that there are some problems. Be specific when you tell her the things that she does or says, and how her behavior makes you feel. If, for instance, you get anxious when she raises her voice, point that out. If you simply hate arguing and prefer to interact in a calm voice, ask her to make the effort to talk to you when she can be calm and to avoid confronting you when she is heated. Find out what gets under her skin about you as well. Having a healthy conversation about communication styles and preferences may help the two of you to find a happy meeting ground from which you can both prosper.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a senior friend who is single and extremely private. She mentioned to me that she is going to have hip replacement surgery soon. Immediately, I offered to help in whatever way I could. She retreated almost as quickly, saying she would be fine and didn't need any help. I'm torn. I know other people who have had this surgery, and in the beginning, you really do need help. I don't think it's possible to get around without some outside support. I don't care if my friend chooses me to help her, but I know she will need somebody. How can our friend group support her if she refuses our help? -- Lending a Hand, Salt Lake City

DEAR LENDING A HAND: You cannot force yourself or your friends on this woman. At the same time, you can attempt to get key information from her. That would include where she is having the surgery and on what date, her expected date to return home and if she has lined up any support. You can ask these questions.

Then, you and your friends can decide that you will call her at least once a day and stop by with prepared food on the off chance that she will accept it. If you keep showing up, she will likely let you know if she is in serious need.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A couple of years back, a guy named Josh and I had a fling. We have since become platonic friends, and we even vacation in the same large group. His girlfriend is very bubbly, and it is nice to see them happy together. Recently, 20 of us were all away together, and Josh's mother made an appearance. I found myself having an excellent conversation with her and enjoyed meeting her. Josh's girlfriend, however, may have made a gaffe by ignoring the mother. Later, one of the people on the trip overheard Josh's mother talking to him. She said Josh's girlfriend is rude and that she likes me more. The mother does not know about our past dalliance. I have a boyfriend, only see Josh as a friend and do not want to make an enemy out of his girlfriend. The group gossip told me, so I know I am not the only one who knows about the mother-son conversation. Do I ignore the situation? -- Keeping It in the Past, Dallas

DEAR KEEPING IT IN THE PAST: If you and Josh speak regularly, you could contact him to give him the heads-up. Tell him how nice you think his girlfriend is and recommend that he encourage her to get to know his mom. Because you spoke at length with her and the girlfriend did not, the mom naturally is reminded of you and interested in you. You can immediately deflect that back to his current relationship. Remind Josh that you have a boyfriend and you are just looking out for him and his girlfriend.

Now, if you and Josh rarely talk, just let this die down on its own. Ultimately, the two of them need to find their way with his mother. Offer your advice only if you think it will be heard.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old son came home from camp raving about a girl he had met. The two of them have been texting up a storm. The rule is that he has to let me look at his phone whenever I want in order for him to have a cellphone. So far, their interaction seems age-appropriate. They have talked about sports, TV shows and cellphone games. I'm not sure what else to monitor. We constantly talk about appropriate conversation between boys and girls. How do I support him during these early days of "dating" without smothering him? -- Entering the Teen Years, Madison, Wisconsin

DEAR ENTERING THE TEEN YEARS: You seem to be doing a good job of monitoring your son's phone. Be sure to have regular conversations with him about camp, not just about the young lady, as that could feel awkward. Talk about his whole day. Get him animated as he describes his activities. Let him bring up the girl on occasion. You can ask as well. If she lives close, find out if he would like to invite her over to visit so that you can meet her. Supervised engagements are a great way for you to get to know someone your son likes.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)