DEAR HARRIETTE: I was hanging out with a group of friends last weekend when I heard a kind of disturbing thing. As we were going around the room telling things about ourselves, it became apparent that one of our friends is in trouble. She is so bitter. Each of us was saying how long we had been married, and when it got to her, she said the number -- which was above 15 years -- but with disdain. She then uttered under her breath that it probably wasn't going to last. That one comment blossomed into a long list of things that are wrong with her husband and her marriage. It was awkward since he was definitely within earshot. I tried to calm her down, in part by suggesting that we talk about it privately later. But now, I really don't know what to do. I'm not a therapist, and I have no idea what to say to her about her marriage. I know couples go through all kinds of stuff over the years, but I can't advise her. Should I back out of our get-together? If not, what should I say to her? -- No Advice Here, Saratoga Springs, New York

DEAR NO ADVICE HERE: If your friend follows up to get together -- which is a big "if," given that a lot of people spout off in the moment but don't want to get into the weeds when a sounder mind prevails -- you can agree to meet with her. Before the conversation gets cooking, say upfront that you are no expert. Be a good listener, but if she wants advice, suggest she go directly to a professional. Do not get caught up in her drama to the point where you attempt to turn your story into hers. It's OK if you don't have parallels. Just listen. Tell her you care about her and her husband and family, and you pray that they can find peace. If she asks you to take sides, tell her that you will not do that. You have learned that it is very important not to get in the middle of people's marriages. It is up to them to figure that out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am at a loss for how to help my niece, who is almost 30 years old and still doesn't have her life together. She never finished college. She has not been able to keep a job because she hasn't developed the discipline to get up and go to work on time if she doesn't like the work she's doing. It seems like she expects other people to pay her way in life. I can't believe it, but I look into the future and only see her as a leech. Like she could become a brilliant homeless woman. How can I help her to turn her life around? Nothing has seemed to work yet. -- Olive Branch, Dallas

DEAR OLIVE BRANCH: Sometimes you have to let go in order to give people the space to figure out where they are in their lives. Your niece needs to hit her own bottom in order to determine how to climb out of it. Tell her that you will be there for her when she starts making smart choices, but for now, you have to love her from a distance.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As my peers and I are gearing up to go into the workforce, some of my friends have begun to introduce themselves with their full names. They were previously always known by nicknames, and I have begun to question if this transition indicates that I should now refer to them more formally as well. I have a long name myself and have had nicknames my whole life. I am OK with being referred to casually by friends. Now that we are getting older, what should I call my friends? -- Name Change, Boston

DEAR NAME CHANGE: Entering the workforce is a major turning point in life. It is wise to think about every aspect of how you identify yourself and your friends. Nicknames tend to be too casual for work environments. Similarly, email addresses that feature nicknames or catchphrases are not appropriate for work environments. Take a look at your social media handles as well.

To professionalize your life, you must take a fresh look at everything that defines you to see if it remains in alignment with who you are today and who you intend to become. From there, you can take steps to refine your self-identity.

To that end, if your friends are formalizing their names, honor their decision by calling them what they now choose to call themselves. You can also ask them if they want their former names to be names of the past entirely, or if they are still OK for friend time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I have big family dinners. Between the two of us, we have six children, and many of them have boyfriends and girlfriends, so we usually have a dozen people at a dinner. One boy is 16, but the rest of the children are legal adults. With so many people, I find it hard to seat them. Is having a "kids' table" inappropriate? It is nearly impossible to find a table that seats a dozen people, but I am worried that they will find this offensive. -- Modern Family, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR MODERN FAMILY: Since the "kids" aren't young children, it will be important for you to use other language. But you can absolutely have more than one table for the meals, and they can be in separate rooms if needed. Chances are, the younger people will appreciate being slightly segregated. Their conversation topics are likely different from the adults', so it will probably be a relief not to have to sit with you. Sorry, but it's true!

At the same time, you do not have to tell people where to sit. Just have enough room for everyone, and let them pick where they want to be. Since you host these meals frequently, you may find that people rotate their seats. Older folks may want to cozy up to younger folks sometimes -- and vice versa.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few days ago, I received a letter from a law school in Colorado asking me to apply to its program. I am excited about the prospect of going to graduate school; however, I am not interested in attending law school in the West. If this offer had been given to me in my 20s, I would have jumped at the opportunity, but I am in my 40s now. I live in Connecticut, and I have various responsibilities that are not easy to forgo. I am not married, nor do I have children, but I have ties that bind. If I go to graduate school on the East Coast, I can maintain my responsibilities. Should I still apply to the school in Colorado for the practice, or should I email them to inform them that I am not going to apply to their school? -- Mile-High Education, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR MILE-HIGH EDUCATION: Before you close a door, find out what's behind it. It could be that the offer from the school in Colorado offers enough positive options that they outweigh your current lifestyle, choices and responsibilities. You will not know for sure until you do your research. You should be honest with them, meaning make it clear that it could be hard for you to uproot and move there, but you are willing to consider it thoughtfully, depending on the circumstances.

As far as local schools go, activate your research, and apply to all that seem viable so that you can find out if the opportunity is available to you in your hometown.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an introvert and do not enjoy speaking much. Sometimes I simply do not have the energy to pretend I am interested in speaking. I know this is rude, but I was wondering if there are any polite ways to turn down a conversation. -- Mum's the Word, Syracuse, New York

DEAR MUM'S THE WORD: My first inclination is to say that when you do not feel like communicating with others, you should stay home. There is an expectation that when you go into a social or business setting, you will naturally interact with others.

Given that you describe yourself as an introvert, I want you to know that I am not recommending that you become a recluse. Instead, you may want to develop your ability to engage others and lose your discomfort. One way to master that is to join an organization like Toastmasters (toastmasters.org), where many shy or soft-spoken people learn to feel comfortable and confident standing one-on-one or before crowds with ease.

Another option is to invite an extroverted friend or colleague to join you when you go to social functions. If you double-team the event, you can talk less because your "date" is happy to talk a lot. Know that you cannot be silent in these instances, but you may enjoy the buffer of your talkative friend.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)