DEAR HARRIETTE: A few days ago, I received a letter from a law school in Colorado asking me to apply to its program. I am excited about the prospect of going to graduate school; however, I am not interested in attending law school in the West. If this offer had been given to me in my 20s, I would have jumped at the opportunity, but I am in my 40s now. I live in Connecticut, and I have various responsibilities that are not easy to forgo. I am not married, nor do I have children, but I have ties that bind. If I go to graduate school on the East Coast, I can maintain my responsibilities. Should I still apply to the school in Colorado for the practice, or should I email them to inform them that I am not going to apply to their school? -- Mile-High Education, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR MILE-HIGH EDUCATION: Before you close a door, find out what's behind it. It could be that the offer from the school in Colorado offers enough positive options that they outweigh your current lifestyle, choices and responsibilities. You will not know for sure until you do your research. You should be honest with them, meaning make it clear that it could be hard for you to uproot and move there, but you are willing to consider it thoughtfully, depending on the circumstances.

As far as local schools go, activate your research, and apply to all that seem viable so that you can find out if the opportunity is available to you in your hometown.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an introvert and do not enjoy speaking much. Sometimes I simply do not have the energy to pretend I am interested in speaking. I know this is rude, but I was wondering if there are any polite ways to turn down a conversation. -- Mum's the Word, Syracuse, New York

DEAR MUM'S THE WORD: My first inclination is to say that when you do not feel like communicating with others, you should stay home. There is an expectation that when you go into a social or business setting, you will naturally interact with others.

Given that you describe yourself as an introvert, I want you to know that I am not recommending that you become a recluse. Instead, you may want to develop your ability to engage others and lose your discomfort. One way to master that is to join an organization like Toastmasters (toastmasters.org), where many shy or soft-spoken people learn to feel comfortable and confident standing one-on-one or before crowds with ease.

Another option is to invite an extroverted friend or colleague to join you when you go to social functions. If you double-team the event, you can talk less because your "date" is happy to talk a lot. Know that you cannot be silent in these instances, but you may enjoy the buffer of your talkative friend.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I decided to make peace with my former husband. I sent him a text message to see how he was doing. To my pleasant surprise, the conversation went well, and we are planning to go out to dinner in a couple of weeks. My former husband is aware that I remarried, and I made my current husband aware that I made plans to see my ex. How should I approach this dinner? We are planning to go to a restaurant frequented in times past. -- Back to the Future, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR BACK TO THE FUTURE: My question is why are you meeting with your ex-husband? Is there a reason for you to rekindle your relationship? Even more, why are you going back to a restaurant that used to be one of your haunts? This feels like playing with fire to me.

If you have business to handle together, go to a benign location that feels businesslike. If you want to make amends because of something bad that happened between you, do that in a neutral location that has no memories. If you want to establish some type of friendship, have your husband come, too.

The path you are following right now does not seem to be a wise choice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 43 years old, and I love the water -- but I do not know how to swim. I feel like I have prolonged the process long enough because the fear of drowning crippled me. I want to get past my fear and learn how to swim. Is it ridiculous for me to try to get a teacher at this stage in my life? -- Taking the Plunge, Bronx, New York

DEAR TAKING THE PLUNGE: It is never too late to learn to swim. I believe it is an essential life skill, as you never know when you may need it to save your life or someone else's. The good news for you -- and anyone else out there in this situation -- is that there are many options for learning to swim, even as an adult.

Look at your local YMCA for starters. In most cities, there is a pool there, along with affordable teachers. Similarly, you can inquire at a local community center, community college or other public or community organization that has a pool.

Yet another idea is to reach out to a senior center or similar facility. Obviously, you are not yet a senior, but you could find out if the teacher there would be willing to teach you in exchange for your offering to volunteer to help at the center. I mention this because sometimes mature people who are learning to swim can feel awkward around their peers or younger people. Your job right now is to find a place where you can feel comfortable so that you can gain this essential skill and overcome your fear. Now is a perfect time to learn to swim. Go for it!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just turned 16, and she got her driver's license. It seems like all of her friends are getting cars as gifts to go along with their new freedom to drive. My husband and I are not in a position to buy a car for our daughter, but she really wants us to. My husband told her to get a job if she wants a car. She can save up money and buy one when the time is right. I'm not sure if that's a good idea. I had a part-time job when I was 16, but she has only had baby-sitting jobs. Is that enough? I don't know. I do know that we can't buy her a car right now, nor do we think that is a precedent to set. What do you think? -- She Wants a Car, Detroit

DEAR SHE WANTS A CAR: It can be tough on children and their parents when peer pressure takes over, especially when that pressure includes doling out big bucks. I learned early on that people value things most when they have to work for them. You are perfectly in line to want your daughter to work to buy her own car. There are plenty of used cars on the market that can be much more affordable than new cars. You may want to look online with her at some of these options. This will help her define a financial goal. As far as work goes, baby-sitting can be lucrative. She may want to expand her hours and save as much of the money as she can. As her parents, you may want to match her contribution to a car or give whatever amount you can. This will help her see that you are there to support her, but that she has to put forth significant effort, too.

As far as driving right now, let her drive your car as often as is viable. That way, she will still be able to be mobile without having to rely on her friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son spent the day with one of his friends, and the plan was for them to go to an amusement park and go out to lunch with the family. Because they were planning to do things that cost money, I gave my son money, and also told the mom that he had money for the day. She seemed insulted that I would give my son money when they were hosting him for the day. Did I do the wrong thing? I would never expect someone to have to pay for him. It was generous that they did, but I would never want to be presumptuous. How should I have handled this situation? -- Who Pays, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WHO PAYS: You were right to give your son money to be able to pay his own way. It was also generous and quite normal for the other family to pay for him since he was their guest. Next time, definitely give your son the money, but don't point it out to the family. If he wants to buy something, he will have money to do so. When you host their child, treat him to whatever you are doing together.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)