DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been getting serious. I have met all of his children, and I even attended his daughter's high school plays and graduation at her boarding school in another state. My boyfriend's ex-wife is not involved in her children's lives at all, so I am invited to practically every event to root them on. Since I have been invited to so many of their life events, I decided it would be nice to invite my boyfriend to my daughter's events, like prom and graduation. I have learned she is incredibly opposed to having my boyfriend there if her father can attend. I tell her it is not fair for me to be invited and not extend the invitation back. She said it's because they do not have a mother to attend these events. I have invited my boyfriend to her graduation behind her back, and my ex-husband is bringing his new wife as well. She found out and is not happy with our decisions. What should I do? -- Modern Family Faux Pas, Syracuse, New York
DEAR MODERN FAMILY FAUX PAS: Family dynamics, especially among divorced families, can be complicated, to say the least. Your daughter may be holding on to a naive desire to keep some semblance of her family together for her milestone moments. If she has a good relationship with you and her father, she probably wants the simplicity of her family being present and together, even if it is only for a moment.
You and your ex-husband have moved on while she has not. In order to work this out, you need to talk to her and come to a meeting of the minds. It may be that you grant her the gift of her milestones without your new families -- because these are her moments. Or you work it out with her so that she is willing to welcome these other people into her life. Decide together rather than behind her back.