DEAR HARRIETTE: I cannot make my son be independent. He is 29 years old and has made his father and me pay for his college education, only to drop out months before he gets a degree. Our son was a month away from receiving his engineering degree, only to switch over to design and begin again. Three months before his graduation from that school, he decides to switch over to construction management. I want him to get a degree in something he truly loves, but I am sick of his reluctance to be independent. University is not cheap, and I want him to go on, get a job and flourish as an adult. How can I make my son mature and do something with his life without pushing him away? -- Getting Him to Grow Up, San Diego

DEAR GETTING HIM TO GROW UP: Perhaps your toughest job is before you. In order to help your son become independent, you have to cut the proverbial cord. If he hasn't figured out how to complete his education yet, your willingness to keep paying for him to figure it out is doing him no favors.

Cut off all financial support. If your son lives with you, explain that he needs to find a job and start contributing to the household expenses immediately. Tell him that if he wants to continue his education, he has to find the money on his own. Your son is almost 30. It's past time for him to step up. As long as you continue to catch him whenever he falters, he may never fully understand his responsibility.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am worried about my son. His fiancee is a body builder, and he has been sucked into this lifestyle as well. I love health and have a Ph.D. myself, but their crash dieting for competitions worries me. They do not even drink water for days at a time. I support activities for couples, but I think they go too far in this quest for physical perfection. Should I bring this up to them or hope it is a phase that will fade away? They have been doing this together for years now. -- Worried Mom, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR WORRIED MOM: A parent's role when children are adults can seem precarious. On one hand, you know that you need to give your son space to learn and grow as an adult. On the other, when you see behavior that concerns you, it is only natural that you want to step in and provide direction. In this case, it sounds like you may have waited longer than is healthy to step in and say something.

Talk to your son. If you think he will hear you better if you talk to them together, you can try that. Express your concern that they sometimes go to the extreme in their fitness regimen and that you are worried about them. Suggest that your son get a complete physical. That should at least give him -- and you -- peace of mind.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In middle school, I became friends with a girl named Alice. Alice later moved to Japan, and we became email pen pals. Alice and I would email regularly for two years and became even closer than we were when we lived in the same town. We lost touch, and, much to my surprise, a year later she came back to my hometown. When we first saw each other, neither of us made a move to acknowledge the other. Now that some time has passed since that moment, I wonder if it is too late to try to salvage our friendship. The initial awkward moment separated us, and I want to know if there's anything I can say to break the ice. -- Surprise Reunion, Dallas

DEAR SURPRISE REUNION: If you can figure out how to find your long-lost friend, by all means attempt to contact her. Call her and admit that you were so surprised to see her that you were speechless. Tell her how happy you are that she is stateside and that you would love the opportunity to get together and catch up.

You are much more grown-up than when you last were friends, so finding a friendship today will require you to see each other for who you are, acknowledge the closeness you once had, and then spend time together to see if you still share interests. If you want to find out, tell her you think the potential rekindled friendship is worth the effort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I do not sympathize with picky eaters. I am very sympathetic to food allergies, but I rarely understand a refusal to try anything new when there is no medical condition prohibiting it. Some of my friends are picky eaters, and this comes to light when we are trying to make dinner plans. I am not happy with eating and spending my money at generic restaurants and would like to explore more creative dining options. How do I bring up this idea amongst my friends? I do not want to alienate anybody, but I have found myself turning down dinner plans because I cannot handle another night at a chain chicken wing place. I know I cannot change anybody, so is not inviting some people an exclusion or selective planning? -- New Culinary Horizons, New York City

DEAR NEW CULINARY HORIZONS: You should consider starting a dining club. Just like a book club, this group can be formed as a gathering of people who want to explore new cuisines together. You will expand your horizons foodwise and friendwise. A bonus for your core group of friends is that the pressure will be off of them to have to conform to your broader palate. When you spend time with them, don't assign so much value to what you are eating. Let the focus be on being together.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in New York City every day, and I see many homeless people. Some of these people have dogs, and, being an animal lover, I want to help them have a better life. I would never tell someone to surrender their dog to a shelter, but I'm wondering if is acceptable to give them dog food. I feel sympathy for the homeless, but feel even worse for the animals that are enduring the weather without a say. Is it completely insensitive to give a homeless dog owner food for his animal? -- Doggy Bag, Yonkers, New York

DEAR DOGGY BAG: Sadly, as rich as the United States is, we remain in a divided culture where many people and their pets are homeless. There are many ways that people can and do support the homeless, from giving to shelters and other organizations that work to give these people homes to making in-person donations of money or food when they encounter people in need. Your idea to give food to a homeless animal is very kind and thoughtful. Out of respect for the owner, you should ask for permission to give the animal food before buying it. If the person asks you for money or food for him or herself, you certainly have the right to say that your contribution to the person's family today is to the animal only. Then wish the person well and move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister recently came back from college for the summer. She lives off-campus in a house with her sorority sisters, and her apartment is impeccably clean. I respect her need for organization, but our family house is simply not that meticulously organized. Dishes are occasionally left in the sink, and the floor is not swept daily. This drives her crazy, and she bashes my mother and me for being messy. She is not the head in command at our house, and does not seem to realize how rude she is. I know it is her house, too, but she needs to learn how to compromise. How do I get my sister to stop nagging my mother and me? -- Cleanup on Aisle Attitude, Cleveland

DEAR CLEANUP ON AISLE ATTITUDE: Sit down with your sister and ask her if she realizes how she is behaving toward your mother and you. Chances are she does not. She has spent the year away from home learning how to live in a different way. She has come back with her new ideas and habits and is likely unconsciously attempting to impose them on you. She probably believes that what she is doing is helpful. Explain that her behavior is disruptive and disrespectful to your mother and you. Ask her to back off with her insistence about how to keep your mother's home. Tell her that if she really cannot stand the "mess," she can clean up whatever she wants, but she should do so silently, as a support rather than a punishment.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)