DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in New York City every day, and I see many homeless people. Some of these people have dogs, and, being an animal lover, I want to help them have a better life. I would never tell someone to surrender their dog to a shelter, but I'm wondering if is acceptable to give them dog food. I feel sympathy for the homeless, but feel even worse for the animals that are enduring the weather without a say. Is it completely insensitive to give a homeless dog owner food for his animal? -- Doggy Bag, Yonkers, New York

DEAR DOGGY BAG: Sadly, as rich as the United States is, we remain in a divided culture where many people and their pets are homeless. There are many ways that people can and do support the homeless, from giving to shelters and other organizations that work to give these people homes to making in-person donations of money or food when they encounter people in need. Your idea to give food to a homeless animal is very kind and thoughtful. Out of respect for the owner, you should ask for permission to give the animal food before buying it. If the person asks you for money or food for him or herself, you certainly have the right to say that your contribution to the person's family today is to the animal only. Then wish the person well and move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister recently came back from college for the summer. She lives off-campus in a house with her sorority sisters, and her apartment is impeccably clean. I respect her need for organization, but our family house is simply not that meticulously organized. Dishes are occasionally left in the sink, and the floor is not swept daily. This drives her crazy, and she bashes my mother and me for being messy. She is not the head in command at our house, and does not seem to realize how rude she is. I know it is her house, too, but she needs to learn how to compromise. How do I get my sister to stop nagging my mother and me? -- Cleanup on Aisle Attitude, Cleveland

DEAR CLEANUP ON AISLE ATTITUDE: Sit down with your sister and ask her if she realizes how she is behaving toward your mother and you. Chances are she does not. She has spent the year away from home learning how to live in a different way. She has come back with her new ideas and habits and is likely unconsciously attempting to impose them on you. She probably believes that what she is doing is helpful. Explain that her behavior is disruptive and disrespectful to your mother and you. Ask her to back off with her insistence about how to keep your mother's home. Tell her that if she really cannot stand the "mess," she can clean up whatever she wants, but she should do so silently, as a support rather than a punishment.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am graduating college this year, and I haven't figured out what I am going to do with my life next. I am getting a liberal arts degree, which my parents said would make me well-rounded. While that's true, I have no idea how I am going to earn a living. I have had odd jobs during the summers, but I was fortunate to have my parents pay for my education and supplement me, so I did not have to work. I realize that may not have been the best choice. My parents suggested that I go to graduate school. I don't even know what I would study. They said I can live at home while I figure it out. I'm just so confused. What should I do next? -- Undecided, Detroit

DEAR UNDECIDED: Before you leave your school -- or even if you are already gone -- get in touch with a career counselor or adviser. This person should have been helping to guide you to make smart decisions for your future. It's not too late to get some of that input now. Review your transcript with this person. Talk about the subjects that interested you the most. Think about what types of careers interest you. If you want to go to graduate school, it will be smart for you to have a sense of what you want to do with that graduate degree. Narrow down your list to two or three ideas and then talk through what it will take to make them happen. This should help you to choose.

If you enjoy public service, you may want to enlist in the Peace Corps or another such organization and volunteer for a year or two to learn about the world as you consider your next steps. Ultimately, you will need to make a choice. This doesn't have to be the final choice for your life, but in order to get started being independent, you have to determine what you can do to earn a living.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was dating a young lady for a few months earlier this year, and I thought everything was going well -- until she told me she really just wants to be friends with me. I always run into this situation. It's as if I am everybody's buddy, but so far nobody wants to date me. I am a nice, attractive guy. I am a big guy, but not so big that I would be considered unattractive. I don't know why I always get relegated to "friend" status. Is it because I don't try to sleep with them right away? I don't get it. How can I turn that around? -- More than a Friend, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR MORE THAN A FRIEND: When you meet someone you like, make it clear to her up front that you want to date her. Describe what you are looking for in a partner and what you want in a relationship. Be brave enough to declare your goals. This should clear the way for only real contenders to stick around. You don't need to reach for intimacy any sooner. Just be upfront about your intentions.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant is very talkative. We get along well and I do like to hear a bit about her life, but we do not have time for prolonged conversations about the weekend, family matters, shopping, whatever it may be. At the same time, I know that it makes her feel at ease if she can have a little banter before diving in to her work. How can I strike a balance with her so that she feels that I care about her personal life but that we get to work quicker? This chitchat is taking up way too much time. -- Hush Up and Work, Dallas

DEAR HUSH UP AND WORK: I use the five-minute rule. The maximum I allow for personal office banter is a five-minute window. After that, I tell my employees that we have to get to work. I let people know up front that this is my policy so that they can feel comfortable understanding why I do it.

During the day, if we get into a bit of conversation, I let them know that they have to be able to multitask in order to keep up the chitchat. Also, if things are very busy or if we are under deadline, I make it clear that there is no time to talk. Everybody has to hunker down.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The receptionist at my company is an attractive, bright woman who seems to be focused on her work. In general, she seems to be doing a good job. She greets people with a smile and makes them feel comfortable if they have to wait. I suppose we should feel very happy to even have her, since many firms have eliminated the receptionist role. That said, there is one thing that she does that drives me crazy. She is constantly chewing gum at her desk. Every time I get off the elevator and see her at her desk, I see her chomping on that gum. I think this looks unprofessional. I have even heard her cracking the gum on occasion. I feel like this is totally distracting from the good work she does. I also think it doesn't make our firm look good. I'm not her boss, but I am one of the people she works for in the sense of handling calls and visitors. I want to say something to her directly rather than going to HR. What do you think? -- Stop Chewing, Melbourne, Florida

DEAR STOP CHEWING: There's a very good chance that your receptionist doesn't realize how her gum chewing looks. This could be a bad habit, or she could be trying to mask bad breath. Who knows?

She will appreciate a private conversation where you point out that her gum chewing distracts from her overall professional demeanor. Describe to her what she looks like when the doors to the elevator open. Paint that picture for her, and chances are she will put the gum down.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)