DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant is very talkative. We get along well and I do like to hear a bit about her life, but we do not have time for prolonged conversations about the weekend, family matters, shopping, whatever it may be. At the same time, I know that it makes her feel at ease if she can have a little banter before diving in to her work. How can I strike a balance with her so that she feels that I care about her personal life but that we get to work quicker? This chitchat is taking up way too much time. -- Hush Up and Work, Dallas

DEAR HUSH UP AND WORK: I use the five-minute rule. The maximum I allow for personal office banter is a five-minute window. After that, I tell my employees that we have to get to work. I let people know up front that this is my policy so that they can feel comfortable understanding why I do it.

During the day, if we get into a bit of conversation, I let them know that they have to be able to multitask in order to keep up the chitchat. Also, if things are very busy or if we are under deadline, I make it clear that there is no time to talk. Everybody has to hunker down.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The receptionist at my company is an attractive, bright woman who seems to be focused on her work. In general, she seems to be doing a good job. She greets people with a smile and makes them feel comfortable if they have to wait. I suppose we should feel very happy to even have her, since many firms have eliminated the receptionist role. That said, there is one thing that she does that drives me crazy. She is constantly chewing gum at her desk. Every time I get off the elevator and see her at her desk, I see her chomping on that gum. I think this looks unprofessional. I have even heard her cracking the gum on occasion. I feel like this is totally distracting from the good work she does. I also think it doesn't make our firm look good. I'm not her boss, but I am one of the people she works for in the sense of handling calls and visitors. I want to say something to her directly rather than going to HR. What do you think? -- Stop Chewing, Melbourne, Florida

DEAR STOP CHEWING: There's a very good chance that your receptionist doesn't realize how her gum chewing looks. This could be a bad habit, or she could be trying to mask bad breath. Who knows?

She will appreciate a private conversation where you point out that her gum chewing distracts from her overall professional demeanor. Describe to her what she looks like when the doors to the elevator open. Paint that picture for her, and chances are she will put the gum down.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: With school coming to an end, my friends and I are planning on having a gift exchange. We divided up the names using a website, which also has a feature where you can make a wish list to help with gift ideas. The person I am assigned to give gifts has made quite an extensive wish list, mainly composed of various expensive items. We were given a price limit, but all of the items exceed that amount. I do not want to spend more money than I have to on her gift, but at the same time I want to get her something that she will like. What should I do? -- Beyond My Reach, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR BEYOND MY REACH: Do not go over budget. Instead, use your friend's ideas as inspiration. Think about what she may like that is similar to her wish list but more affordable. If that doesn't work, just think about her in general. What does she gravitate toward? What are her quirky interests? You may be able to come up with something fun that will put a smile on her face, but that has nothing to do with her actual list.

What's most important is for you not to feel compelled to spend more money than was agreed upon in order to fulfill her unreasonable requests. Add a beautiful card with a handwritten sentiment about the future, and wish her well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends never watches television. She doesn't even have a TV in her home. That's fine. It's her business. What isn't fine is how she berates me about watching TV. You would think that I was a couch potato the way she talks about me. If I mention a show I have seen or even the news, she tells me what a waste of time my TV viewing is. She continues telling me that I am not going to be smart and I probably won't amount to much if I keep watching TV. This seems so crazy to me. I work 10 hours a day. I have a good job. I come home and cook for my family and do my best to be a good person. She, on the other hand, is single and seemingly miserable. How does she get to judge me? I don't judge her. How can I get her to stop? -- To TV or Not, Seattle

DEAR TO TV OR NOT: The debate about the value of television watching has been raging ever since black-and-white TVs came on the scene. My father used to call the television the "idiot box" because he thought that's what viewers would quickly become. Never mind the fact that he watched often and was a brilliant man!

Your friend absolutely should keep her comments to herself. You are entitled to your own choices. If I were you, I would stop mentioning television programming to her because she is uninterested. If and when she starts in with her negative opinions, ask her to stop. Tell her you are not interested in her opinion.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are divorced but have a relatively amiable relationship, especially for a divorced couple. Last year for Father's Day, my mother, sister and I organized a brunch for him in a nearby bistro. He did not even show up or call us. My sister and mother were very hurt, but I half-expected this behavior from him. With Father's Day coming up this year, do I ignore last year or not even try to celebrate with him? -- Bother With a Father, Syracuse, NY

DEAR BOTHER WITH A FATHER: My mother used to tell me when I would complain about a man I liked who often misbehaved, "To know him is to know that," meaning people are the way they are. We often want to change them, but it usually does not work. In your father's case, he has proven that he is unreliable when it comes to celebrations. So now you know that.

What you must do this year is to honor him without creating too much vulnerability for yourself. You can do that by getting a gift for him and sending it to him in advance so that he has it for Father's Day. You and your family can call him when you are together and leave a voice mail for him if he doesn't pick up. What's essential is that you can experience closure whether he is present or not. In that way, you reduce the chances of feeling hurt or angry.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love making and creating things. Is there any etiquette regarding homemade gifts? I'd love to make gifts for others, but I am not sure if those gifts are seen as cheap or undesirable. With birthdays and other celebrations, I like personalizing gifts. Are homemade gifts out of style and shabby? -- Do It on My Own, Salt Lake City

DEAR DO IT ON MY OWN: A homemade gift can be the best, most sincere gift a person ever receives. That is, if the person creating the gift keeps the gift recipient(s) in mind. For example, do make chocolate chip cookies for chocoholics. Don't give chocolate to someone who is allergic or uninterested. Do give an art object to someone who enjoys tchotchkes. Do not offer that same thing to a neat freak whose home has no extras sitting around.

The saying is, "it's the thought that counts." When it comes to homemade gifts, think long and hard about the person who will be receiving the gift. Create something that you believe that person will appreciate not only because you created it, but also because he or she values what it is. That's when you have a win-win situation. By the way, the best gifts are often the most affordable. The way they touch the heart is what matters.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)