DEAR HARRIETTE: With school coming to an end, my friends and I are planning on having a gift exchange. We divided up the names using a website, which also has a feature where you can make a wish list to help with gift ideas. The person I am assigned to give gifts has made quite an extensive wish list, mainly composed of various expensive items. We were given a price limit, but all of the items exceed that amount. I do not want to spend more money than I have to on her gift, but at the same time I want to get her something that she will like. What should I do? -- Beyond My Reach, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR BEYOND MY REACH: Do not go over budget. Instead, use your friend's ideas as inspiration. Think about what she may like that is similar to her wish list but more affordable. If that doesn't work, just think about her in general. What does she gravitate toward? What are her quirky interests? You may be able to come up with something fun that will put a smile on her face, but that has nothing to do with her actual list.

What's most important is for you not to feel compelled to spend more money than was agreed upon in order to fulfill her unreasonable requests. Add a beautiful card with a handwritten sentiment about the future, and wish her well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends never watches television. She doesn't even have a TV in her home. That's fine. It's her business. What isn't fine is how she berates me about watching TV. You would think that I was a couch potato the way she talks about me. If I mention a show I have seen or even the news, she tells me what a waste of time my TV viewing is. She continues telling me that I am not going to be smart and I probably won't amount to much if I keep watching TV. This seems so crazy to me. I work 10 hours a day. I have a good job. I come home and cook for my family and do my best to be a good person. She, on the other hand, is single and seemingly miserable. How does she get to judge me? I don't judge her. How can I get her to stop? -- To TV or Not, Seattle

DEAR TO TV OR NOT: The debate about the value of television watching has been raging ever since black-and-white TVs came on the scene. My father used to call the television the "idiot box" because he thought that's what viewers would quickly become. Never mind the fact that he watched often and was a brilliant man!

Your friend absolutely should keep her comments to herself. You are entitled to your own choices. If I were you, I would stop mentioning television programming to her because she is uninterested. If and when she starts in with her negative opinions, ask her to stop. Tell her you are not interested in her opinion.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are divorced but have a relatively amiable relationship, especially for a divorced couple. Last year for Father's Day, my mother, sister and I organized a brunch for him in a nearby bistro. He did not even show up or call us. My sister and mother were very hurt, but I half-expected this behavior from him. With Father's Day coming up this year, do I ignore last year or not even try to celebrate with him? -- Bother With a Father, Syracuse, NY

DEAR BOTHER WITH A FATHER: My mother used to tell me when I would complain about a man I liked who often misbehaved, "To know him is to know that," meaning people are the way they are. We often want to change them, but it usually does not work. In your father's case, he has proven that he is unreliable when it comes to celebrations. So now you know that.

What you must do this year is to honor him without creating too much vulnerability for yourself. You can do that by getting a gift for him and sending it to him in advance so that he has it for Father's Day. You and your family can call him when you are together and leave a voice mail for him if he doesn't pick up. What's essential is that you can experience closure whether he is present or not. In that way, you reduce the chances of feeling hurt or angry.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love making and creating things. Is there any etiquette regarding homemade gifts? I'd love to make gifts for others, but I am not sure if those gifts are seen as cheap or undesirable. With birthdays and other celebrations, I like personalizing gifts. Are homemade gifts out of style and shabby? -- Do It on My Own, Salt Lake City

DEAR DO IT ON MY OWN: A homemade gift can be the best, most sincere gift a person ever receives. That is, if the person creating the gift keeps the gift recipient(s) in mind. For example, do make chocolate chip cookies for chocoholics. Don't give chocolate to someone who is allergic or uninterested. Do give an art object to someone who enjoys tchotchkes. Do not offer that same thing to a neat freak whose home has no extras sitting around.

The saying is, "it's the thought that counts." When it comes to homemade gifts, think long and hard about the person who will be receiving the gift. Create something that you believe that person will appreciate not only because you created it, but also because he or she values what it is. That's when you have a win-win situation. By the way, the best gifts are often the most affordable. The way they touch the heart is what matters.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is planning a trip to his home in Poland over the next holiday season. I am excited to see my family, and we will make multiple stops in Poland to visit most of the relatives. I will not have been to Poland in two years, and it being the holiday season, will I be expected to have a gift from America for every family member I see? I will visit upwards of 20 family members, and do not want to overpack the suitcase and use all of my spending money. Do I have to bring everyone a gift? Could I buy some of the gifts in Poland? I know it's awhile away, but I am already worried. -- Thrifty Holiday, Greenwich, Connecticut

DEAR THRIFTY HOLIDAY: Whether it's holiday time or not, you definitely should come bearing gifts for each family member. Trust that just a small, affordable memento from America will be treasured by whomever receives it.

Rather than fretting about the cost of these items, consider some options. First, talk to your father and ask him if you can pool your resources and purchase gifts as a family for everyone. Tell him how much you can comfortably contribute, and ask him what he is able to give.

Make a list of all of your family members. Think about what they might appreciate. You can select anything from American candy to miniature likenesses of the Statue of Liberty or Mickey Mouse. Consider beauty products, like fingernail polish, that travels well. If you subscribe to magazines, consider bringing your old copies as giveaways. Books are great gifts as well. Depending on where your family lives and their interests, these things may not be readily accessible to them.

If you are up to it, you could also make gifts for the family. Something made with love specifically for them may be hugely popular.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not attending my cousin's wedding next September. I will be in school in America, and the wedding is in Europe. I am not too bummed about missing it, but I do not know what to say to my cousin when I see him this summer. I wish him the best, but I need to learn in college and be frugal during the time that he is having his special day. -- I Do ... Not, Dallas

DEAR I DO ... NOT: Start by wholeheartedly congratulating your cousin on his upcoming wedding. When you are together, learn all that you can about his bride-to-be. Make an effort to be with him as he shares his excitement about his upcoming nuptials. If his fiance is also there, by all means spend time with her, getting to know her and establishing a bond that will be strong across the water.

Toward the end of your time together, tell him that as much as you would like to be there in person to celebrate his union, you are unable to attend because you will be in school. Offer your blessings, love and support for his very special day as you make it clear that you cannot come because you will be away at school. Send a gift and a lovely card. And stay in touch. That will be your real gift to them.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)