DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is planning a trip to his home in Poland over the next holiday season. I am excited to see my family, and we will make multiple stops in Poland to visit most of the relatives. I will not have been to Poland in two years, and it being the holiday season, will I be expected to have a gift from America for every family member I see? I will visit upwards of 20 family members, and do not want to overpack the suitcase and use all of my spending money. Do I have to bring everyone a gift? Could I buy some of the gifts in Poland? I know it's awhile away, but I am already worried. -- Thrifty Holiday, Greenwich, Connecticut

DEAR THRIFTY HOLIDAY: Whether it's holiday time or not, you definitely should come bearing gifts for each family member. Trust that just a small, affordable memento from America will be treasured by whomever receives it.

Rather than fretting about the cost of these items, consider some options. First, talk to your father and ask him if you can pool your resources and purchase gifts as a family for everyone. Tell him how much you can comfortably contribute, and ask him what he is able to give.

Make a list of all of your family members. Think about what they might appreciate. You can select anything from American candy to miniature likenesses of the Statue of Liberty or Mickey Mouse. Consider beauty products, like fingernail polish, that travels well. If you subscribe to magazines, consider bringing your old copies as giveaways. Books are great gifts as well. Depending on where your family lives and their interests, these things may not be readily accessible to them.

If you are up to it, you could also make gifts for the family. Something made with love specifically for them may be hugely popular.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not attending my cousin's wedding next September. I will be in school in America, and the wedding is in Europe. I am not too bummed about missing it, but I do not know what to say to my cousin when I see him this summer. I wish him the best, but I need to learn in college and be frugal during the time that he is having his special day. -- I Do ... Not, Dallas

DEAR I DO ... NOT: Start by wholeheartedly congratulating your cousin on his upcoming wedding. When you are together, learn all that you can about his bride-to-be. Make an effort to be with him as he shares his excitement about his upcoming nuptials. If his fiance is also there, by all means spend time with her, getting to know her and establishing a bond that will be strong across the water.

Toward the end of your time together, tell him that as much as you would like to be there in person to celebrate his union, you are unable to attend because you will be in school. Offer your blessings, love and support for his very special day as you make it clear that you cannot come because you will be away at school. Send a gift and a lovely card. And stay in touch. That will be your real gift to them.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandfather has had multiple wives throughout his life. His most recent marriage produced a son who is 10 years younger than I am, leaving me with a 13-year-old uncle. I do not have a close relationship with him, so he is practically a stranger to me. I recently saw him for the first time in three years and was shocked by his appearance. He was severely overweight and lacked some basic social cues. Since my grandfather is in his mid-80s, I understand that he does not have the energy to constantly watch over my little uncle, but it is scary to see such a young kid dealing with these problems. Since I do not have that much of a relationship with him, I do not know what I can do to help him with his weight and social skills. How should I approach this situation? -- Looking Out for Family, Cincinnati

DEAR LOOKING OUT FOR FAMILY: If you can, invite him to spend some time with you this summer -- it would be great if you could welcome him to stay with you for a week or more so the two of you can hang out and get to know each other. Over the course of your time together, cook meals for him and invite him to learn to cook with you. You can do light exercise, such as walking in a park. You can ease your uncle into your personal patterns, even if you have to tailor them to be less rigorous. Generally speaking, people do not like to hear others ridicule them about anything, especially their weight. If you can lead by example and show your uncle a healthier lifestyle that is complete with solid social skills, you may be able to inspire him to learn more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went out to lunch with one of my friends and had an awkward situation with a waiter. It took at least 10 minutes to be seated, even though there were only two other people in the restaurant. Once we were seated, it took a while to have our orders taken, our water was never filled and our waiter was rude. Once our meal was over -- taking way more time than we had anticipated -- we decided to leave a $1 tip on the $20 bill due to the horrible service. As soon as we were a couple of steps away from the restaurant, we heard the waiter yelling and running after us with the bill in hand. Once he had our attention, he proceeded to point to the bill and repeat the number, signifying that we did not tip to his pleasure. Just to put an end to the situation, I handed him a $5 bill. While I know it is bad not to tip, we had horrible service. The waiter was completely inappropriate about the entire situation. In the future, how should I handle situations like this? -- Keep the Check, Denver

DEAR KEEP THE CHECK: Next time, speak to the waiter's boss early on. Explain that the service has been poor and ask for support. At the end of a poorly served meal, speak to the maitre d' or owner, and express your displeasure with the service. Also leave a small tip.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be best friends with a girl in middle school, and our moms became close friends as a result. Years later, we have grown apart, but they are still close friends. I am happy my mother has a confidante and partner in crime, but both mothers do not seem to understand that their daughters do not share the same bond. They think setting us up on "play dates" of sorts will work to rekindle our friendship. We grew apart because of a difference in values and interests, and I am happy with the current amount of friends I have. I am always cordial to the daughter when I see her, but I find this maternal meddling frustrating. Is there any way to politely tell my mother to get over the end of my middle school friendship? -- No Old Friends, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR NO OLD FRIENDS: The direct approach is the best approach. Talk to your mother and tell her that you are happy that she and the other mom have become so close. Then point out that the same is not true for you and her daughter, and it is OK. The two of you do not share the same values, interests or friends, so neither of you is trying to cultivate a bond. Ask your mother to let you live your life as she enjoys hers.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After senior prom, students separate into smaller groups to get ready for after-prom, which takes place 30 minutes away. Party buses are rented for this occasion, and who is on which bus is determined by friendships. My boyfriend and I do not have the same friends, and since we are spending pre-prom with my friends, I thought it'd be a good compromise to go on a post-prom bus with his friends. Upon seeing that my boyfriend and I were on the list for this bus, other passengers contacted him saying they do not feel "comfortable" with me being on this bus. We have since switched buses to be with my friends. The people who contacted him were people I previously considered friends. I was originally shocked to learn people felt this way, but I know that not everyone is going to like me, and that's OK. I do not know how to react when I see these people again. I would like to ignore them, but I am simply not sure how to proceed. Is ignoring them immature, or is it the best path to follow in this situation? -- Can't Win 'Em All

DEAR CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL: Chalk all of the drama up to prom cliques and jitters. Congratulate yourself and your boyfriend on working your bus rides out together. That's the most important thing. Don't give the others a second thought. When you see them, greet them in a friendly way. You have no need even to think about them anymore. Your bond with your boyfriend trumped all of them!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)