DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandfather has had multiple wives throughout his life. His most recent marriage produced a son who is 10 years younger than I am, leaving me with a 13-year-old uncle. I do not have a close relationship with him, so he is practically a stranger to me. I recently saw him for the first time in three years and was shocked by his appearance. He was severely overweight and lacked some basic social cues. Since my grandfather is in his mid-80s, I understand that he does not have the energy to constantly watch over my little uncle, but it is scary to see such a young kid dealing with these problems. Since I do not have that much of a relationship with him, I do not know what I can do to help him with his weight and social skills. How should I approach this situation? -- Looking Out for Family, Cincinnati

DEAR LOOKING OUT FOR FAMILY: If you can, invite him to spend some time with you this summer -- it would be great if you could welcome him to stay with you for a week or more so the two of you can hang out and get to know each other. Over the course of your time together, cook meals for him and invite him to learn to cook with you. You can do light exercise, such as walking in a park. You can ease your uncle into your personal patterns, even if you have to tailor them to be less rigorous. Generally speaking, people do not like to hear others ridicule them about anything, especially their weight. If you can lead by example and show your uncle a healthier lifestyle that is complete with solid social skills, you may be able to inspire him to learn more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went out to lunch with one of my friends and had an awkward situation with a waiter. It took at least 10 minutes to be seated, even though there were only two other people in the restaurant. Once we were seated, it took a while to have our orders taken, our water was never filled and our waiter was rude. Once our meal was over -- taking way more time than we had anticipated -- we decided to leave a $1 tip on the $20 bill due to the horrible service. As soon as we were a couple of steps away from the restaurant, we heard the waiter yelling and running after us with the bill in hand. Once he had our attention, he proceeded to point to the bill and repeat the number, signifying that we did not tip to his pleasure. Just to put an end to the situation, I handed him a $5 bill. While I know it is bad not to tip, we had horrible service. The waiter was completely inappropriate about the entire situation. In the future, how should I handle situations like this? -- Keep the Check, Denver

DEAR KEEP THE CHECK: Next time, speak to the waiter's boss early on. Explain that the service has been poor and ask for support. At the end of a poorly served meal, speak to the maitre d' or owner, and express your displeasure with the service. Also leave a small tip.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be best friends with a girl in middle school, and our moms became close friends as a result. Years later, we have grown apart, but they are still close friends. I am happy my mother has a confidante and partner in crime, but both mothers do not seem to understand that their daughters do not share the same bond. They think setting us up on "play dates" of sorts will work to rekindle our friendship. We grew apart because of a difference in values and interests, and I am happy with the current amount of friends I have. I am always cordial to the daughter when I see her, but I find this maternal meddling frustrating. Is there any way to politely tell my mother to get over the end of my middle school friendship? -- No Old Friends, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR NO OLD FRIENDS: The direct approach is the best approach. Talk to your mother and tell her that you are happy that she and the other mom have become so close. Then point out that the same is not true for you and her daughter, and it is OK. The two of you do not share the same values, interests or friends, so neither of you is trying to cultivate a bond. Ask your mother to let you live your life as she enjoys hers.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After senior prom, students separate into smaller groups to get ready for after-prom, which takes place 30 minutes away. Party buses are rented for this occasion, and who is on which bus is determined by friendships. My boyfriend and I do not have the same friends, and since we are spending pre-prom with my friends, I thought it'd be a good compromise to go on a post-prom bus with his friends. Upon seeing that my boyfriend and I were on the list for this bus, other passengers contacted him saying they do not feel "comfortable" with me being on this bus. We have since switched buses to be with my friends. The people who contacted him were people I previously considered friends. I was originally shocked to learn people felt this way, but I know that not everyone is going to like me, and that's OK. I do not know how to react when I see these people again. I would like to ignore them, but I am simply not sure how to proceed. Is ignoring them immature, or is it the best path to follow in this situation? -- Can't Win 'Em All

DEAR CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL: Chalk all of the drama up to prom cliques and jitters. Congratulate yourself and your boyfriend on working your bus rides out together. That's the most important thing. Don't give the others a second thought. When you see them, greet them in a friendly way. You have no need even to think about them anymore. Your bond with your boyfriend trumped all of them!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother and I have never had a good relationship. He is always criticizing my decisions and trying to control what I do. He is moving back in with my family after graduation from college, and I am nervous about the tension this will cause in my house, especially because he is still searching for a job and has the stress of now being in the real world after finishing school. I am fearful that this added stress will cause him to be even more critical of my life. How should I deal with the return of my brother's controlling presence? I will be a senior in high school next year, so I don't leave for another year. -- Dreading His Return, Chicago

DEAR DREADING HIS RETURN: Now is the time for you to stand up for yourself. While your brother has been controlling in the past, you have the ability to reject his behavior now. First of all, remember that he may be in a troubled state of mind because he is in flux. Choose to be kind to him, but also establish boundaries. If he lashes out at you by making disparaging comments, leave the room. Physically take yourself out of his space so that you don't have to hear him. Tell him that your room is your sanctuary, and he is not welcome to come in without your permission. Do your best to ignore him and to focus instead on your studies, your plans for college and your life. Do not say mean things about him. You can, however, tell him that you have chosen not to criticize him and his life, even though it could be easy to do. Ask him to be kind to you, too.

If you find that his behavior is getting worse or that you cannot handle it by yourself, enlist your parents' support. Ask them to help you by speaking to your brother about being respectful to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a daily user of public transportation. I enjoy the convenience and not having to burden myself with a car. However, frequently traveling with others has made me aware of how comfortable people are with staring. I feel myself getting stared at and never know how to react. I do not stare at other people or do outlandish things to draw attention to myself. Is there any way to ease my discomfort, or is this simply a downside of public transportation? -- Eyes Not Over Here Please, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR EYES NOT OVER HERE PLEASE: Staring is a downside to public transportation, unfortunately. When in the close quarters the bus or subway requires, it is helpful to bring a book or newspaper to read. By focusing your attention on something that you can control, you can ignore people who may be staring at you.

At the same time, you should remain aware of your surroundings in order to stay safe. If you do make eye contact with someone, you do not need to offer a welcoming smile. To someone who stares, you can trade a strong glance that says you are in control of yourself. When you disembark said transportation, be sure to notice who gets off with you. Stay alert.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)