DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother and I have never had a good relationship. He is always criticizing my decisions and trying to control what I do. He is moving back in with my family after graduation from college, and I am nervous about the tension this will cause in my house, especially because he is still searching for a job and has the stress of now being in the real world after finishing school. I am fearful that this added stress will cause him to be even more critical of my life. How should I deal with the return of my brother's controlling presence? I will be a senior in high school next year, so I don't leave for another year. -- Dreading His Return, Chicago

DEAR DREADING HIS RETURN: Now is the time for you to stand up for yourself. While your brother has been controlling in the past, you have the ability to reject his behavior now. First of all, remember that he may be in a troubled state of mind because he is in flux. Choose to be kind to him, but also establish boundaries. If he lashes out at you by making disparaging comments, leave the room. Physically take yourself out of his space so that you don't have to hear him. Tell him that your room is your sanctuary, and he is not welcome to come in without your permission. Do your best to ignore him and to focus instead on your studies, your plans for college and your life. Do not say mean things about him. You can, however, tell him that you have chosen not to criticize him and his life, even though it could be easy to do. Ask him to be kind to you, too.

If you find that his behavior is getting worse or that you cannot handle it by yourself, enlist your parents' support. Ask them to help you by speaking to your brother about being respectful to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a daily user of public transportation. I enjoy the convenience and not having to burden myself with a car. However, frequently traveling with others has made me aware of how comfortable people are with staring. I feel myself getting stared at and never know how to react. I do not stare at other people or do outlandish things to draw attention to myself. Is there any way to ease my discomfort, or is this simply a downside of public transportation? -- Eyes Not Over Here Please, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR EYES NOT OVER HERE PLEASE: Staring is a downside to public transportation, unfortunately. When in the close quarters the bus or subway requires, it is helpful to bring a book or newspaper to read. By focusing your attention on something that you can control, you can ignore people who may be staring at you.

At the same time, you should remain aware of your surroundings in order to stay safe. If you do make eye contact with someone, you do not need to offer a welcoming smile. To someone who stares, you can trade a strong glance that says you are in control of yourself. When you disembark said transportation, be sure to notice who gets off with you. Stay alert.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a phobia of being on boats, and my family has known about it for years. I get anxiety and panic at the thought of being on a boat. My mother's new boyfriend has three boats and is in love with the sea. She constantly talks about how often we will be on boats in the summer. When I told her I would not be going, she decided I act this way because I get seasickness. It's incredibly frustrating to me that she trivializes my phobia and thinks a tablet can cure it. How do I make my mother realize I have a reason to not go on the boat while politely declining her boyfriend's invitations? -- Mal Voyage, Darien, Connecticut

DEAR MAL VOYAGE: Your mother is so excited about her life with her new beau that she isn't thinking straight, or so it sounds from your account. Sit your mother down in a quiet moment and tell her you need to talk to her about something that is really important to you. Explain that you do not get seasick. Instead, you absolute dread the notion of going on the water. Ask her to respect your decision to stay on land this summer. Give her your blessing for her to go and have fun with her boyfriend without you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently made the decision to become a vegan due to ethical and health reasons. Even though completely changing your diet is a difficult thing to do, the hardest thing has been communicating with other people about my new lifestyle. It has made it hard to go out for food occasions with friends, due to the difficulty finding finding something to eat on the menu and constantly having to explain my new eating habits. Every time I have to explain my choice to become a vegan to others, I feel as if I am offending them on their food choices. I have enjoyed being a vegan so far and love what it stands for, but it has caused such a rift in my social life that I do not know how much longer I can keep it up. How do I deal with others while maintaining my veganism? -- Different Eater, Syracuse, New York

DEAR DIFFERENT EATER: Before you agree to go to a particular restaurant, check out the menu to see if there are any vegan offerings. Suggest restaurants that cater to a broad palate so you and your friends can enjoy a meal. Do not feel the need to talk about your food choices all the time.

To reduce the amount of interaction you have in front of others about vegan menu options, speak to the waiter separately so that you already know what options work for you. And when you are asked about your new way of eating, state the value of this decision for you without being defensive. Ask your loved ones to respect your decision.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I have wanted to break up with my boyfriend, but every time I work up the courage to do it, he brings up his depression. This is something he has suffered with for years. I feel bad leaving him while he is going through such a hard time, but I do not know how much longer I can stay in this relationship. How do I end things without leaving him without a support system? -- Ready to Go, Detroit

DEAR READY TO GO: Unless you are a licensed mental health professional, you are not in the position to be a proper support system for your boyfriend. This doesn't mean that you should just dump him. As you know, a person suffering from depression can be emotionally fragile.

Out of kindness and genuine caring for him, urge your boyfriend to see his doctor and get help right now since he is in the throes of the disease. If you are able to get him to the doctor, you will be doing him an enormous favor.

That said, know that this may not be possible. Ultimately, you have to take care of yourself. If you do not think you can handle his depression, let go. Tell him you think it is time for the two of you to part ways. You will always respect him, but you need to make a change in your life. Tell him you hope he will take care of himself.

If he has family or friends who are in touch with him, you may want to touch base with one or more of them to suggest that they keep an eye out for him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A while ago, my friend and I planned on going on a trip together. At the time we planned it, there were many possible options for where we were going to go. But as the trip has gotten closer, my friend has shot down all of my ideas and refuses to contribute to the discussion. I have tried numerous times to sit her down and finally plan the trip, but she gets sidetracked every time. I feel like I've done everything I can to turn this trip into a reality, and I am fed up with my friend. How should I handle this situation? -- On Hold, Melbourne, Florida

DEAR ON HOLD: It can be so frustrating and disappointing to attempt to plan an activity, especially a trip, with a friend or group of friends who are flaky. Given the consistency of your friend's inability to make a decision, you need to accept that it is time for you to make a different decision. Plan a solo trip where you do exactly what you want to do by yourself. Or you can invite another friend to join you on your pre-planned trip. Or forego a trip altogether. Bottom line: Stop letting your friend have control over this experience. Decide what you want to do and then do it, independent of her.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)