DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I have wanted to break up with my boyfriend, but every time I work up the courage to do it, he brings up his depression. This is something he has suffered with for years. I feel bad leaving him while he is going through such a hard time, but I do not know how much longer I can stay in this relationship. How do I end things without leaving him without a support system? -- Ready to Go, Detroit

DEAR READY TO GO: Unless you are a licensed mental health professional, you are not in the position to be a proper support system for your boyfriend. This doesn't mean that you should just dump him. As you know, a person suffering from depression can be emotionally fragile.

Out of kindness and genuine caring for him, urge your boyfriend to see his doctor and get help right now since he is in the throes of the disease. If you are able to get him to the doctor, you will be doing him an enormous favor.

That said, know that this may not be possible. Ultimately, you have to take care of yourself. If you do not think you can handle his depression, let go. Tell him you think it is time for the two of you to part ways. You will always respect him, but you need to make a change in your life. Tell him you hope he will take care of himself.

If he has family or friends who are in touch with him, you may want to touch base with one or more of them to suggest that they keep an eye out for him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A while ago, my friend and I planned on going on a trip together. At the time we planned it, there were many possible options for where we were going to go. But as the trip has gotten closer, my friend has shot down all of my ideas and refuses to contribute to the discussion. I have tried numerous times to sit her down and finally plan the trip, but she gets sidetracked every time. I feel like I've done everything I can to turn this trip into a reality, and I am fed up with my friend. How should I handle this situation? -- On Hold, Melbourne, Florida

DEAR ON HOLD: It can be so frustrating and disappointing to attempt to plan an activity, especially a trip, with a friend or group of friends who are flaky. Given the consistency of your friend's inability to make a decision, you need to accept that it is time for you to make a different decision. Plan a solo trip where you do exactly what you want to do by yourself. Or you can invite another friend to join you on your pre-planned trip. Or forego a trip altogether. Bottom line: Stop letting your friend have control over this experience. Decide what you want to do and then do it, independent of her.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked my sister if we could celebrate my husband's birthday at her place because they have a really nice house and a pool. I was trying to figure out a way to make something fun for him -- it is a big birthday -- even though typically he doesn't like big parties. He usually likes to hang out with my family, so I thought it would be a winning idea. I did have the presence of mind to run it by him after I got the OK from my sister, since in the end the celebration is for him. Turns out, he doesn't like the idea at all. I had asked him several times before and he shrugged it off, but he finally told me his preference.

Now I have to tell my sister that we won't need her generous offer anymore. I know she's my sister, but I feel bad. How should I handle it? -- Sensitive Sister, Boston

DEAR SENSITIVE SISTER: Since you prefaced your request to your sister with the knowledge that you hadn't asked your husband yet, it is likely that she will understand. I think it was wise for you to verify whether it was even possible with her before broaching it with your husband. Just call your sister and tell her that when you discussed birthday plans with your husband, he actually had another idea in mind. Thank her for being willing to welcome your family for his big day. If it makes logistical sense, by all means invite your sister and her family to the celebration that you ultimately decide to have.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has a performance coming up at his school, and we are limited in the number of people we can invite to come see it because the school auditorium is small. Last time he performed, we invited his godmother, who is the most attentive to him. Another "auntie" got wind of it and called to say she wanted to attend the next one. I can only invite one extra person. How do I choose? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but in the end, this is about my son, not them. -- Making a Choice, Washington, D.C.

DEAR MAKING A CHOICE: Since this event is focused on your son, why not ask him whom he would like to invite to see it? Do not limit it to these two people, either. He may have another friend, relative or neighbor whom he would appreciate seeing in the audience.

If he doesn't care either way, invite the auntie who hasn't attended a performance yet. Over time, rotate the honored guests so that everyone gets a chance to celebrate your talented child.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to get a tattoo. I have not talked about it with my parents, but I do not necessarily feel the need to ask them for permission. The tattoo will be small and not in a visible location. Multiple people in my family have tattoos, and everyone is relatively neutral about the topic. I am 18 and would use the money I earn working to pay for it. If my parents are not strict and I will not be using their money to pay for the tattoo, do I still have to ask them for permission? -- Itching for Ink, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR ITCHING FOR INK: Your trepidation suggests that you think that you should ask for permission or there is a chance your parents will say no. It could also be that you want to exert your independence and want to take that step right now. Whatever the case may be, now is not the time for you to sneak and get a tattoo.

Instead, go to your parents and let them know that this is what you want to do. Share the plan with them, including how you intend to pay for it. Ask for their blessing and also for their recommendation for a safe place to get the tattoo.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel as though I have outgrown a friend. Nothing in particular happened, she is simply very negative, and I feel like our relationship does not help me grow. I have tried distancing myself, but she still contacts me and gets angry when I do not respond to her. Is there a way to break up with a friend? Should I give her a chance to change? -- Growing Out of Touch, Chicago

DEAR GROWING OUT OF TOUCH: I think life is precious. When you consider your life to be extremely valuable, you create a perspective that suggests that you only want to welcome people and experiences that contribute to its value. This doesn't mean you should callously discard people when they bother you. It does mean that if someone is consistently bringing you down, you should reconsider if that person deserves to be in your life.

Not every friend is a friend for life. Too often, people stay in friendships because they have been around for a long time or they are convenient. Take a different view. What relationships enhance your life, and which do not? Focus your energy on cultivating the uplifting bonds.

In this case, since this friend is constantly negative, it may be time to let her go. Given that she has not gotten the message in its subtle form, it is time to be direct. Tell her that you care about her and want her to have a good life, but that you cannot stay close to her now. Say to her that her constant negativity upsets you, and you need to take a break from her now. Tell her that you have decided to focus on yourself and improving your life. Wish her well. Stop taking her calls.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)