DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked my sister if we could celebrate my husband's birthday at her place because they have a really nice house and a pool. I was trying to figure out a way to make something fun for him -- it is a big birthday -- even though typically he doesn't like big parties. He usually likes to hang out with my family, so I thought it would be a winning idea. I did have the presence of mind to run it by him after I got the OK from my sister, since in the end the celebration is for him. Turns out, he doesn't like the idea at all. I had asked him several times before and he shrugged it off, but he finally told me his preference.

Now I have to tell my sister that we won't need her generous offer anymore. I know she's my sister, but I feel bad. How should I handle it? -- Sensitive Sister, Boston

DEAR SENSITIVE SISTER: Since you prefaced your request to your sister with the knowledge that you hadn't asked your husband yet, it is likely that she will understand. I think it was wise for you to verify whether it was even possible with her before broaching it with your husband. Just call your sister and tell her that when you discussed birthday plans with your husband, he actually had another idea in mind. Thank her for being willing to welcome your family for his big day. If it makes logistical sense, by all means invite your sister and her family to the celebration that you ultimately decide to have.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has a performance coming up at his school, and we are limited in the number of people we can invite to come see it because the school auditorium is small. Last time he performed, we invited his godmother, who is the most attentive to him. Another "auntie" got wind of it and called to say she wanted to attend the next one. I can only invite one extra person. How do I choose? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but in the end, this is about my son, not them. -- Making a Choice, Washington, D.C.

DEAR MAKING A CHOICE: Since this event is focused on your son, why not ask him whom he would like to invite to see it? Do not limit it to these two people, either. He may have another friend, relative or neighbor whom he would appreciate seeing in the audience.

If he doesn't care either way, invite the auntie who hasn't attended a performance yet. Over time, rotate the honored guests so that everyone gets a chance to celebrate your talented child.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to get a tattoo. I have not talked about it with my parents, but I do not necessarily feel the need to ask them for permission. The tattoo will be small and not in a visible location. Multiple people in my family have tattoos, and everyone is relatively neutral about the topic. I am 18 and would use the money I earn working to pay for it. If my parents are not strict and I will not be using their money to pay for the tattoo, do I still have to ask them for permission? -- Itching for Ink, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR ITCHING FOR INK: Your trepidation suggests that you think that you should ask for permission or there is a chance your parents will say no. It could also be that you want to exert your independence and want to take that step right now. Whatever the case may be, now is not the time for you to sneak and get a tattoo.

Instead, go to your parents and let them know that this is what you want to do. Share the plan with them, including how you intend to pay for it. Ask for their blessing and also for their recommendation for a safe place to get the tattoo.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel as though I have outgrown a friend. Nothing in particular happened, she is simply very negative, and I feel like our relationship does not help me grow. I have tried distancing myself, but she still contacts me and gets angry when I do not respond to her. Is there a way to break up with a friend? Should I give her a chance to change? -- Growing Out of Touch, Chicago

DEAR GROWING OUT OF TOUCH: I think life is precious. When you consider your life to be extremely valuable, you create a perspective that suggests that you only want to welcome people and experiences that contribute to its value. This doesn't mean you should callously discard people when they bother you. It does mean that if someone is consistently bringing you down, you should reconsider if that person deserves to be in your life.

Not every friend is a friend for life. Too often, people stay in friendships because they have been around for a long time or they are convenient. Take a different view. What relationships enhance your life, and which do not? Focus your energy on cultivating the uplifting bonds.

In this case, since this friend is constantly negative, it may be time to let her go. Given that she has not gotten the message in its subtle form, it is time to be direct. Tell her that you care about her and want her to have a good life, but that you cannot stay close to her now. Say to her that her constant negativity upsets you, and you need to take a break from her now. Tell her that you have decided to focus on yourself and improving your life. Wish her well. Stop taking her calls.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My senior prom is coming up, but instead of being excited about this upcoming event, I feel nothing but dread. Due to these strong feelings, I have decided not to go to prom. But when I brought this up with all of my friends and family, they have come together in order to encourage (more like force) me to attend. Since I do not share the same mindset as them, I am confused about what to do. Do I go and have a miserable time just to appease my family and friends, or do I follow my gut and not attend? How should I tell my friends and family that I am not going in a way that would be well-received by those trying to force me to go? -- Should I Go?, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SHOULD I GO?: You have a few things to consider. For starters: Why do you dread going to prom? This is important to understand for your own well-being. Feeling dread is very strong. Do you have a sense of what has created such a strong aversion in you? If you are able to name the reason why you feel so strongly, you may be able to get your friends and family to lighten up on you.

To the question of whether you should attend prom or not, this should be up to you. While most students do go to their proms, not every single student does, nor is attendance considered mandatory at most schools. If you absolutely do not want to go, tell your family you have made up your mind, and then plan an alternative activity to do on that day so that you have scheduled in fun for yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, one of my good guy friends asked me out. He feels like one of my brothers, and I am not attracted to him in that way. I explained to him why I did not share his feelings, and I thought he took it well. However, now he will barely even talk to me. I am torn between accepting the end of our friendship or confronting him about his "anger" or whatever feelings are fueling his need to avoid me. How should I approach this situation without offending him even more? -- No Love Lost, Dallas

DEAR NO LOVE LOST: What your friend needs is time. It took a tremendous amount of courage for him to ask you out. It is likely that he was shocked that you said no. He is embarrassed and likely sorting through his feelings, trying to figure out how to not be awkward given you now know his secret.

Let some weeks or months go by, and then ease back into the friendship. There's a good chance he just needs space to get his head and heart together before attempting to be chums again.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)