DEAR HARRIETTE: For the past couple of years, I have always been put in the middle of my parents' disagreements. Whenever they butt heads, they each come to me and vent about how horrible the other is. Every time this happens, it makes me very uncomfortable since it puts me in the middle of their fights, making me feel as if I have to choose sides. I have tried to talk to my siblings about this, but I am the only one my parents do this with, so I was unable to get any help from them. How should I go about getting this to stop? I still live at home because I go to college nearby. I feel like I need to move out in order to have peace of mind, but I can't leave yet. -- Out of the Middle, Washington, D.C.

DEAR OUT OF THE MIDDLE: Sometimes when couples are going through difficulties, they aren't consciously aware of how their behavior affects their loved ones, particularly their children. Confront them about what they are doing. You can do it with them together or one on one. Choose a moment when they are not inflamed. It is very hard to hear when you are upset, especially if the message being delivered is somewhat critical. So wait until a neutral time, and then tell them that you need to talk about something serious. Point out that when they disagree about things, they talk badly about each other to you. Explain how awkward this makes you feel. Make it clear that you do not want to choose sides, nor do you want to know all of their issues. Ask them to keep their arguments to themselves.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is constantly getting me expensive gifts. She often gives me things randomly as well as on holidays, even ones that she does not celebrate. This has always been something that has made me uncomfortable, and recently she has been spending more money on me. I try to get her to stop buying me things, but she never listens. Not only does her gift-giving make me uncomfortable, but it also adds pressure for me to get her expensive things, which is not something I am able to do all the time. I also found out that I am the only one she does this to, and since she does not have that many friends, it almost feels like she is trying to buy my friendship. How do I get her to stop spending money on me without hurting her feelings? -- Ban on Gifts, New York City

DEAR BAN ON GIFTS: Stop accepting your friend's gifts. The next time she gives you something, give it back to her. Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable that she is always buying you things, you won't like her any less if she stops giving you things and you will no longer accept gifts from her.

Yes, this may startle her and even hurt her feelings a bit. But it is important for you to stand your ground as a friend.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I baby-sit for a family with two fathers. I love the kids and always have great experiences baby-sitting for them. Recently, one of the boys has started to call me "Mommy." When it first happened, I told him I was not his mother; he already has parents and I am just a baby sitter. The second time it happened, I corrected him and he said he was just playing house. I correct or ignore him every time he calls me his mother, but I feel as though I am in a bit of an awkward situation. I would never want his fathers to find out and feel inadequate since they are amazing parents. Do I have the responsibility to report back to the fathers or accept this as a playful phase? -- Not Mommy, Philadelphia

DEAR NOT MOMMY: Your experience may feel uncomfortable, but it's actually quite common. Children grow to love their baby sitters as if they are parents, especially if they spend a lot of time together. On one hand, it is a compliment, even though it can feel awkward to the sitter. When my daughter was young, she called her sitter "Ma Cheryl." I got jealous at first, but eventually relaxed.

Your situation is different because of the two daddies and no mommy. Rather than constantly correcting them, why not make up a fun name for yourself that is neutral but engaging. Or make a game with them and come up with a name together, a love name that doesn't include the "m" word. If that works, great. If they continue to call you the "m" word, you should tell their dads.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, one of my friends decided to clean out her closet and allow any friend to take what they wanted. As she was sending us pictures of the clothing, she slowly decided she wanted money for all of these items. She waited until everyone decided which clothes they wanted to tell us she wanted compensation, and now everyone is in an awkward spot. These worn clothes are in good shape and fashionable -- but they're still secondhand. Additionally, she is trying to sell us some of her used bras! While the undergarments may have been expensive purchases originally, worn underwear is not something to charge people for. Is there a kind way to remind her that this is all used clothing, or do I have to bow out of this whole exchange to avoid getting ripped off? -- Firsthand Confusion About Secondhand Clothing, Boston

DEAR FIRSTHAND CONFUSION: Go the direct route. Tell your friend that she changed the rules on you, and you no longer want the items. Explain that since she offered the items for free and later decided to charge, you don't think that's fair, even though is her prerogative. Don't go into what she should charge for and what she shouldn't. Keep it simple. She changed the rules, and you have now changed your mind.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends refuses to leave a toxic relationship. They have been together for two years, but during this time, there has always been drama. He is very protective of her and will freak out whenever the relationship is threatened. He even threatened me once, as well as a couple of her other best friends, and she never did anything about it. Recently, she has been cheating on him with multiple guys. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for her to end the relationship, but she refuses to leave him, claiming that she loves him too much. I have continually tried to get her to end things, but she refuses and gets defensive. I do not know if I can be friends with her if she continues seeing this guy. How should I approach her about leaving him for good? -- Fed Up, Cincinnati

DEAR FED UP: You know already that you have no control over your friend's choices. That said, you do have control over yourself. If you fear for your safety because her boyfriend has threatened you, speak up and tell your friend that you choose not to hang out with her because of that fear. If you are simply tired of all of the drama between your friend and her boyfriend and the stress that it has placed on your friendship, say that to her.

Your focus in the conversation needs to be about you in relation to her behavior. Asking her to leave her boyfriend won't work. Telling her that you have decided to leave the friendship because of her behavior and how it makes you feel is your best option. Perhaps she will reconsider her choices if the repercussions mean that she might lose a dear friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I have been noticing that my close friend, who is a high school junior, has been drinking more. It has gone from just one drink to three or five. It is alarming, since this has become a daily ritual for her. She drinks after work every day. While I know this is a typical thing for many people, it has not been a normal thing for her. Instead of just getting a little buzz, my friend won't stop until she is flat-out drunk. It has even gotten to the point where I have to make sure she is at home and OK at least a couple of days a week. I have tried talking to her siblings about this problem, but they just pretend like it is not happening. How do I help my friend see that she has a problem that needs to be fixed? -- Scared and Concerned, Rochester, New York

DEAR SCARED AND CONCERNED: As scary as this may seem, I recommend that you speak to your friend's parents about their daughter's drinking. Tell them how much you love their daughter and that you are genuinely worried about her. Point out that you know she will be upset if she finds out that you said anything, but you had to tell them so that they can help their daughter before it's too late.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)