DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends refuses to leave a toxic relationship. They have been together for two years, but during this time, there has always been drama. He is very protective of her and will freak out whenever the relationship is threatened. He even threatened me once, as well as a couple of her other best friends, and she never did anything about it. Recently, she has been cheating on him with multiple guys. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for her to end the relationship, but she refuses to leave him, claiming that she loves him too much. I have continually tried to get her to end things, but she refuses and gets defensive. I do not know if I can be friends with her if she continues seeing this guy. How should I approach her about leaving him for good? -- Fed Up, Cincinnati

DEAR FED UP: You know already that you have no control over your friend's choices. That said, you do have control over yourself. If you fear for your safety because her boyfriend has threatened you, speak up and tell your friend that you choose not to hang out with her because of that fear. If you are simply tired of all of the drama between your friend and her boyfriend and the stress that it has placed on your friendship, say that to her.

Your focus in the conversation needs to be about you in relation to her behavior. Asking her to leave her boyfriend won't work. Telling her that you have decided to leave the friendship because of her behavior and how it makes you feel is your best option. Perhaps she will reconsider her choices if the repercussions mean that she might lose a dear friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I have been noticing that my close friend, who is a high school junior, has been drinking more. It has gone from just one drink to three or five. It is alarming, since this has become a daily ritual for her. She drinks after work every day. While I know this is a typical thing for many people, it has not been a normal thing for her. Instead of just getting a little buzz, my friend won't stop until she is flat-out drunk. It has even gotten to the point where I have to make sure she is at home and OK at least a couple of days a week. I have tried talking to her siblings about this problem, but they just pretend like it is not happening. How do I help my friend see that she has a problem that needs to be fixed? -- Scared and Concerned, Rochester, New York

DEAR SCARED AND CONCERNED: As scary as this may seem, I recommend that you speak to your friend's parents about their daughter's drinking. Tell them how much you love their daughter and that you are genuinely worried about her. Point out that you know she will be upset if she finds out that you said anything, but you had to tell them so that they can help their daughter before it's too late.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends has had many sexual partners in the last year. She does not always use protection, even with one-night stands or much older men. She is on birth control and does not seem to care that she is not protected from sexually transmitted diseases. I think she should go to a clinic to get tested because she's had over a dozen sexual partners in the last year. I am not concerned about her sexual promiscuity. I just think she should make sure she does not have any STDs. Is there a polite way to tell someone they should get tested? She's 19 years old. I'm worried about her. -- Don't Risk It, Detroit

DEAR DON'T RISK IT: Because you are not standing in judgment of your friend, you have a better chance of getting her to hear you. Invite your friend to hang out with you. During your private time together, bring up your concerns. Tell her that you are worried about her health because you know that it is very easy to get a sexually transmitted disease if you do not use protection. Offer to go with her to a clinic to get tested. Point out that the clinic will not reveal the results to her parents. On the flip side, the clinic can provide her with treatment if she needs it.

If your friend is willing to talk about her sexual behavior with you, try to get her to open up about what she's been doing and why. Ask her if she would like to talk about it with anyone. A guidance counselor at her school could be a good option.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I plan on getting a job this summer. I want to save up some money and try to invest it on a small scale. I would like to put some money away and watch it grow, but I am not sure if that is the best option for me. As a college student, I find it difficult to get started learning about how to manage money. What do you think a young student should do with the savings he or she does not plan on spending any time soon? -- Making Mountains out of Molehills, Denver

DEAR MAKING MOUNTAINS OUT OF MOLEHILLS: Congratulations on thinking ahead! Investing money this early in your life is one of the smartest decisions you can make. To make the right investment for your life, I recommend that you work with a financial adviser who can explain to you the pros and cons of different financial instruments. You can get a financial adviser from your bank or through an investment institution.

Since you are interested in learning about investing, you may also want to do some reading. A book that you may want to read is "The Early Investor: How Teens & Young Adults Can Become Wealthy," by Michael Zisa.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The boy I am taking to prom is from a different high school, and he recently got into an accident that resulted in the loss of some of his teeth and a part of his lip. He is getting surgery soon and will have new teeth for prom, but he will still have very visible scarring. Admittedly, I am superficial and want the attention on me at my senior prom, not on his injury. Is it inappropriate of me to ask him to wear makeup to conceal his wounds? -- Covering Up, Naples, Florida

DEAR COVERING UP: Let's start by giving thanks that your date was not hurt worse and that he is even available to attend to the prom with you. The damage to his face suggests that this was a very bad accident. You would be wise to adopt an attitude of gratitude that he would even consider going to a public function after this.

Apart from your vanity, which could use some checking, let's look at your question strategically. Because your date goes to another school, he won't be getting as much attention as you, anyway. So your job is to make sure he feels comfortable. While it is your prom, it is not all about you. To the issue of makeup, if offered appropriately, it could be kind of you to suggest that you can help him to feel more at ease by applying concealer on his scars (if they no longer have any open wounds) to make them more subtle. Your reason for wanting to give him these touch-ups, though, should be to make him feel better, not you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is known as someone who always flakes on plans. She cancels, forgets or is late, and she seems to think the world is waiting for her most of the time. However, when someone cancels plans with her, she badmouths them and expects everyone else's sympathy. Is there any way to show her she exasperates us the same way when she bails on plans? -- It Works Both Ways, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR IT WORKS BOTH WAYS: When people behave unconsciously, they typically do things like your friend. Her lack of awareness of how her actions affect others reflects her disconnection to how she feels when others aren't sensitive to her. She needs to open her eyes.

This may require that you and your friends call her on her behavior every time. That could mean that you tell her that if she doesn't show up on time or at all for your next agreed-upon meeting, you won't be agreeing to meet her anymore. This may prompt an emotional reaction from her, which could be perfect because it may open the door to an honest conversation. You need to tell her that it hurts your feelings when she doesn't respect your time. Add that it is unbelievable to you that she would talk badly about anyone who cancels plans with her, given her track record. Ask her if you can agree to start over. What that would look like is her making a conscious effort to show up for her commitments.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)