DEAR HARRIETTE: The boy I am taking to prom is from a different high school, and he recently got into an accident that resulted in the loss of some of his teeth and a part of his lip. He is getting surgery soon and will have new teeth for prom, but he will still have very visible scarring. Admittedly, I am superficial and want the attention on me at my senior prom, not on his injury. Is it inappropriate of me to ask him to wear makeup to conceal his wounds? -- Covering Up, Naples, Florida

DEAR COVERING UP: Let's start by giving thanks that your date was not hurt worse and that he is even available to attend to the prom with you. The damage to his face suggests that this was a very bad accident. You would be wise to adopt an attitude of gratitude that he would even consider going to a public function after this.

Apart from your vanity, which could use some checking, let's look at your question strategically. Because your date goes to another school, he won't be getting as much attention as you, anyway. So your job is to make sure he feels comfortable. While it is your prom, it is not all about you. To the issue of makeup, if offered appropriately, it could be kind of you to suggest that you can help him to feel more at ease by applying concealer on his scars (if they no longer have any open wounds) to make them more subtle. Your reason for wanting to give him these touch-ups, though, should be to make him feel better, not you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is known as someone who always flakes on plans. She cancels, forgets or is late, and she seems to think the world is waiting for her most of the time. However, when someone cancels plans with her, she badmouths them and expects everyone else's sympathy. Is there any way to show her she exasperates us the same way when she bails on plans? -- It Works Both Ways, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR IT WORKS BOTH WAYS: When people behave unconsciously, they typically do things like your friend. Her lack of awareness of how her actions affect others reflects her disconnection to how she feels when others aren't sensitive to her. She needs to open her eyes.

This may require that you and your friends call her on her behavior every time. That could mean that you tell her that if she doesn't show up on time or at all for your next agreed-upon meeting, you won't be agreeing to meet her anymore. This may prompt an emotional reaction from her, which could be perfect because it may open the door to an honest conversation. You need to tell her that it hurts your feelings when she doesn't respect your time. Add that it is unbelievable to you that she would talk badly about anyone who cancels plans with her, given her track record. Ask her if you can agree to start over. What that would look like is her making a conscious effort to show up for her commitments.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is very candid, and dinners are always hilarious and talkative. My boyfriend's family, however, is more conservative, and I find myself avoiding spending time with them because I am afraid to say something they find inappropriate. I don't want to seem standoffish by not speaking much, but I also want to make sure I do not step on anyone's toes. They tend to talk about sports and politics, neither of which I am particularly interested in. Is there any way to bring my own interests to the table, or should I just brush up on sports and speak when spoken to? -- Fitting In, Laurelton, Maryland

DEAR FITTING IN: Start by boning up on the topics that interest your boyfriend's family. That will show them that you care about their thoughts and are willing to join their conversation. This should begin to create a level of ease in the conversation. If there is something in the news that interests you, introduce the idea and see how it floats. Start out by choosing conversation starters that are not hot-button issues like race, religion or politics. It is good for your boyfriend's family to get to know you and your voice. It is also important for you to appreciate your family's dynamic and accept that it is completely different from his.

DEAR HARRIETTE: With summer coming up, my friends are excited to have fun together. However, not everyone's idea of fun is similar, and I think some people bring the group morale down by complaining about being active and preferring to stay inside. For example, people who hate exercising will go on a hiking trip because they fear missing out, yet they complain the whole time. Is there a polite way to not invite these people, or do I conveniently schedule an excursion when I know the buzz kills will be busy? -- Editing the Experience, Chicago

DEAR EDITING THE EXPERIENCE: Whoever is organizing an activity should accept the responsibility of crafting it so that it will be fun for the people who will attend. This may mean that more than one activity should be designed, and not everybody gets invited to everything. Guess what? You can be upfront about this. For a trip to a lake or the beach or an evening going from a restaurant to a club, you invite the people who will appreciate that. For the more adventurous activities that include physical exertion, only invite the friends who will take advantage of the opportunity to be physically active.

If the complainers get wind of the activity and approach you about why they weren't invited, be frank with them and explain that you invited them to the activities you know they would enjoy but spared them the ones they would not. If you get additional pushback that they would have come to the physically challenging event anyway, point out to them that in the past when they have tagged along, they have complained the whole time -- which is not fun for the rest of the group.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In the world of college students, the social life can get pretty tough. While on this journey, I have come across some kids who are more well-off than others. One of my friends continuously shows off what she has and spends large amounts of money in front of another friend who is not as fortunate. It has been bothering this other friend of mine. I do not know whether I should confront my flashy friend or continue not saying anything when these moments occur. How do I approach this situation without losing my friend? -- Hush Her Up, Denver

DEAR HUSH HER UP: Do not be a bystander in this situation. By all means, speak up. Pull your better-off friend aside and tell her that you are disturbed by the way she throws money around in front of other people, particularly your friend who lives much more modestly. Inform her that her behavior makes everyone uncomfortable and probably makes that one friend feel inadequate. Tell her you think that what she is doing is rude and probably unconscious, but she should stop. You can turn the tables and ask her how she would feel if someone was constantly showing off and bragging in front of her.

Finally, if your friend continues to misbehave in this manner, walk away and take the others with you as soon as she starts. She may get the message if she instantly loses her audience!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a distant cousin whom I do not know very well. Her family has asked for me to allow her to stay with me for two weeks over the summer. While I am all for helping out family, I am hesitant to agree to this, considering that I do not really know this girl very well. She also does not speak much English. She is visiting the United States from Japan. It would be like allowing a stranger to live with me for half a month. I am leaning toward not having her stay with me mostly because I do not have time to show her around due to my job. How do I deal with this situation without causing any rifts in my family? My brother stayed with her for a year awhile back when he visited Japan. Oh, it's complicated. -- Taking Family In, Boston

DEAR TAKING FAMILY IN: You already know my answer: You should welcome your cousin with open arms. Make it clear before she comes what your schedule is like so that you manage her expectations. Commit to yourself that you will work hard to get to know her.

Make a schedule that allows for you to show her some things as you also give her information about tourist attractions she can visit on her own. Arrange for a family member or someone else who speaks fluent Japanese to be on call if you need help with translation. Choose to enjoy this time with your cousin!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)