DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate and I recently made the bad decision of getting a dog in our apartment. Before we got the puppy, we both agreed to have "shared custody" of the pet. A month later, unsurprisingly, I am the only one who is doing the dirty work like cleaning, feeding and walking our dog. Every time I confront her about this, she denies not doing any of the work. I have confronted her several times since then, and there have been no changes. What should I do or say to my roommate to get her to do her share of the work without causing too much tension? -- Lopsided Care, Syracuse, New York

DEAR LOPSIDED CARE: Sadly, you cannot force your roommate to care for the dog, even though you made an agreement. Your story is all too familiar, even as it sounds childish. This is typically what little children do when they beg their parents for a pet and never lift a finger to care for it. In their case, they may have privileges taken away.

In your case, you may want to charge her for the services that you provide. Find out how much a dog walker gets paid in your area, and charge her 50 percent of that cost per week. How much does a groomer cost, etc.? If you present her with a weekly bill that reflects the services she agreed to provide, you may end up starting an honest conversation, though it is doubtful that she will fork over the money. If you have a shared bill from which you can deduct that amount, you can try recouping your loss that way. Just make sure that you don't put your electricity or rent in jeopardy doing so.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is in a long-term relationship with a boy who is shorter than her. I do not think height should be seen as an issue, but she denies the obvious height difference between them and goes on to make fun of girls who date shorter guys. I know she is using the mocking as an outlet for her insecurities, but it creates an elephant in the room. I have tried to discuss height differences in a positive light out of the context of her and her boyfriend, but she is still rude about it. Should I let her continue to project her insecurities or privately tell her that she can stop pretending and that it's OK her boyfriend is shorter than her? -- Height Differences, Seattle

DEAR HEIGHT DIFFERENCES: Now is the time to stop tiptoeing around that elephant. Privately tell her that you believe that it makes her uncomfortable that her boyfriend is shorter than she is. Why? Because she is constantly pointing out -- in a derogatory manner -- reflective relationships, i.e. couples who are similar to her and her boyfriend. Tell her how rude it is to make the judgmental comments that she makes about these couples. Ask her if she realizes that she is talking about herself. Plead with her to stop saying these things. It is not only mean to those people, it is hypocritical.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Memorial Day! Today represents the unofficial launch of the summer season for families across the country. More, it is a moment for all of us to remember those who have served in the armed forces on behalf of our great nation.

This year, I am thinking about the many ways that people say thank you to members of the armed forces. For decades, popular entertainers have gone overseas, often in harm's way, to bring cheer to those military personnel who were deployed in various parts of the world. I recall back as far as comedian Bob Hope's days and how committed he was to visiting the troops and making them laugh, if only for a few minutes.

So many of us are connected directly to the military, even though we have not had the requirement of service like many other nations, including England and Israel. My father, the Honorable Harry A. Cole, was an officer in the United States Army in World War II. My late uncle, Wendell G. Freeland, was a Tuskegee Airman. My husband's nephew, Terrence Chin, currently serves in the Army. And the list goes on.

Why am I naming people? Because I want to encourage you to do the same. Remember the people from your family legacy who have served in the military. Say their names out loud. If these people are no longer living, ask relatives to share stories with you about their time in service. Invoke their memory by recounting those stories. For those military family members who are either in service or retired, reach out to them to find out how they are doing. Ask them to tell you stories of their experiences. Listen with focus so that you can receive all that they have to offer and provide support and love as best you can.

If you notice that your living veteran needs support of any kind, encourage that person to contact Veterans Affairs. Any vet in need can contact the Veterans Crisis Line via veteranscrisisline.net or by calling 1-800-273-8255.

On this day that has been set aside to remember our military, I encourage you to take a few minutes to reach out to other military members beyond your personal military contacts. Stories abound about how touched our military personnel can become when they are far from home and they receive an acknowledgment of their service, even when it comes from someone they don't know. For many years, people have written letters to that end. Spread some love by writing a letter or two. Here's a website that makes this action super easy: amillionthanks.org/send_a_letter.php.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned from my son's school that he is not doing as well in math as we had hoped. He doesn't have to go to summer school, but it would be helpful for him to have support so that he could do better next year. We have already set him up in a number of programs for the summer, all of which are fun-based. Now I realize that we have to add tutoring. How do I break it down to him so that he will pay attention and do the real work when he expects to have the summer off to just have fun? -- Getting to the Point, Detroit

DEAR GETTING TO THE POINT: Before summer starts, sit down with your son and review his grades and whatever additional information you have gathered from his school. Ask your son to talk to you about how he has done in class. Do your best to get him to talk about where he may need support. If you can create a safe space in your conversation that allows your son to open up about his academic life, it will be easier to establish buy-in for the tutoring.

Talk to your son about the schedule you have put in place for him for the summer. Point out that you have added regular tutoring hours to it, based on his academic performance this year. Do not make it seem like tutoring is a punishment. Instead, point out that it is a support to ensure that he is prepared to step into the next academic year fully prepared. Then monitor his activities throughout the summer, and be sure to have him complete his studies before he jumps into fun. That way he can enjoy the best of his whole summer experience.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been trying to find a friend from high school because I came across some old letters from him from back in the day. I was cleaning out my house, and when I found them, they made me happy. I have had so much loss in the past few years between family members passing and a few friends in my age group, I want to find this old friend. Anyhow, I have asked around, and I learned that he is incarcerated. I feel so bad for him. I also wonder if I should follow up and send him a note or even visit him. It took some digging, but I know exactly where he is. My worry is that if I contact him, I will then need to somehow be responsible for him. What should I do? -- Finding a Friend, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FINDING A FRIEND: You have gone far enough to figure out where this friend is. Don't stop now. Send him a letter telling him that you have been thinking about him and why. Enclose the letter that you found, if you like. Tell him that you wish him the best during this period of incarceration and that you want him to know that you are thinking hopeful thoughts for him.

You should expect to receive correspondence from him, and you may choose to become pen pals. You do not have to have an ongoing rapport with him, though. And you do not need to visit. Do what feels comfortable.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)