DEAR READERS: Happy Memorial Day! Today represents the unofficial launch of the summer season for families across the country. More, it is a moment for all of us to remember those who have served in the armed forces on behalf of our great nation.

This year, I am thinking about the many ways that people say thank you to members of the armed forces. For decades, popular entertainers have gone overseas, often in harm's way, to bring cheer to those military personnel who were deployed in various parts of the world. I recall back as far as comedian Bob Hope's days and how committed he was to visiting the troops and making them laugh, if only for a few minutes.

So many of us are connected directly to the military, even though we have not had the requirement of service like many other nations, including England and Israel. My father, the Honorable Harry A. Cole, was an officer in the United States Army in World War II. My late uncle, Wendell G. Freeland, was a Tuskegee Airman. My husband's nephew, Terrence Chin, currently serves in the Army. And the list goes on.

Why am I naming people? Because I want to encourage you to do the same. Remember the people from your family legacy who have served in the military. Say their names out loud. If these people are no longer living, ask relatives to share stories with you about their time in service. Invoke their memory by recounting those stories. For those military family members who are either in service or retired, reach out to them to find out how they are doing. Ask them to tell you stories of their experiences. Listen with focus so that you can receive all that they have to offer and provide support and love as best you can.

If you notice that your living veteran needs support of any kind, encourage that person to contact Veterans Affairs. Any vet in need can contact the Veterans Crisis Line via veteranscrisisline.net or by calling 1-800-273-8255.

On this day that has been set aside to remember our military, I encourage you to take a few minutes to reach out to other military members beyond your personal military contacts. Stories abound about how touched our military personnel can become when they are far from home and they receive an acknowledgment of their service, even when it comes from someone they don't know. For many years, people have written letters to that end. Spread some love by writing a letter or two. Here's a website that makes this action super easy: amillionthanks.org/send_a_letter.php.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned from my son's school that he is not doing as well in math as we had hoped. He doesn't have to go to summer school, but it would be helpful for him to have support so that he could do better next year. We have already set him up in a number of programs for the summer, all of which are fun-based. Now I realize that we have to add tutoring. How do I break it down to him so that he will pay attention and do the real work when he expects to have the summer off to just have fun? -- Getting to the Point, Detroit

DEAR GETTING TO THE POINT: Before summer starts, sit down with your son and review his grades and whatever additional information you have gathered from his school. Ask your son to talk to you about how he has done in class. Do your best to get him to talk about where he may need support. If you can create a safe space in your conversation that allows your son to open up about his academic life, it will be easier to establish buy-in for the tutoring.

Talk to your son about the schedule you have put in place for him for the summer. Point out that you have added regular tutoring hours to it, based on his academic performance this year. Do not make it seem like tutoring is a punishment. Instead, point out that it is a support to ensure that he is prepared to step into the next academic year fully prepared. Then monitor his activities throughout the summer, and be sure to have him complete his studies before he jumps into fun. That way he can enjoy the best of his whole summer experience.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been trying to find a friend from high school because I came across some old letters from him from back in the day. I was cleaning out my house, and when I found them, they made me happy. I have had so much loss in the past few years between family members passing and a few friends in my age group, I want to find this old friend. Anyhow, I have asked around, and I learned that he is incarcerated. I feel so bad for him. I also wonder if I should follow up and send him a note or even visit him. It took some digging, but I know exactly where he is. My worry is that if I contact him, I will then need to somehow be responsible for him. What should I do? -- Finding a Friend, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FINDING A FRIEND: You have gone far enough to figure out where this friend is. Don't stop now. Send him a letter telling him that you have been thinking about him and why. Enclose the letter that you found, if you like. Tell him that you wish him the best during this period of incarceration and that you want him to know that you are thinking hopeful thoughts for him.

You should expect to receive correspondence from him, and you may choose to become pen pals. You do not have to have an ongoing rapport with him, though. And you do not need to visit. Do what feels comfortable.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 8-year-old son is driving me bananas. He constantly leaves his bath towel pretty much anywhere in the house except where it belongs -- in the bathroom. I have reminded him time and again, and I have taken away privileges if he doesn't remember to put it back in the bathroom: Nothing seems to work. I am up to my ears in frustration about this. I don't want a wet towel on my bed or on the floor in his room. Why can't I get the point across so that he can follow directions? -- Towel Dry, Bronx, New York

DEAR TOWEL DRY: I hear your frustration screaming through your words. And I understand. Our children can push our buttons, and when that happens, it seems impossible for us to get them to understand the value of whatever lesson we are attempting to teach.

While the knee-jerk reaction may be to punish a child for not following directions, especially after having been reminded over and over again, there is another approach. I went to a seminar conducted by parenting coach Shelly McDonald, who suggests that threats and punishments never work. Based on the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber, McDonald encourages establishing respectful connection with your children rather than reprimands or blame.

As far as the wet towel is concerned, her approach would be to point out the reality -- there is a wet towel on the floor. Often, children recognize what to do after such a simple, non-judgmental revelation. Or saying the word "towel" could jumpstart the child to action, as opposed to, "I am sick and tired of having to pick up your towel all the time." By keeping your calm and guiding your child to right action without judgment, you stand a better chance of reaching your goal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends has been struggling with her self-image for many years. This struggle has caused her to do things such as crash diets. I thought that with age, these problems would go away. Instead, they have only gotten worse. These diets have gotten more intense as the years have gone by, and I am worried about what this might be doing to her health. I have brought up my concerns to her multiple times, but it always ends badly. How do I get my friend to love herself and begin treating her body right? -- Friendly Support, Los Angeles

DEAR FRIENDLY SUPPORT: The sad truth is that you are virtually helpless in this situation because you have no power over your friend's actions. She needs professional help to get her to see the impact that her choices are having on her life.

You do not have the power to love your friend into healthy action. If her behavior is impacting negatively on you, you may have to step away from her. That doesn't mean you don't love her, but you may need to say that you cannot watch her kill herself. Tell her you are praying for her to get the help she needs.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)