DEAR HARRIETTE: My 8-year-old son is driving me bananas. He constantly leaves his bath towel pretty much anywhere in the house except where it belongs -- in the bathroom. I have reminded him time and again, and I have taken away privileges if he doesn't remember to put it back in the bathroom: Nothing seems to work. I am up to my ears in frustration about this. I don't want a wet towel on my bed or on the floor in his room. Why can't I get the point across so that he can follow directions? -- Towel Dry, Bronx, New York

DEAR TOWEL DRY: I hear your frustration screaming through your words. And I understand. Our children can push our buttons, and when that happens, it seems impossible for us to get them to understand the value of whatever lesson we are attempting to teach.

While the knee-jerk reaction may be to punish a child for not following directions, especially after having been reminded over and over again, there is another approach. I went to a seminar conducted by parenting coach Shelly McDonald, who suggests that threats and punishments never work. Based on the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber, McDonald encourages establishing respectful connection with your children rather than reprimands or blame.

As far as the wet towel is concerned, her approach would be to point out the reality -- there is a wet towel on the floor. Often, children recognize what to do after such a simple, non-judgmental revelation. Or saying the word "towel" could jumpstart the child to action, as opposed to, "I am sick and tired of having to pick up your towel all the time." By keeping your calm and guiding your child to right action without judgment, you stand a better chance of reaching your goal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends has been struggling with her self-image for many years. This struggle has caused her to do things such as crash diets. I thought that with age, these problems would go away. Instead, they have only gotten worse. These diets have gotten more intense as the years have gone by, and I am worried about what this might be doing to her health. I have brought up my concerns to her multiple times, but it always ends badly. How do I get my friend to love herself and begin treating her body right? -- Friendly Support, Los Angeles

DEAR FRIENDLY SUPPORT: The sad truth is that you are virtually helpless in this situation because you have no power over your friend's actions. She needs professional help to get her to see the impact that her choices are having on her life.

You do not have the power to love your friend into healthy action. If her behavior is impacting negatively on you, you may have to step away from her. That doesn't mean you don't love her, but you may need to say that you cannot watch her kill herself. Tell her you are praying for her to get the help she needs.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is nearing 32 and still living off her parents. She graduated from Yale and continued her studies at Duke as well as living abroad for a couple of years. But as the years passed, she was never able to commit to a job. I am worried that 10 more years will pass with nothing changing, and she will be left with no income. How do I approach her about getting her life together in a positive way? -- Being a Friend, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR BEING A FRIEND: Until your friend's parents stop enabling her, it will likely be extremely difficult for her to see the magnitude of her situation. On one hand, it is very generous of parents to support their adult children as they are completing their education and starting their lives. But at some point, it can become difficult for that adult child to learn how to be responsible and independent.

As a friend, you can attempt to talk to her about her choices. You might ask her about her dreams for the future. What does she want to do with her life? When does she plan to move out and be on her own? What can she do with the degrees she has? You can prompt discussion points, but she probably will not feel the pressure to "snap out of it" until she is pushed out of the family nest.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends lost his roommate several years ago, and a little while after the death of his roommate, he lost another friend unexpectedly. Since those events, he has been unable to open up to people, try new things or basically live his life. I know losing people is one of the toughest things a person can go through, but it's been some time, and I don't want to see these tragedies shape the rest of his life. I have wanted to help this friend move on with his life, but I am unsure how to approach the situation since it is such a tough subject to talk about. Please tell me how to help my friend deal with his losses while gaining back his life? -- Choose Life, Washington, D.C.

DEAR CHOOSE LIFE: I listened to a minister, Dr. Michael Moore from Faith Chapel Christian Center in Birmingham, Alabama, preaching a sermon about the difference between mourning and grieving that was fascinating to me. He explained that when one loses a loved one, it is natural to mourn. You feel the sense of loss and have to go through a process of letting go, shedding tears and then healing. Grieving, on the other hand, he described as a state of being stuck in the sadness. When that happens, it becomes impossible to allow faith into your life, and darkness quickly takes over.

Your friend sounds like he is stuck in the space of grieving. The best you can do is encourage him to get professional help. He probably needs both spiritual and mental guidance in order to be freed from the dark space he is currently occupying. You can also pray for him.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends constantly complains to me about her weight. It has even gotten to the point where she's begged me to do a workout plan with her, but then she skips exercising. She is not overweight: She probably wears a size 8, but she wants to be a size 2. Her family is hard on her about her weight, and she has admitted to buying "bad" food to eat alone in her car. Yet she still constantly contacts me, whining about how she cannot lose weight. I frequently see her eating large amounts of food that's unhealthy, and she doesn't seem to see a connection between her diet, exercise and weight. Is there a way I could tell her to stop lamenting about her weight to me if she isn't working toward her goals? -- Fed Up, Detroit

DEAR FED UP: Sit your friend down and go through the list of things that she has asked you to do to support her weight loss. Get her to see that you have done what she asked, but she has not, in turn, done it with you or by herself. Make it clear to her how frustrating it is for you to attempt to be there for her when she isn't showing up for herself.

You have to draw the line. Ask her to stop talking to you about her weight issues because you don't know how to help her. Suggest that she go to her doctor to get some guidance. She probably needs a psychologist to talk to about her habits. You can say that to her -- that you believe she needs professional help, and that you are not a professional.

The next time she brings up her weight to you, change the subject or physically leave.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently learned that someone I used to consider a close friend has been saying incredibly rude things about me and my relationship with my boyfriend behind my back. To be specific, she texted a mutual friend that, given the chance, she would sleep with my boyfriend regardless of knowing that he's my boyfriend. She tells me she loves me and that we're best friends to my face, but I don't understand how she can be so pathological. My boyfriend knows about this and thinks she's crazy. I am OK with ending the friendship, but should I tell her that I know how duplicitous she is? Do I owe her an explanation? -- Behind My Back, Rochester, New York

DEAR BEHIND MY BACK: You don't owe your former friend anything. Since she has made it clear to your mutual friend that she is willing to be disloyal to you, that's enough for you to walk away. What's important is for you and your boyfriend to be on the same page.

Resist the temptation to tell other people about her behavior. Even though it may be hard to bite your tongue, you don't want to be contributing to the negativity around her already, nor do you want your two names linked in any way.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)