DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is nearing 32 and still living off her parents. She graduated from Yale and continued her studies at Duke as well as living abroad for a couple of years. But as the years passed, she was never able to commit to a job. I am worried that 10 more years will pass with nothing changing, and she will be left with no income. How do I approach her about getting her life together in a positive way? -- Being a Friend, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR BEING A FRIEND: Until your friend's parents stop enabling her, it will likely be extremely difficult for her to see the magnitude of her situation. On one hand, it is very generous of parents to support their adult children as they are completing their education and starting their lives. But at some point, it can become difficult for that adult child to learn how to be responsible and independent.

As a friend, you can attempt to talk to her about her choices. You might ask her about her dreams for the future. What does she want to do with her life? When does she plan to move out and be on her own? What can she do with the degrees she has? You can prompt discussion points, but she probably will not feel the pressure to "snap out of it" until she is pushed out of the family nest.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends lost his roommate several years ago, and a little while after the death of his roommate, he lost another friend unexpectedly. Since those events, he has been unable to open up to people, try new things or basically live his life. I know losing people is one of the toughest things a person can go through, but it's been some time, and I don't want to see these tragedies shape the rest of his life. I have wanted to help this friend move on with his life, but I am unsure how to approach the situation since it is such a tough subject to talk about. Please tell me how to help my friend deal with his losses while gaining back his life? -- Choose Life, Washington, D.C.

DEAR CHOOSE LIFE: I listened to a minister, Dr. Michael Moore from Faith Chapel Christian Center in Birmingham, Alabama, preaching a sermon about the difference between mourning and grieving that was fascinating to me. He explained that when one loses a loved one, it is natural to mourn. You feel the sense of loss and have to go through a process of letting go, shedding tears and then healing. Grieving, on the other hand, he described as a state of being stuck in the sadness. When that happens, it becomes impossible to allow faith into your life, and darkness quickly takes over.

Your friend sounds like he is stuck in the space of grieving. The best you can do is encourage him to get professional help. He probably needs both spiritual and mental guidance in order to be freed from the dark space he is currently occupying. You can also pray for him.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends constantly complains to me about her weight. It has even gotten to the point where she's begged me to do a workout plan with her, but then she skips exercising. She is not overweight: She probably wears a size 8, but she wants to be a size 2. Her family is hard on her about her weight, and she has admitted to buying "bad" food to eat alone in her car. Yet she still constantly contacts me, whining about how she cannot lose weight. I frequently see her eating large amounts of food that's unhealthy, and she doesn't seem to see a connection between her diet, exercise and weight. Is there a way I could tell her to stop lamenting about her weight to me if she isn't working toward her goals? -- Fed Up, Detroit

DEAR FED UP: Sit your friend down and go through the list of things that she has asked you to do to support her weight loss. Get her to see that you have done what she asked, but she has not, in turn, done it with you or by herself. Make it clear to her how frustrating it is for you to attempt to be there for her when she isn't showing up for herself.

You have to draw the line. Ask her to stop talking to you about her weight issues because you don't know how to help her. Suggest that she go to her doctor to get some guidance. She probably needs a psychologist to talk to about her habits. You can say that to her -- that you believe she needs professional help, and that you are not a professional.

The next time she brings up her weight to you, change the subject or physically leave.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently learned that someone I used to consider a close friend has been saying incredibly rude things about me and my relationship with my boyfriend behind my back. To be specific, she texted a mutual friend that, given the chance, she would sleep with my boyfriend regardless of knowing that he's my boyfriend. She tells me she loves me and that we're best friends to my face, but I don't understand how she can be so pathological. My boyfriend knows about this and thinks she's crazy. I am OK with ending the friendship, but should I tell her that I know how duplicitous she is? Do I owe her an explanation? -- Behind My Back, Rochester, New York

DEAR BEHIND MY BACK: You don't owe your former friend anything. Since she has made it clear to your mutual friend that she is willing to be disloyal to you, that's enough for you to walk away. What's important is for you and your boyfriend to be on the same page.

Resist the temptation to tell other people about her behavior. Even though it may be hard to bite your tongue, you don't want to be contributing to the negativity around her already, nor do you want your two names linked in any way.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when your landlord and his wife are too loud when they are having sex? I live in a 1920s-style three-family home. I rent out the basement apartment, and my property owner and his wife live on the first floor. The husband is in his 80s, and his wife is in her mid-70s. Every Thursday morning around 9:30 a.m., they have their "session." When I heard them for the first time, I assumed they were moving furniture in their bedroom and thought nothing of it. I am wondering if I should say something about their Thursday morning activities, or should I just let them live? -- Scheduled Appointment, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR SCHEDULED APPOINTMENT: What you need to do is schedule your own appointment to do something for yourself that is not in the house. Since this couple has a schedule for their marital bliss, it makes it easy for you to avoid hearing it every time.

Good for them that in these advanced years they continue to be intimate with each other. May other mature couples rekindle the spark in their lives thanks to you sharing this couple's story!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single woman, and I recently turned 40. I am thinking about adopting a baby because I can supply the child with all the love and the necessary tools to be successful. However, I have some reservations; ideally, I would like to go through the process of having a child from my womb. My options are slim because the men I would like to date are intimidated by my career, which is the reason I am leaning toward adoption. Should I pursue the process of adoption or wait for Mr. Right to come and sweep me off my feet? -- Baby Fever, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR BABY FEVER: You have named three different potential issues. You need to make a decision about what you want. If your primary interest is in having a child, be clear about that. If you want to give birth to a baby, you may want to consider a sperm bank. Because of your age, I recommend that you first go to your OB-GYN to get evaluated on your chances of being able to get pregnant and give birth. I had my daughter at 42, so I do know that it is possible. Once you figure out the likelihood, you can decide if giving birth is preferable to adoption.

If you really want a relationship but have given up, revisit that. Make a list of the qualities that you would like in a partner. Be specific. You may not have met the right person for you because you have not clarified for yourself what "right" means. Also, make a list of your own qualities. Include the not-so-good ones. If you have things to work on so you can become a more appealing partner, focus on that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)