DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when your landlord and his wife are too loud when they are having sex? I live in a 1920s-style three-family home. I rent out the basement apartment, and my property owner and his wife live on the first floor. The husband is in his 80s, and his wife is in her mid-70s. Every Thursday morning around 9:30 a.m., they have their "session." When I heard them for the first time, I assumed they were moving furniture in their bedroom and thought nothing of it. I am wondering if I should say something about their Thursday morning activities, or should I just let them live? -- Scheduled Appointment, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR SCHEDULED APPOINTMENT: What you need to do is schedule your own appointment to do something for yourself that is not in the house. Since this couple has a schedule for their marital bliss, it makes it easy for you to avoid hearing it every time.

Good for them that in these advanced years they continue to be intimate with each other. May other mature couples rekindle the spark in their lives thanks to you sharing this couple's story!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single woman, and I recently turned 40. I am thinking about adopting a baby because I can supply the child with all the love and the necessary tools to be successful. However, I have some reservations; ideally, I would like to go through the process of having a child from my womb. My options are slim because the men I would like to date are intimidated by my career, which is the reason I am leaning toward adoption. Should I pursue the process of adoption or wait for Mr. Right to come and sweep me off my feet? -- Baby Fever, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR BABY FEVER: You have named three different potential issues. You need to make a decision about what you want. If your primary interest is in having a child, be clear about that. If you want to give birth to a baby, you may want to consider a sperm bank. Because of your age, I recommend that you first go to your OB-GYN to get evaluated on your chances of being able to get pregnant and give birth. I had my daughter at 42, so I do know that it is possible. Once you figure out the likelihood, you can decide if giving birth is preferable to adoption.

If you really want a relationship but have given up, revisit that. Make a list of the qualities that you would like in a partner. Be specific. You may not have met the right person for you because you have not clarified for yourself what "right" means. Also, make a list of your own qualities. Include the not-so-good ones. If you have things to work on so you can become a more appealing partner, focus on that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have been divorced for years and are happy with significant others. With my senior prom coming up, my mother decided that she would like me to not invite my father to a part of prom so her boyfriend can come. I do not know her boyfriend well, and I feel it is very selfish of her to decide my father will not be invited. Additionally, I am not sure if my father assumes his significant other is invited, and I would prefer she not come. How do I tell both of my parents that I would like them to come alone? -- My Prom Rules, Westchester, New York

DEAR MY PROM RULES: Start by talking to your mother. Tell her how excited you are about your prom and that you consider it to be a rite of passage. Explain to her that it would mean the world to you if both of your parents could witness it. For this reason, you do not want her to bring her boyfriend -- you want both her and your father present.

Similarly, contact your father and tell him what your desires are for your prom experience. Ask you parents to honor your request.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Any time I go out to eat with a friend of mine, she does not mention she didn't bring money until the check comes, and she asks me to "spot" her. This has happened multiple times, and I have been declining her offers to get a meal for the last several weeks because I do not want to end up paying for her and never getting my money back. Is there a way to confront her about constantly forgetting her wallet, or do I keep declining to eat with her until she gets the hint? -- No More Spotting, Dallas

DEAR NO MORE SPOTTING: It's time for you to drum up the courage to approach her about the money she owes you. Figure out how much it is, and ask for it. You can play it softly by saying that perhaps she forgot that she hadn't repaid you for the meals you spotted for her, so you are reminding her now.

You can also tell her that the reason you have been declining her recent invitations to go out to eat together is because she has not settled her debt with you or even brought it up. You don't want to put yourself back in the awkward situation of having to spot her again. Let her know that because she has not handled this situation with you, it is affecting your friendship.

If she tries to make light of it, tell her that it's not so much about the money. If she had asked you in advance if you could pay for a meal because she can't afford it right now, then you would be able to make a decision. What she has done is back you into a corner, and you do not appreciate it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a fashion swap at the home of one of my co-workers. The gathered ladies had a lot of fun, and we walked away with some interesting things. When I got home and reviewed my loot, I must say I was a bit disappointed. In the frenzy of the moment, I selected a bunch of things that, in the light of day, look dated, worn or otherwise not really for me. I don't want to throw them out, but I'm not sure what to do. The next swap isn't for a few months. Plus, I'm not sure if it would seem rude to bring stuff back. What should I do? -- Bad Swap, Syracuse, New York

DEAR BAD SWAP: Don't give it another thought. Go directly to your local charity, either a church, Salvation Army or Goodwill, and give the clothes away. You can get a tax write-off receipt if you choose. There is no need to hold onto the items until the next swap. And you're right: It could seem awkward.

Know that whoever brought those items to the swap was ready to get rid of them. You just don't happen to be the final owner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved into my apartment building six months ago. I came from Charlotte, North Carolina, where everybody is pretty friendly. Even when they aren't chummy, they tend to be hospitable. It has taken some time before I have even gotten to meet many of my neighbors. Either they are rarely at home (I work from home), or they are private. I have invited a few people over for coffee, drinks or dinner so that I could get to know them, but mostly they have not returned the favor. I'm not sure why. I am friendly and gregarious, but I can't help but wonder why nobody else is.

The other night I noticed that one of my neighbors on my floor had a party and didn't invite me. I know they don't have to include me, but I can't help but feel a certain way if nobody has opened their doors to me. What can I do to shift this? -- Shut In, New York City

DEAR SHUT IN: One of the commonalities about living in Manhattan is that when people come home, they often retreat behind closed doors -- immediately. Many New Yorkers do not know their neighbors, including the people who live next door.

Is that a good thing? Of course not. But it is normal. I think it may have to do with how many people live in the city. Carving out a space for yourself can sometimes require putting on blinders.

Since you do not want to live like that, the best you can do is to continue to invite people to your house. Perhaps one day they will do the same. If not, enjoy the moments you share with your neighbors and others who graciously accept your invitation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)