DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have been divorced for years and are happy with significant others. With my senior prom coming up, my mother decided that she would like me to not invite my father to a part of prom so her boyfriend can come. I do not know her boyfriend well, and I feel it is very selfish of her to decide my father will not be invited. Additionally, I am not sure if my father assumes his significant other is invited, and I would prefer she not come. How do I tell both of my parents that I would like them to come alone? -- My Prom Rules, Westchester, New York

DEAR MY PROM RULES: Start by talking to your mother. Tell her how excited you are about your prom and that you consider it to be a rite of passage. Explain to her that it would mean the world to you if both of your parents could witness it. For this reason, you do not want her to bring her boyfriend -- you want both her and your father present.

Similarly, contact your father and tell him what your desires are for your prom experience. Ask you parents to honor your request.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Any time I go out to eat with a friend of mine, she does not mention she didn't bring money until the check comes, and she asks me to "spot" her. This has happened multiple times, and I have been declining her offers to get a meal for the last several weeks because I do not want to end up paying for her and never getting my money back. Is there a way to confront her about constantly forgetting her wallet, or do I keep declining to eat with her until she gets the hint? -- No More Spotting, Dallas

DEAR NO MORE SPOTTING: It's time for you to drum up the courage to approach her about the money she owes you. Figure out how much it is, and ask for it. You can play it softly by saying that perhaps she forgot that she hadn't repaid you for the meals you spotted for her, so you are reminding her now.

You can also tell her that the reason you have been declining her recent invitations to go out to eat together is because she has not settled her debt with you or even brought it up. You don't want to put yourself back in the awkward situation of having to spot her again. Let her know that because she has not handled this situation with you, it is affecting your friendship.

If she tries to make light of it, tell her that it's not so much about the money. If she had asked you in advance if you could pay for a meal because she can't afford it right now, then you would be able to make a decision. What she has done is back you into a corner, and you do not appreciate it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a fashion swap at the home of one of my co-workers. The gathered ladies had a lot of fun, and we walked away with some interesting things. When I got home and reviewed my loot, I must say I was a bit disappointed. In the frenzy of the moment, I selected a bunch of things that, in the light of day, look dated, worn or otherwise not really for me. I don't want to throw them out, but I'm not sure what to do. The next swap isn't for a few months. Plus, I'm not sure if it would seem rude to bring stuff back. What should I do? -- Bad Swap, Syracuse, New York

DEAR BAD SWAP: Don't give it another thought. Go directly to your local charity, either a church, Salvation Army or Goodwill, and give the clothes away. You can get a tax write-off receipt if you choose. There is no need to hold onto the items until the next swap. And you're right: It could seem awkward.

Know that whoever brought those items to the swap was ready to get rid of them. You just don't happen to be the final owner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved into my apartment building six months ago. I came from Charlotte, North Carolina, where everybody is pretty friendly. Even when they aren't chummy, they tend to be hospitable. It has taken some time before I have even gotten to meet many of my neighbors. Either they are rarely at home (I work from home), or they are private. I have invited a few people over for coffee, drinks or dinner so that I could get to know them, but mostly they have not returned the favor. I'm not sure why. I am friendly and gregarious, but I can't help but wonder why nobody else is.

The other night I noticed that one of my neighbors on my floor had a party and didn't invite me. I know they don't have to include me, but I can't help but feel a certain way if nobody has opened their doors to me. What can I do to shift this? -- Shut In, New York City

DEAR SHUT IN: One of the commonalities about living in Manhattan is that when people come home, they often retreat behind closed doors -- immediately. Many New Yorkers do not know their neighbors, including the people who live next door.

Is that a good thing? Of course not. But it is normal. I think it may have to do with how many people live in the city. Carving out a space for yourself can sometimes require putting on blinders.

Since you do not want to live like that, the best you can do is to continue to invite people to your house. Perhaps one day they will do the same. If not, enjoy the moments you share with your neighbors and others who graciously accept your invitation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so afraid for my sons. I have two teenage boys, and every day they go outside I worry because there are just too many black boys being killed. Sometimes the killers are police. Other times they are neighbors, gang members or seemingly random people. It's so crazy that I don't even know what to tell them any more. I don't want them to be afraid, nor do I want to be. But I can't bear the news out there. Too many boys who look like my sons have been slaughtered meaninglessly and their killers not brought to justice. What can I do? -- Protect My Boys, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR PROTECT MY BOYS: If there is any good news on this tenuous front, it may be from Baltimore, where there has been so much unrest after Freddie Gray, a young black man, died in policy custody. After a groundswell of protests, including unfortunate incidents of looting and burning, charges have been brought against the officers who arrested Gray. This says to me that there is a greater chance that probable cause will be considered when it comes to the murder of young black men in police custody. Obviously this is one incident, but leading up to it there have been many -- even in the past year -- that have not even led to arrest.

With a glimmer of hope on the horizon, you also have the reality of caring for your sons. Teach them the lessons that have been resonating throughout our nation. When approached by police, do not run, do not raise your voice, do not reach into your pockets. Speak as little as possible, and follow directions.

As it relates to others, do your best to keep good company. Do not put yourself in a situation that could be questionable from a legal perspective or a safety point of view. Pay attention to your surroundings, and leave immediately if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Do not travel alone at night for any reason. Walk with dignity, and believe in yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had the idea of surprising my dad with a visit. I live across the country and was scheduled to be in his town for work. He and my mom are divorced, so I don't see him too often, even though I think of us as close. We talk every week like clockwork. So I showed up at his door and rang the bell, and wouldn't you know it, a woman answered the door. I was shocked. He hasn't said a thing about a girlfriend -- not that he has to, but this woman looked like she was pretty comfortable in his house. He wasn't home, and I opted not to stay. I left town the next day. Like I said, it was a business trip. Now it's weird. I'm not sure how to address this with my dad. -- Having the Conversation, Los Angeles

DEAR HAVING THE CONVERSATION: Be an adult, and be direct. Call your father. Tell him you came to visit him as a surprise, and you were the one who ended up being surprised. Ask him who the woman is who answered the door.

While it's not really your business, if you talk to your father respectfully he may tell you -- and include why he hasn't told you before. Go for it!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)