DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a fashion swap at the home of one of my co-workers. The gathered ladies had a lot of fun, and we walked away with some interesting things. When I got home and reviewed my loot, I must say I was a bit disappointed. In the frenzy of the moment, I selected a bunch of things that, in the light of day, look dated, worn or otherwise not really for me. I don't want to throw them out, but I'm not sure what to do. The next swap isn't for a few months. Plus, I'm not sure if it would seem rude to bring stuff back. What should I do? -- Bad Swap, Syracuse, New York

DEAR BAD SWAP: Don't give it another thought. Go directly to your local charity, either a church, Salvation Army or Goodwill, and give the clothes away. You can get a tax write-off receipt if you choose. There is no need to hold onto the items until the next swap. And you're right: It could seem awkward.

Know that whoever brought those items to the swap was ready to get rid of them. You just don't happen to be the final owner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved into my apartment building six months ago. I came from Charlotte, North Carolina, where everybody is pretty friendly. Even when they aren't chummy, they tend to be hospitable. It has taken some time before I have even gotten to meet many of my neighbors. Either they are rarely at home (I work from home), or they are private. I have invited a few people over for coffee, drinks or dinner so that I could get to know them, but mostly they have not returned the favor. I'm not sure why. I am friendly and gregarious, but I can't help but wonder why nobody else is.

The other night I noticed that one of my neighbors on my floor had a party and didn't invite me. I know they don't have to include me, but I can't help but feel a certain way if nobody has opened their doors to me. What can I do to shift this? -- Shut In, New York City

DEAR SHUT IN: One of the commonalities about living in Manhattan is that when people come home, they often retreat behind closed doors -- immediately. Many New Yorkers do not know their neighbors, including the people who live next door.

Is that a good thing? Of course not. But it is normal. I think it may have to do with how many people live in the city. Carving out a space for yourself can sometimes require putting on blinders.

Since you do not want to live like that, the best you can do is to continue to invite people to your house. Perhaps one day they will do the same. If not, enjoy the moments you share with your neighbors and others who graciously accept your invitation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so afraid for my sons. I have two teenage boys, and every day they go outside I worry because there are just too many black boys being killed. Sometimes the killers are police. Other times they are neighbors, gang members or seemingly random people. It's so crazy that I don't even know what to tell them any more. I don't want them to be afraid, nor do I want to be. But I can't bear the news out there. Too many boys who look like my sons have been slaughtered meaninglessly and their killers not brought to justice. What can I do? -- Protect My Boys, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR PROTECT MY BOYS: If there is any good news on this tenuous front, it may be from Baltimore, where there has been so much unrest after Freddie Gray, a young black man, died in policy custody. After a groundswell of protests, including unfortunate incidents of looting and burning, charges have been brought against the officers who arrested Gray. This says to me that there is a greater chance that probable cause will be considered when it comes to the murder of young black men in police custody. Obviously this is one incident, but leading up to it there have been many -- even in the past year -- that have not even led to arrest.

With a glimmer of hope on the horizon, you also have the reality of caring for your sons. Teach them the lessons that have been resonating throughout our nation. When approached by police, do not run, do not raise your voice, do not reach into your pockets. Speak as little as possible, and follow directions.

As it relates to others, do your best to keep good company. Do not put yourself in a situation that could be questionable from a legal perspective or a safety point of view. Pay attention to your surroundings, and leave immediately if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Do not travel alone at night for any reason. Walk with dignity, and believe in yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had the idea of surprising my dad with a visit. I live across the country and was scheduled to be in his town for work. He and my mom are divorced, so I don't see him too often, even though I think of us as close. We talk every week like clockwork. So I showed up at his door and rang the bell, and wouldn't you know it, a woman answered the door. I was shocked. He hasn't said a thing about a girlfriend -- not that he has to, but this woman looked like she was pretty comfortable in his house. He wasn't home, and I opted not to stay. I left town the next day. Like I said, it was a business trip. Now it's weird. I'm not sure how to address this with my dad. -- Having the Conversation, Los Angeles

DEAR HAVING THE CONVERSATION: Be an adult, and be direct. Call your father. Tell him you came to visit him as a surprise, and you were the one who ended up being surprised. Ask him who the woman is who answered the door.

While it's not really your business, if you talk to your father respectfully he may tell you -- and include why he hasn't told you before. Go for it!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 15-year-old daughter is having a hard time at school. She once got along with most of the girls and boys in her class, but now she seems to be ostracized by the lot of them. I know how girls can be. I had my fair share of torment from girls in my high school when I was growing up. The thing is, I do not know what to do to protect my daughter or even to guide her to a safe place. These girls are relentless. They either taunt my daughter or ignore her; at least that's what I can get out of her when she will talk. I want to do something, but my daughter has begged me not to say anything. How can I help her? -- Protecting My Girl, Seattle

DEAR PROTECTING MY GIRL: Keep the conversation going with your daughter by telling your own stories and those of other girls from your past who may have had similar experiences. Be sure to describe how you handled them, who helped you, what mistakes you think you made and what you might have done differently. Let her know that she is not alone, even as this is a very traumatic time for her.

Do your best to get her to talk to you. Listen for experiences that she is having that may seem dangerous. Monitor her whereabouts. Make sure she has a phone with tracking on it so that you can come to the rescue if needed. Check out her room thoroughly to look for indications of depression or drug or alcohol use. Some children who are taunted end up in those situations.

Finally, even though your daughter does not want you to talk to her school, if you fear for her safety, it is your duty to speak up. You can request a confidential meeting with the principal or guidance counselor to ask them to be on the lookout for your daughter and to intervene if it seems necessary.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My doorman and my ex-boyfriend got to be pretty close. My boyfriend and I were together for four years, and for a lot of that time, he basically lived with me. So our breakup was really bad. He cheated on me in my apartment, and when I caught him, I threw him out. This was about four months ago. Almost every day my doorman asks me about my ex. I told him early on that we broke up, but he can't seem to let it go. Should I tell him what my ex did to me? Sometimes I feel like my doorman is blaming me because we aren't together anymore. -- Shush the Doorman, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SHUSH THE DOORMAN: Tell your doorman that you know he misses your ex, but that he is gone -- for good. Tell him it was a painful breakup for you, your boyfriend was not honorable and you don't want to talk about him. Ask your doorman to refrain from bringing up his name again.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)