DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a guy for several months now, and he just told me two completely different things. First, he almost proposed. He told me how much he cares for me and that he thinks he wants to spend his life with me. Wow, right? But then he also told me that his mother is ill, and he has to move back home indefinitely to take care of her. She is more than a thousand miles away in Louisiana. Really? He said he knew this would be a crazy thing to hear, but then he asked me if I would be willing to move to Louisiana with him. Nice, I guess, except he didn't propose. If I were to do that, which I might like, it would have to be with some clarity about what we are doing together. Given how fragile his mother's situation is, am I wrong to want to know what his plans are for us? -- Next Steps, Boston

DEAR NEXT STEPS: How about if you step back for a minute and assess the scenario from your own point of view. Do you want to spend your life with him? Do you want to get married? Do you want to get married to him? Can you afford to move to another town? Do you think you can find a job there? Has he said he will support you and his mother? What expectations would there be for your role in his mother's care? How do you feel about that?

These are some of the questions you need to be asking yourself and discussing with him. If you want to be with him and are prepared to have a real conversation about what you both want -- not just what he wants -- you will be able to gain clarity about what you should do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my boyfriend of one year asked his best friend, who just came into town to visit, if he wanted to do a three-way with me. I couldn't believe it. We have never had that kind of conversation, let alone experience. I am so embarrassed that he would even think that is a good idea.

I found out because my boyfriend's friend told me. I think he was trying to figure out if I was game. It is so awkward now because it looks like my boyfriend and I don't have our stuff together. How can I fix this? -- Menage a None, Dallas

DEAR MENAGE A NONE: Guess what? You and your boyfriend do not have your stuff together! It's true. The good news is, you know that now. If you and your boyfriend have such divergent values on such an important topic, it is worth a moment of pause. Separate from his friend, talk to him. Ask him why he suggested this activity with his friend and what made him think you would go for it. Tell him that you were offended, hurt and caught off guard when his friend mentioned it to you.

Lay out the facts about your feelings on intimacy, exclusivity and friend bonds. Talk them through in order to decide whether the relationship is worth salvaging.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently joined an organization that is going through a lot of changes. One of the board members never shows up for meetings, or when he does, he is late and often hasn't done what he has agreed to do. It is a real drag on the rest of us who are working hard to do our parts. The bigger problem is that nobody wants to say anything to this guy because he's a powerful leader in our community, and he has been on this board for a long time. What is the proper way to address someone like this? I want to be respectful and also get results. -- Looking for Strategy, Washington, D.C.

DEAR LOOKING FOR STRATEGY: Start by speaking to the board president about protocol. Are there rules in place for members who do not carry their weight? Point out your concerns about this particular board member, and ask if the board president would be willing to speak to him privately about his conduct. Depending upon the size of the board, it may be that even though this person is not contributing as much as some of the others, what he does contribute is substantial enough to balance it out. That happens a lot on larger boards. It does not excuse his tardiness, of course, but it may point to why his behavior gets a pass.

One way to potentially get this fellow to be more engaged is to attempt a personal relationship with him. Ask if he will speak to you offline about one of the projects you are shepherding. Attempt to enlist his support in something that the board is doing, and see if your personal touch lures him back in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My children and family are so upset about the earthquakes that seem to be happening all over the world. The huge one that just hit Nepal that has killed so many people has us devastated, and there was another big one in Chile a couple of weeks ago. Now my kids are worried that it could happen to us. We live in California, after all, and we do have earthquakes. How do I console my children in such a horrible time? -- Afraid of Nature, Los Angeles

DEAR AFRAID OF NATURE: Acts of nature such as earthquakes have occurred through the generations. The big difference today is that we can see the effects of them on the news 24 hours a day because of technology.

To control this onslaught of messaging, limit your intake of images and stories about these disasters. This will help to establish balance in your children's lives. Yes, bad things happen every day, sometimes to catastrophic proportions, but people continue to live their daily lives. Additionally, you can contribute to disaster relief. Your children can help you select an organization that is committed to supporting the people in distress.

Finally, you will have to talk about where you live. Yes, earthquakes happen in your area regularly. Most of them are little more than a nuisance. But it is predicted that a big earthquake could befall your area in the future. Do not lie about that possibility as you also point out that natural disasters are part of life. Do your best to be safe wherever you are, and prepare yourself in case disaster strikes.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been feeling overwhelmed for several months now. I just can't seem to get my life together. I lost my job a few months ago, and I have been looking for a job with no luck so far. I am single, and I have nobody to help me. Honestly, I don't know how much longer I can take this. I feel like I get shut down at every turn.

Friends were helping me out here and there, but I feel horrible about asking for their help. Plus, they are barely making ends meet themselves. I got on food stamps recently, but I hate that, too. I feel like a mess. I went to the doctor about it and was prescribed some depression medicine. I'm afraid to take it, though, because I'm afraid that I won't get another job if my employer finds out that I have to take meds. What can I do? -- Stuck, Detroit

DEAR STUCK: Thank you for writing and sharing your situation. You have done the right thing by speaking your pain out loud. It is also great that you went to the doctor to be evaluated. Now, you absolutely must take your medicine. Getting healthy is going to be a requirement for you to turn your life around. Your meds should be able to help you stabilize your emotions. Find a way to continue to go to see a mental health professional who can help guide your steps. It is possible to climb out of this dark hole, but you need help to get there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has taken to wearing braids in his hair so that he can grow it out. He thinks it looks cool. The way I grew up, men wearing braids was in poor taste. Even if things have loosened up in recent times, I do not think wearing his hair like that is going to help him get a job. He has been looking for a job for a while now, and the interviewers haven't told him why he isn't being hired, but I believe that his hair isn't helping at all. How can I get him to consider getting a hair cut? -- Helping My Boy, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR HELPING MY BOY: You could be right that his appearance could be an obstacle in his job search. Beyond that, though, there could be other factors. Suggest to your son that he reach back to his interviewers to ask if they can give him feedback on why he was not selected. If he is lucky, he will get input from at least some of the interviewers about his interviewing skills, his ability to do the job for which he was being interviewed and his appearance.

Suggest to him that he ask the interviewer if his braids stood in the way. Legally, most employers are not supposed to judge candidates on the way that they look, but people are people, and some do. Perhaps he will get a glimmer of how his appearance measures up. Hearing such feedback from someone other than his parents will likely make it easier for him to hear.