DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my boyfriend has a gambling addiction. I had been trying to figure out what was going on. He would get paid and then disappear for days at a time and then always be broke. He is good at making up excuses, like he had to give money to his mother for the doctor or he had to get his car repaired. He has come up with what sound like legitimate reasons to be broke. In fact, they have been so good that I often have given him extra money to help out.

Well, I just saw some of his bills, and he hasn't paid a lot of them for months. Plus, I saw receipts from a casino on several occasions. When I asked him about it, he admitted that he likes to gamble. When I pressed him, he said that he is in debt because of it. What should I do? I thought we were going to be a serious couple and get married, but now I don't know. I can't marry an active gambler. What can I do? -- Dating a Gambler, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR DATING A GAMBLER: It's great that your boyfriend told you the truth, at least part of it, about his gambling tendencies. Now it's your turn to put your foot down. Tell him how much you care about him and want him to have a healthy life, and more, that you want to share your life with him. But make it clear that you are unwilling to be committed to him if he doesn't clean up his act. Suggest that he go to Gamblers Anonymous or to some other type of counseling.

You may have to step away from him until he takes action. It often takes an extreme situation for an addict to make a change. You also need to be prepared to walk if he cannot or will not make the effort to transform his life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into a group of old friends last week and had such a great, impromptu visit with them. It reminded me of how much fun we used to have when we were younger. Now I have a family, as do a couple of the other women. We all said we want to get together again, but I'm afraid it will never happen. Time seems to slip by.

I was thinking that I would invite them all to a cookout at my house this summer. That way the ones with kids could feel comfortable bringing them. But I'm worried that it won't actually happen. How can I ensure that if I put out the energy for this, it will be worth it? -- Reconnecting, Denver

DEAR RECONNECTING: Rather than hinging a party solely around this group of old friends, why not host a summer party as you normally would? You can add this group of people to the list, but don't make it for them exclusively. Invite everyone to RSVP, and then enjoy whoever shows up. If you don't give too much fretful energy to this gathering, you will have a better time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to go to a parent-teacher conference for my daughter. I know that generally she is a very good student, but the other day she had a challenge with some of her fellow classmates. She told me about it and was visibly upset. We talked it through, and it is obvious, at least from her description, that one of the girls was being super bossy and another didn't complete her responsibilities. My daughter was upset but asked me not to mention it. She is at the age where the social dynamics among girls can get tricky. I want to protect her even as I also want to honor her wishes. Her school usually is very good at helping parents deal with tough social problems. Should I talk to the teachers even though she asked me not to? -- Betwixt, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR BETWIXT: The role of a parent is to guide the child to make the best choices possible and to arm the child with tools for managing all manner of situations that may occur. Yes, you should speak to your daughter's teacher. I recommend that in doing so, you ask for confidentiality. Before your conference has concluded, express that you have a sensitive topic to discuss and then describe what your daughter shared, along with her desire for you not to share it with the teacher. Ask for the teacher's guidance as well as oversight in the future, so that someone will be looking out for your daughter during potentially challenging times.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who basically is a flake. We talk about getting together and hanging out. She agrees that we will get together and even sounds enthusiastic about it, but inevitably something happens and she doesn't show or return my calls. We have been friends since high school, and I know that she can be flaky. But I am tired of the no-show mentality. On the one hand, I guess I am supposed to accept it. On the other, I don't appreciate being dissed. What should I do? -- Tired of Waiting, Greenwich, Connecticut

DEAR TIRED OF WAITING: I learned a great strategy for waiting from a former colleague. She told me that her husband was a master procrastinator and would often leave her waiting for hours when they had plans for dinner or other activities. For years she waited, getting angrier by the second. Then one day it occurred to her that she did not have to do that. Instead, she made the decision to wait no longer than a half-hour. She told her husband her new rule and immediately began to enforce it. At first, he would show up late and she would be nowhere. He then got upset. But she stuck to her plan. Now, he either shows up on time or they don't have that time together. For her, it has been empowering because she no longer feels disrespected. And yes, he shows up on time a lot more.

Try that with your friend. Establish ground rules that will work for you, such as if she doesn't call you back, stop trying to call her. If she says she's coming, give her a window during which you will wait. Otherwise, live your life -- for you!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 11-year-old niece goes to a private school, while all of her cousins are in public school. I overheard her bragging about all of the things that her school offers that theirs do not. I felt like it was in poor taste. Of course, private schools may have enriched programs, but why would she want to make her family members feel bad that they don't get the same things? I feel like my sister is not doing a good job teaching her daughter about being sensitive. I wonder if I should speak to my niece directly, or if I should speak to my sister about it. What do you think? -- Sensitivity Training, Atlanta

DEAR SENSITIVITY TRAINING: If you have a good rapport with your niece, go directly to her. Tell her you overheard the conversation and wanted to let her know how you felt when she seemed to be bragging about her school. Chances are, she may not have consciously realized she was doing this. Point out to her that it may have made her cousins feel bad that they don't have all the same opportunities at their school. While she shouldn't hide her experience, she may want to listen a little more closely in the future and temper her stories. Telling one or two details of her academic life as her cousins do the same makes for better conversation and less one-upmanship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm writing because of the woman from Denver whose daughter has body odor at age 8. This is a serious condition. Pediatricians do not know about the endocrine system. She needs to immediately see a pediatric endocrinologist, who can evaluate the daughter for precocious puberty as well as other endocrine functions. I know this because my niece had body odor at age 5, and her pediatrician kept saying she would outgrow it. Well, finally when she was age 7, I learned about precocious puberty and was told she should see a pediatric endocrinologist. I told this to her parents, who took my advice. They had to drive from Pullman, Washington, to Seattle, as there wasn't one where they lived. They are so very thankful. If it goes untreated, the child will not develop normally: She could experience facial hair, stunted growth and other bizarre effects, none of which she or her mother would want. -- Alarmed, Salt Lake City

DEAR ALARMED: Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this topic. I suspect that many people have not heard of this type of doctor. I did some research and learned that pediatric endocrinologists specialize in hormonal disorders. The following signs in children should be red flags that say you need this type of doctor: growth problems such as short stature, early or delayed puberty, enlarged thyroid gland (goiter), underactive or overactive thyroid gland, pituitary gland hypo- or hyperfunction, adrenal gland hypo- or hyperfunction, ambiguous genitals or intersex, ovarian or testicular dysfunction, diabetes, low blood sugar (hypoglycemia), obesity or problems with Vitamin D (rickets, hypocalcemia).

For anyone who has a child with any of these issues, seek specialized help now.