DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to go to a parent-teacher conference for my daughter. I know that generally she is a very good student, but the other day she had a challenge with some of her fellow classmates. She told me about it and was visibly upset. We talked it through, and it is obvious, at least from her description, that one of the girls was being super bossy and another didn't complete her responsibilities. My daughter was upset but asked me not to mention it. She is at the age where the social dynamics among girls can get tricky. I want to protect her even as I also want to honor her wishes. Her school usually is very good at helping parents deal with tough social problems. Should I talk to the teachers even though she asked me not to? -- Betwixt, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR BETWIXT: The role of a parent is to guide the child to make the best choices possible and to arm the child with tools for managing all manner of situations that may occur. Yes, you should speak to your daughter's teacher. I recommend that in doing so, you ask for confidentiality. Before your conference has concluded, express that you have a sensitive topic to discuss and then describe what your daughter shared, along with her desire for you not to share it with the teacher. Ask for the teacher's guidance as well as oversight in the future, so that someone will be looking out for your daughter during potentially challenging times.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who basically is a flake. We talk about getting together and hanging out. She agrees that we will get together and even sounds enthusiastic about it, but inevitably something happens and she doesn't show or return my calls. We have been friends since high school, and I know that she can be flaky. But I am tired of the no-show mentality. On the one hand, I guess I am supposed to accept it. On the other, I don't appreciate being dissed. What should I do? -- Tired of Waiting, Greenwich, Connecticut

DEAR TIRED OF WAITING: I learned a great strategy for waiting from a former colleague. She told me that her husband was a master procrastinator and would often leave her waiting for hours when they had plans for dinner or other activities. For years she waited, getting angrier by the second. Then one day it occurred to her that she did not have to do that. Instead, she made the decision to wait no longer than a half-hour. She told her husband her new rule and immediately began to enforce it. At first, he would show up late and she would be nowhere. He then got upset. But she stuck to her plan. Now, he either shows up on time or they don't have that time together. For her, it has been empowering because she no longer feels disrespected. And yes, he shows up on time a lot more.

Try that with your friend. Establish ground rules that will work for you, such as if she doesn't call you back, stop trying to call her. If she says she's coming, give her a window during which you will wait. Otherwise, live your life -- for you!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 11-year-old niece goes to a private school, while all of her cousins are in public school. I overheard her bragging about all of the things that her school offers that theirs do not. I felt like it was in poor taste. Of course, private schools may have enriched programs, but why would she want to make her family members feel bad that they don't get the same things? I feel like my sister is not doing a good job teaching her daughter about being sensitive. I wonder if I should speak to my niece directly, or if I should speak to my sister about it. What do you think? -- Sensitivity Training, Atlanta

DEAR SENSITIVITY TRAINING: If you have a good rapport with your niece, go directly to her. Tell her you overheard the conversation and wanted to let her know how you felt when she seemed to be bragging about her school. Chances are, she may not have consciously realized she was doing this. Point out to her that it may have made her cousins feel bad that they don't have all the same opportunities at their school. While she shouldn't hide her experience, she may want to listen a little more closely in the future and temper her stories. Telling one or two details of her academic life as her cousins do the same makes for better conversation and less one-upmanship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm writing because of the woman from Denver whose daughter has body odor at age 8. This is a serious condition. Pediatricians do not know about the endocrine system. She needs to immediately see a pediatric endocrinologist, who can evaluate the daughter for precocious puberty as well as other endocrine functions. I know this because my niece had body odor at age 5, and her pediatrician kept saying she would outgrow it. Well, finally when she was age 7, I learned about precocious puberty and was told she should see a pediatric endocrinologist. I told this to her parents, who took my advice. They had to drive from Pullman, Washington, to Seattle, as there wasn't one where they lived. They are so very thankful. If it goes untreated, the child will not develop normally: She could experience facial hair, stunted growth and other bizarre effects, none of which she or her mother would want. -- Alarmed, Salt Lake City

DEAR ALARMED: Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this topic. I suspect that many people have not heard of this type of doctor. I did some research and learned that pediatric endocrinologists specialize in hormonal disorders. The following signs in children should be red flags that say you need this type of doctor: growth problems such as short stature, early or delayed puberty, enlarged thyroid gland (goiter), underactive or overactive thyroid gland, pituitary gland hypo- or hyperfunction, adrenal gland hypo- or hyperfunction, ambiguous genitals or intersex, ovarian or testicular dysfunction, diabetes, low blood sugar (hypoglycemia), obesity or problems with Vitamin D (rickets, hypocalcemia).

For anyone who has a child with any of these issues, seek specialized help now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm pretty sure that my co-worker has allergies. For the past few weeks, he has been coughing and sneezing and blowing his nose nonstop. I am sure he can't help it, but I can also tell you that it is highly annoying. He uses boxes of tissues and doesn't always throw them away. His cubicle is filled with nasty, dirty tissues. Sometimes he comes into my space, and I don't want him there because I don't think he washes his hands. I don't mean to be rude, but I do think he should probably take some allergy medicine and be tidier. Can I say that to him? -- Allergic to Allergy Sufferer, Madison, Wisconsin

DEAR ALLERGIC TO ALLERGY SUFFERER: It's weird how allergies affect more than the person who is directly suffering from the change in the environment. It is likely that your co-worker is oblivious to how his health challenge is affecting you or anyone else. He is likely so besieged by the way his body is being tortured that he has no idea that he is, in turn, torturing others.

So yes, I suggest that you tell him. You may want to come with an offering of hand sanitizer. Tell him that you feel bad for him that he seems to be having such a hard time with the changing of the seasons. Point out that you are a little concerned that he is inadvertently contaminating the office. Ask him if he would try to throw out his tissues right away and just try to keep things tidy. While this may feel awkward at first, at least you will have alerted him to the way he is affecting you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is having a big party next month, and she has asked all of her friends to join her. To do this requires getting on a plane, paying for a hotel and hanging out with a group of people who sometimes get on my nerves. Frankly, I don't want to do it. I love my friend, but I want my space. I have been working like a dog for the past few weeks, and I would rather just stay home and be by myself. At the same time, I don't want to be a party pooper. How can I beg off without seeming rude? -- Wanting My Space, Detroit

DEAR WANTING MY SPACE: There is nothing wrong with saying no -- nicely. You don't even have to make up an excuse. Write your friend a lovely note or call her and express your regrets that you will not be able to join her for her big soiree. Wish her the best. Assure her that you know it will be a good time. And call it a day.

If she asks you why you cannot come, you can tell her that you just can't make it. Do not tell her your thoughts about the other friends. You can say that you are exhausted and need to rest, but you don't have to reveal that, either.