DEAR HARRIETTE: My 11-year-old niece goes to a private school, while all of her cousins are in public school. I overheard her bragging about all of the things that her school offers that theirs do not. I felt like it was in poor taste. Of course, private schools may have enriched programs, but why would she want to make her family members feel bad that they don't get the same things? I feel like my sister is not doing a good job teaching her daughter about being sensitive. I wonder if I should speak to my niece directly, or if I should speak to my sister about it. What do you think? -- Sensitivity Training, Atlanta

DEAR SENSITIVITY TRAINING: If you have a good rapport with your niece, go directly to her. Tell her you overheard the conversation and wanted to let her know how you felt when she seemed to be bragging about her school. Chances are, she may not have consciously realized she was doing this. Point out to her that it may have made her cousins feel bad that they don't have all the same opportunities at their school. While she shouldn't hide her experience, she may want to listen a little more closely in the future and temper her stories. Telling one or two details of her academic life as her cousins do the same makes for better conversation and less one-upmanship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm writing because of the woman from Denver whose daughter has body odor at age 8. This is a serious condition. Pediatricians do not know about the endocrine system. She needs to immediately see a pediatric endocrinologist, who can evaluate the daughter for precocious puberty as well as other endocrine functions. I know this because my niece had body odor at age 5, and her pediatrician kept saying she would outgrow it. Well, finally when she was age 7, I learned about precocious puberty and was told she should see a pediatric endocrinologist. I told this to her parents, who took my advice. They had to drive from Pullman, Washington, to Seattle, as there wasn't one where they lived. They are so very thankful. If it goes untreated, the child will not develop normally: She could experience facial hair, stunted growth and other bizarre effects, none of which she or her mother would want. -- Alarmed, Salt Lake City

DEAR ALARMED: Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this topic. I suspect that many people have not heard of this type of doctor. I did some research and learned that pediatric endocrinologists specialize in hormonal disorders. The following signs in children should be red flags that say you need this type of doctor: growth problems such as short stature, early or delayed puberty, enlarged thyroid gland (goiter), underactive or overactive thyroid gland, pituitary gland hypo- or hyperfunction, adrenal gland hypo- or hyperfunction, ambiguous genitals or intersex, ovarian or testicular dysfunction, diabetes, low blood sugar (hypoglycemia), obesity or problems with Vitamin D (rickets, hypocalcemia).

For anyone who has a child with any of these issues, seek specialized help now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm pretty sure that my co-worker has allergies. For the past few weeks, he has been coughing and sneezing and blowing his nose nonstop. I am sure he can't help it, but I can also tell you that it is highly annoying. He uses boxes of tissues and doesn't always throw them away. His cubicle is filled with nasty, dirty tissues. Sometimes he comes into my space, and I don't want him there because I don't think he washes his hands. I don't mean to be rude, but I do think he should probably take some allergy medicine and be tidier. Can I say that to him? -- Allergic to Allergy Sufferer, Madison, Wisconsin

DEAR ALLERGIC TO ALLERGY SUFFERER: It's weird how allergies affect more than the person who is directly suffering from the change in the environment. It is likely that your co-worker is oblivious to how his health challenge is affecting you or anyone else. He is likely so besieged by the way his body is being tortured that he has no idea that he is, in turn, torturing others.

So yes, I suggest that you tell him. You may want to come with an offering of hand sanitizer. Tell him that you feel bad for him that he seems to be having such a hard time with the changing of the seasons. Point out that you are a little concerned that he is inadvertently contaminating the office. Ask him if he would try to throw out his tissues right away and just try to keep things tidy. While this may feel awkward at first, at least you will have alerted him to the way he is affecting you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is having a big party next month, and she has asked all of her friends to join her. To do this requires getting on a plane, paying for a hotel and hanging out with a group of people who sometimes get on my nerves. Frankly, I don't want to do it. I love my friend, but I want my space. I have been working like a dog for the past few weeks, and I would rather just stay home and be by myself. At the same time, I don't want to be a party pooper. How can I beg off without seeming rude? -- Wanting My Space, Detroit

DEAR WANTING MY SPACE: There is nothing wrong with saying no -- nicely. You don't even have to make up an excuse. Write your friend a lovely note or call her and express your regrets that you will not be able to join her for her big soiree. Wish her the best. Assure her that you know it will be a good time. And call it a day.

If she asks you why you cannot come, you can tell her that you just can't make it. Do not tell her your thoughts about the other friends. You can say that you are exhausted and need to rest, but you don't have to reveal that, either.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my church members lost her son when he was killed tragically in a car crash. I feel so sorry for her. She has decided to take up the cause against drunk drivers because of this, and she has asked all of the members of the church to support her. I understand how upset she is, and I do want to help. What I don't want to do is to join the committee and march and all of the other stuff she has planned. It's not because I don't care. I really do. But I have my own life and responsibilities, and I feel like I can't take on anything else. I have offered to make a donation, but so far, she has not agreed to take it. She wants me to be boots on the ground with her. How can I support her and draw the line on what I will do? -- Striking a Balance, Cleveland

DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: I'm so sorry to hear of your church member's loss. This type of death is very hard to understand and accept. Good for her that she wants to bring awareness to such an important topic. And good for you that you know your limitations. You can be clear with this woman that you love and support her and that the way you can be of help is financial.

She may not realize it yet, but everything costs money. What you are able to contribute will eventually prove to be helpful. You can have an honest and compassionate conversation with her, explaining that this is the way that you can help her and that you hope she will accept it. Put a check in an envelope with a sympathy card and give it to her. When she asks you to do something you cannot or do not want to do, say no.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter has it in her mind that she needs glasses. She has been pestering me for weeks about it. I feel pretty certain that the reason she's asking is because her two best friends at school just started wearing them. I don't like getting caught up in her doing what her friends are doing. But she's already there. She has been wearing sunglasses indoors. Of course, when I ask her why, she jokes it away. But I know. She also keeps asking me to take her to the doctor to get her glasses. How can I get her to calm down? I feel pretty confident this is a ruse. -- Seeing Straight, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR SEEING STRAIGHT: My vote is for taking her to the eye doctor. You can go to an optician, an ophthalmologist or even to an ophthalmologist who specializes in pediatrics. Why not check to see if your daughter's eyesight is healthy? Then it won't be your word against hers. A doctor can let you know the status of her eyes and whether she needs corrective lenses or not.